We’ll Be Back After This Brief Message…
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Also erases memories of Watergate, the Iraq War, Hurricane Katrina, and the 600,000 victims of Covid-19. Now available with invisible bamboo fiber for gentle, dependable election stealing.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, May 19, 2021
Note: There are too many petitions flying all over the place and it's time for government to step in and bring some order to the chaos. Please sign the petition. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
5 days, eh.
Days 'til Victoria Day in Canada: 5
Date on which the Democrats' covid relief bill will order the start of monthly child payments: 7/15
Percent of the nation's parents who will receive up to $300 per month for each child under 6, and up to $250 per month for children between the ages of 6 and 17. : 88%
Estimated cut in child poverty as a result of the payments: 1/2
Percent of Democrats polled by PBS-Marist who say they do not plan to get vaccinated, compared to 41% of Trump cultists: 4%
Cost—per thousand board feet—of lumber, a surge of 406% from this time last year and an all-time high: $1,686
Number of homes the 84-turbine Vineyard Wind offshore wind farm will power when it's finished (Biden gave it the official OK last week): 400,000
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 188 (including 5 plagues and 1 prick for The Lord). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Morning yoga...
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CHEERS to bad news for Little Marco. Apparently it's official: Democratic Congresswoman Val Demings is taking on Marco Rubio to be the next junior senator from Florida:
While other Democrats have declared their candidacies in the race, Demings is the most high-profile contender. Rubio is planning to run for re-election for the seat, which he has served in since 2011.
Senator Val Demings (D-FL) has a nice ring to it.
Demings has served in the House since 2017, and her husband is currently the mayor of Orange County, Florida. Between 2007and 2011, Demings worked as chief of Orlando’s police department.
She received national attention last year when she served as an impeachment manager in the first Senate trial of former President Donald Trump over his efforts to pressure Ukraine to announce investigations into Joe Biden and his son Hunter.
If she can thread the needle of Republican voter suppression, dark money shenanigans, and outright cheating on the part of Rubio and his useful idiot the governor, she'll make an excellent senator. But unlike the rest of her colleagues, she'll have one unpleasant task now mandated by the state constitution: taking senior Florida Senator Rick Scott outside once a day and releasing him from his burlap sack to sun on a rock for two hours. Even more unpleasant: letting him do it under a heat lamp in her office on cloudy days.
CHEERS to lookin' out for the little guy. What a difference an administration makes. While his predecessor spent the government's legal resources on saving his own hide and those of his fellow crooks and cronies, President Biden is now focusing on legal resources for Americans who don’t own their own resorts and high rises, or print their own money:
President Biden is [taking] executive action to boost access to legal services and the legal system for low-income Americans after government-led initiatives largely went dormant during the Trump administration.
Mr. Biden's presidential memorandum is the latest step taken by his administration to advance racial equity and joins his requested $1.5 billion for grants to bolster state and local criminal justice systems, including for public defenders.
Also on the to-do list: re-opening the office that "expands and improves access to lawyers and legal assistance," which got shuttered a few years ago by then-AG Jeff Sessions, who now spends his days de-winging flies and sittin' on a porch swing sewing secret encrypted messages into confederate battle flags. If he's a good boy the nurse lets him have pudding on Thursdays.
JEERS to the Boy Wonder's bubbleheaded blunder. On May 19, 1992, Vice President Dan Quayle cited Murphy Brown as a poor example of family values. Said Ken Tucker back then in Entertainment Weekly:
Dan Quayle's spleen venting about the way Murphy Brown subverts family values is only the most direct expression to date of a notion that has gained in intensity over the past decade—that TV has some sort of obligation to present only ''positive'' examples of family life, that any portrayal of something other than the happy nuclear clan is detrimental to our American way of life.
She won. He lost.
But TV isn't an arm of social policy or government propaganda; it has no more responsibility to be upbeat and positive than do, say, poetry or the theater. ...
Someone pour Quayle a glass of cold milk, please.
Isn't it nice to know that the Republican party has come so far in its thinking over the last 29 years? (You may commence smirking at will.)
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to folks who did more than just make nifty furniture. On today's date in 1774, the first Shakers, led by Ann Lee, sailed to America from England. During the Revolution they refused to fight and were jailed, making them our newborn nation’s first conscientious objectors. I looked it up and there are two remaining Shakers. Both live in Maine. I’m parachuting one into Israel and one into Palestine to sort that shit out. Don’t worry—I’ll feed the goat.
JEERS to unsolved mysteries? And lo, there appeared unto the planet this development in free-market capitalism:
A man in Texas is suing Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle company Goop Inc. over a vagina-scented candle that he says "exploded" and became "engulfed in high flames" after burning for a few hours. …
[I’ll spare you an accompanying photo.]
A warning on the vagina-scented candle advised users not to burn it for more than two hours, according to its listing on Goop's website.
I don’t know what's more fascinating about this story—that there's such a thing as a vagina-scented candle, or that nowhere in this story does NBC News question whether the candle does, in fact, smell like a vagina. I suppose they're saving that bit of investigative journalism for an upcoming sweeps-week episode of Dateline.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 19, 2011
JEERS to talking out of your ass. Former U.S. Senator and current GOP presidential contender Rick Santorum says that John McCain doesn’t understand how torture works. McCain responded that he knows all about how torture works. He added that it usually starts when Rick Santorum picks up a microphone.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to lording over our domain. In the entire universe of intelligent, common-sense-endowed, freedom-loving, patriotic, thoughtful, compassionate, and hard-working arbiters of justice, democracy, and good taste in the progressive world, guess who rules benevolently from the top of Mount Awesome according to infallible tracking site Feedspot? The purveyors of politics, pooties and pie, that's who:
Liberal Political Blogs List. The Best Liberal Political blogs from thousands of top Liberal Political blogs in our index using search and social metrics. Data will be refreshed once a week.
1. Daily Kos
Daily Kos, a brainchild of blogger Markos Moulitsas, is one of the oldest political blogs on the Web and it is unashamedly liberal. It gets about 25 million hits a month and has thousands of readers commenting every day. Expect a lot of heated discussions here.
Frequency 12 a day.
Facebook fans 1.3 million
Twitter followers 291.8k
This can mean only one thing: I think we’re gonna need a bigger fridge in the break room.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
"I think it’s important that we model our ministry after that of Bill in Portland Maine. We want to try to bring healing kiddie pool water to people’s bodies, and we can do that through Cheers and Jeers."
—Franklin Graham
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