Ordinarily upon hearing something like this, I’d say Matt Gaetz has gotten in way over his head, but that would be physically impossible. I mean, look at that thing. Archaeologists still wonder how the Rapa Nui’s Easter Island ancestors moved those giant stone heads they’re famous for. I wonder the same thing about Gaetz. Maybe I can get a university grant to study it.
But that’s neither here nor there. Gaetz, who is in just a wee bit of hot water these days, apparently thinks he could be elected president in 2024 if, by some miracle, Donald Trump is in prison but he’s not.
On Steve Bannon’s War Room comedy hour, which is what Bannon apparently occupies his time with these days in lieu of showering, the host asked Gaetz about the possibility of running for president.
It went a little something like this:
GAETZ: “I’m for Donald Trump in 2024. This is Donald Trump’s party and I’m a Donald Trump Republican. But if for whatever reason President Trump decided to enjoy the swamps of Florida a little more than the swamps of Washington, D.C., I am certain that I could whoop Joe Biden up one side of this country and down the other, because the people in America want passion and excitement and inspiration in the executive.”
Is that all it takes? Excitement? Gaetz wouldn’t qualify as the most exciting Muppet—though he’d give Sweetums a run for his money when it came to head size. Then again, it might be exciting to watch the dude simultaneously debate Joe Biden and White Power Bill from a supermax exercise yard.
Incidentally, this wasn’t just an off-the-cuff comment. Gaetz gave a similar statement to a New York Post reporter on Wednesday.
Yahoo! News:
Rep. Matt Gaetz, the Florida Republican who is currently the subject of a Justice Department investigation into whether he had sex with a 17-year-old girl and transported her across state lines in violation of sex trafficking laws, is considering a run for president in 2024.
Gaetz made that disclosure Wednesday in a text message to the New York Post.
“I support Donald Trump for president. I’ve directly encouraged him to run and he gives me every indication he will,” Gaetz told the paper. “If Trump doesn’t run, I’m sure I could defeat whatever remains of Joe Biden by 2024.”
I’m not all that worried about Matt Gaetz running for president because 1) it’s super unlikely and 2) if he does run and manages to win, I’ll be at least three months into my self-induced coma.
On the other hand, this country has already gone farther into a ditch than I ever imagined possible. Will this happen? Almost certainly not. Could it? Did you see who was president from 2017-2021? Any fucking thing can happen.
That said … barf.
Hopefully this dude is tossed in the cooler sooner rather than later so we can all focus on defeating the Trump-brain-in-a-vat that they’ll be trundling out in a wheelbarrow at the 2024 Republican National Convention. Because this is Trump’s party, and if he’s not running, they won’t know what the fuck to do with themselves—or their votes.
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