Voter Rules: Satire
By Lyer, Fibski & Propagandovitch, famous Moscow PR outlet
For immediate release:
There has been a tsunami of new voting legislation introduced by many states, despite the fact that there were almost no cases of voter fraud confirmed in the last election and the courts would hear none of it. Republicans quite clearly were not happy with their loss and even supported a failed insurrection in the U.S. Congress over it. Now they are seeking to disenfranchise voters, give GOP-led state legislatures control over election outcomes, and conduct spurious “ballot recounts” and “vote audits” to support the Big Lie.
As one senior official at the Republican National Committee, Gerry Mander, put it, “We need new voter rules so people don’t think the voter rules. We must introduce certainty in the outcome of future elections. Voting can no longer be made easier so that it’s left merely to some electoral chance. Besides, our fact-free base loves it since it is in fact, fact-free.”
“Nevertheless, there is a great deal of backlash to these proposals”, he continued. “Even many multinational corporations are up in arms over our politicians choosing their voters, but what do they know? We only want to hear from our true believers and Republican sycophants, just as Citizens United intended.”
“What do you think we’re fighting for?” he said with a sneer. “A democracy?”