POTUS: Hi, Barack. How’re ya doin’?
Obama: Can’t complain at all, Joe. You’re lookin’ good up there at the podium.
POTUS: Thanks. It feels pretty homey. So I’ll get right to it. You know that thing you never told me about?
Obama: That again. I told you they made me swear on my first born not to tell anyone, including you.
POTUS: Yeah, except that I found out that you told Michelle.
Obama: Well it was a moment of weakness when I wanted to boost my image. You know she’s never thought I was all that….wait! How did you know?
POTUS: George told me.
(long pause)
Obama: I think I’m not even going to go there with her on that.
POTUS: Good decision. Anyhow, I’ve talked with George and Bill to get their input on my dilemma, but you’re the only one who can probably help me.
Obama: You didn’t confer with Former Guy?
POTUS: The intel folks were pretty clear that he doesn’t have a clue. Kept telling them not to bother him with trivia whenever they tried to brief him. Besides, he probably wouldn’t take my calls, him being the real president and all.
Obama: I gotta admit it’s kinda nice to have company in the land of “he’s not a legitimate president.” (audible chuckle) So what can I do to help?
POTUS: You remember that little choreography we staged about gay marriage?
Obama: Yeah! It worked really well. No one ever caught on, even.
POTUS: So this time it would be in reverse. Instead of me being the one to initiate the conversation, you would. Maybe a late night comedy appearance - those always get a lot of attention.
Obama: That could certainly be arranged. But tell me, why is this happening now?
POTUS: I asked the same question. And, look, it couldn’t be happening at a worse time. You know what Mitch would do with this. Anything I do would be tainted with UFO rhetoric. Instead of socialism, I’d have an agenda dictated by aliens. And a third of the country would buy it.
Obama: Yes, that pesky third. But why can’t the whole thing just be shelved for a couple of years until after 2022?
POTUS: There’s an inconvenient part of some law that requires a report to congress and it’s going to happen within the next 6 weeks or so. But there’s also this: they’re agreed that we’ve got to start broaching the subject before some other actor does.
Obama: So that Chinese intel finally got confirmed.
POTUS: Yes. It’s not the technology of another country. As they keep saying: we don’t know what it is. But we know what that means: it’s not from this planet. And it’s been going on for decades now. The incidents are increasing. So we need to gently introduce the idea to the public without introducing it to the public, if you know what I mean.
Obama: Exactly. Consider it done. ASAP, I assume.
POTUS: Yeah, ASAP. And by the way, we don’t say UFO any more. It’s UAP, Unidentified Aerial Phenomenon. Remember the estate taxes that everyone used to support? When you call it death taxes, you don’t get so much support. So we’re renaming UFO’s and hoping the crazy will go away. Might work.
Obama: Can’t hurt. Watch for me on late night TV!
POTUS: Thanks, Barack. I’ll try not to be too dismissive of you when the press pummels me with questions about your appearance.
Obama: It’s OK. I’ve got your back. Stay safe.
POTUS: We’re all doing our best to do just that.