I started the morning with beer and weed. Part of me thinks every day should start this way and the other part thinks “wow you’re in trouble”. And I guess both parts might be right.
My marriage is ending after 14 years. Another casualty of COVID I suppose. We both realized after basically 24/7 of being together that we didn’t really like each other than much after all. LOL Whaddya gonna do? We still talk, we’re still cordial.
Big life changes aren’t my thang. When politics aren’t the thing getting me down… well, then here we arrive. Station Crazy Train, mind the gap.
I gave my .38 special (TEXAS, HOORAH insert eye roll here) to friends because I knew this day was coming (hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again) and well… you know. It was a good idea. I only bought the fucking thing after the Biden bus was attacked on a highway outside of Austin. It pissed me off and I thought “Fuck if I’m not taking a few out before they get me… “ Such are the crazy times we are in, i don’t know what else to say about that. I’m gay and I live in rural Texas, for fuck’s sake of course I have guns.
I’m not strong today. God I’m not strong today. And I’m too drunk and stoned to get it out properly, but yeah. Goddamn what a year. What a couple of years, eh? I’ve always struggled with depression but it’s never been this this…. complete utterly despairing, hopeless bullshit.
I’ve been here at DKos for so long. for almost 20 years I think, fuck if I know. I hate you people. I love you people. I hate the constant bickering amongst ourselves.. the petty bullshit. I check out sometimes, no offense. I love you, I hate you… it’s complicated.
I’m not sure how this ends. I still have a shotgun in the house. Messy but it’ll do. I don’t think the 30 day supply of Xanax will be enough. And there’s Abbott… my fucking cat that can’t pee on his own. Who’d take care of THAT? I love him too much to do it.
I’m not strong today, but no one gave me a fucking option. So I’m here. I’m here. Godammit, I’m here. Because I love you all and I hate you all. I feel like i need a meme. “I’m here, talk me out of checking out.”
Fucking pathetic. I can’t do this anymore. I have no choice. So here I am, drunk and high AF on a hot sunny Texas Saturday. I hate this goddamn state.
UPDATE: Jesus ya’ll, I must have fallen asleep at some point. Some might ungraciously call it “passing out”, ha. Woke up at 3am and jumped on here to let everyone know I beat the Old Bastard back another day, saw all the comments and started to read and reply, but my phone died on me.
Anyway… I have my cup of coffee and a humdinger of a hangover, but I’m about to get back to the comments. I just wanted to thank you all… things got pretty desperate there for a bit. Today is another day. And I heard a rumor that Beto announced that he’s running for Gov here in Texas. If Abbott can’t keep the lights on and the AC’s running this summer then Beto will be our first Democratic gov since Ann Richards. If that ain’t good news I don’t know what is. :-)