For centuries, many people have believed that after death, human souls go to either Heaven or Hell. As of next Tuesday, this will no longer be so. In a landmark merger, God and Satan agreed to combine the two eternal afterlife places into one, which will be known as “Hellven”.
Saint Peter praised the merger, saying “It was getting very tedious to comb through each person’s records and determine which place they must be sent. With every soul now going to one place, it eliminates the need for all that exhausting paperwork.”
Saint Peter was asked, “What do you say to those who object to the merger?” The legendary saint replied, “I just tell them to go to Hellven.”