When I get down, nothing brings a smile to my face but a good joke.
My favorite jokes are dad jokes and Jewish jokes. As I am Jewish I get a kick out of jokes like the following:
Abie and Sam meet up every 2 weeks at the same park bench to kibbitz. “Nu, Sam, vas machs du?” “Migraine headaches”, replies Sam, I can’t eat, I can’t think. Every day migraine headaches.” “Sam,” replies Abie, “you should do vat I do. Every time I get one I go home and nibble on my vife’s left breast. Takes them right away!” “Gottenyu!,” says Sam, “I’ll try that!” Two weeks later they meet up again. “Nu, Sam, how are the headaches?” “Oy, Abie, the best advice I ever had!”, says Sam. “You’ve cured me. By the way,” Sam exclaims, “You’ve got a very nice apartment.
A Jewish Minneapolis couple decided to go out to Florida during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a Jewish widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife…..Subject: I’ve Arrived
I know you may be surprised to hear from me. But they have free WIFI here so I thought I would send you an email.
I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
And my final...it helps if you know Yiddish…
Sadie had moved to the suburbs and her husband Abie had joined the very elite Erasmus Country Club there.
Abie was somewhat embarrassed by Sadie whenever they would dine there. One evening before they went out for dinner at the club, Abie decided to give his wife a bit of advice.
“Sadie.” He says. “Ven ve go to dee club and dee vaiter asks you vaht you vahnt for ah drink. Please don't say, Ah glass of Manishevitz vine. At a club like this you don not esk for Manishevitz wine.” “Nu, Abie.” she replied.”If not for Manishevitz so vot should I esk for?” ”You should esk for ah martini. Everybody drinks now martinis. So don't esk for Manishevitz.”
“Sadie, say you vahnt ah martini. You'll like it. Okay?” With that, Sadie agreed that she would no longer ask for Manishevitz wine.
That evening at the club, when the waiter approached their table to take their order for drinks, Sadie was well prepared.
The meticulously attired waiter asked:
“Maam, May I bring you a cocktail?” Sadie was ready and proudly announced,
“Yes, I'll have ah martini.”
“Dry?” Questions the waiter.
“ Nine.” Replies Sadie. “Tzvay iz genoog!!!’"
So… do you have any good jokes? I probably will regret saying this, but… dad jokes are very welcome.