While being treated to a meal at a restaurant near Scottsdale, AZ I learned without any question or shadow of doubt I am truly, and I fear irreparably, psychologically damaged. I am fully vaccinated as is my wife, and frequently go mask free outdoors.
This restaurant was dedicated to “mask freedom”, though I did not know this from Yelp reviews. No employees were wearing a mask. Not a one. That I know of Maricopa County has not released its mandate, and I truly don’t think they care what governor Ducey has to say as few people do.
But the CDC made their statement: Fully vaccinated people do not need to wear their masks indoors in most circumstances.
Well the CDC can write a Broadway play entitled, “The Ones Who Walk From Omaskas, and it won’t make me budge.
I can be offered BOGO meals to not wear a mask. No thanks. They can let me throw a first pitch at the baseball game if I don’t wear one, won’t happen.
The fact is when the waitress approached maskless I began to feel something like a cat in a dog pound. I could not deal. I could not look at this woman, I could not bring myself to speak face to face with her. I could not even turn my head towards her.
We are fully vaccinated, and I am unable to bring myself to speak to a maskless person mouth facing mouth.
Can’t do it. My neck would literally not turn her direction. Yet at the same time I know it is not her this time. It is me. This whole time I screamed at people for not listening to the CDC. Since I am not a hypocrite, what could I do? All she will tell me is that she is following CDC advice. She is probably vaccinated and she is probably safe to talk to.
But I could not do it. I literally went blank looking at the menu, could not order a drink, even mumble responses.
It was like I was frozen.
However the second I put my mask on I was myself again. Suddenly I realized: the mask is not a part of my attire, it is a part of me! And I will tell you I am not particularly happy with the CDC right now.
One, I feel with barely half of people vaccinated it is far too early to make this move. Of course I am not a scientist by trade, I am going strictly by the numbers. If nearly half are unvaccinated however the vaccinated can wear a mask, then you can guess how many will lie in a movie theater, a restaurant, a ballpark. I don’t know what is being accomplished here, this rush to masklessness.
Now some businesses are going to go back to banning masks. This is inevitable. And do we really have data in our favor to warrant this? Yes I know if I am vaccinated I am by and large mostly safe, even with Maskless Mary and her Greasy Spoonettes gracing the Gravy Stage. I consciously understand that.
I really do.
I just don’t pay it much mind. Look I know if I look down the barrel of a gun so long as I am not near a trigger I am mostly safe.
Not doing that either.
So what exactly does Dr. Wallensky and the CDC think? That masks are like a earplugs we can just discard? For many of us who endured a year of rushing into a store then rushing out, the mask was our self defense. It was our only weapon to defend against a virulent disease.
For many the mask is a friend.
Don’t believe me? Try throwing away the one worn the most. Go ahead. Toss it. See how long before guilt and fear creeps in. We can’t just turn off fear like a light switch. We can’t be expected to snap right back to normal, and if anything, I think this country is moving too fast. Back to full restaurants, back to full arenas, back to full theatres, back to full offices. Back to the exact same behaviors that on average, before Covid, netted us 10-35 million cases of the flu each year.
And for me, it feels like I am now the outcast, the freak. “Look at the wussy still wearing a mask!”
I feel like I have been through a war, like I have served a tour in Covidghanistan, only instead of dodging bullets I had to dodge snot, and the mask was my bulletproof vest.
One infection could have been curtains for me, while dealing with cancer. One errant sneeze, one cough, one hug, one kiss. Do I just forget all of that? Do I get no counselling, no help, no evaluation for Post-Covid Stress Disorder?
No, it is just “Mask on, mask off.” We will see if that works, if cases continue to fall, if I can get more comfortable with partying like it is 2019 again.
But way too quickly I feel I have been cast into the net of oddballs again as far as society looks at it. But I am not throwing away my mask, and I will wear it if I want to and no, I don’t much care if someone likes it. But after all of this I realized something I did not miss: strangers being close to me. I did not miss nasty breath, and stained teeth, and chapped lips, and ruddy faces two inches from my airspace.
I don’t miss it. I won’t miss it. And if it must be that my psychological damage has permanently changed me, and I am denied service, then so be it, I will take my family and my good buddy, “The Mask” and take my business elsewhere.
You don’t drop someone in a jungle with nary a weapon of self-defense and expect them to come out fully mentally intact.
Comfort isn’t a light switch, good folks at the CDC. My comfort zone is forever changed, and forever widened.
Six feet is just fine by me.
As long as it is apart and not under.
-ROC
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Love,
-ROC