Picking sides in a feud between Fox News primetime stars Tweedledumb and Tweedle-fuckface is really kind of pointless. It’s kind of like favoring one flesh-eating parasite over another. Either way, your ass is going to feel it.
Indeed, Sean Hannity and Tucker Carlson are like two peas in a pod—or, more accurately, like a shouty pair of orca lungs covered in sweaty neck hair. They lie, they distort, they gaslight, and … they fight.
The latest? Hannity took a few veiled shots at his oleaginous colleague last night after a New York Times reporter—who had recently dished extensively on Tucker’s smarmy overtures to the mainstream media he pretends to hate—tweeted out a suggestion that Tucker was laughing at Hannity behind his back over “how much of a cringing Trump sycophant Sean is.”
It must have hit a nerve because … holy fuck. Check this out:
Transcript!
HANNITY: Instead of answering my questions, Mr. Prestigious Holier-Than-Thou-New York Times-calls himself a journalist-Ben Smith—you know, that’s the same guy that not only released Hillary Clinton’s bought-and-paid-for dirty Russian disinformation dossier but said he believed it, he said the broad outline of the dossier is unquestionably true. Ben, do you stand by that tonight?
Anyway, he decided to try to change the topic on social media and attack yours truly, and this New York Times reporter used an … now this is pretty funny. The New York Times, with all the prestige that they like to think that they have, they’re now tweeting out from an account and using an account on Twitter that’s called—their words, not mine—@PopBitch. A Twitter account with 34,000 followers. Let me repeat. The New York Times is now getting information and passing on information from a Twitter account called @PopBitch. You can’t make this Adam Schiff up.
Now the big news is that some people at Fox apparently don’t like me and said bad things about me gutlessly behind my back, according to Ben Smith and members of the media mob. Ben, if that’s true, that’s called a normal day in the world that I live in. And here’s a little secret for you, Ben, and all the liberals that hate-watch this program every night. I don’t care. I don’t give an Adam Schiff about what anybody says about me. I’ve been doing this show 25 years, 33 years in radio. I do this show, I do my radio show, I do it for my audience, the people that have been so loyal to me and give me this camera every night and give me that microphone every day. And I do it loudly, I do it proudly, and I do it unapologetically, and I’m not going to change just because some of you don’t like me. I’m open and honest about my conservative beliefs and who I support. It’s hardly a breaking news alert, Ben. And unfortunately, honesty and truth, that’s not a priority for people at The New York Times, like Ben.
Okay, then, Sean. Where to begin?
- First of all, the Steele Dossier was never meant to be the final word on anything. It was raw, unverified intelligence put together by an operative who was originally commissioned by a conservative anti-Trump group, not Hillary Clinton. Also, lots of the details in the dossier were later determined to be at least “partially true.”
- Yeah, PopBitch is a really silly name. Who would ever lend credence to an organization called PopBitch? Maybe the Cyber Ninjas should look into this.
- The best way to prove you don’t care about something is to broadcast an entire segment to your millions of nightly viewers about that same thing.
- “I do it loudly.” See? Hannity is capable of telling the truth. He should see if he can build on this little breakthrough.
- “I’m open and honest.” If Seth Rich’s ghost didn’t reach down at that moment, rip Hannity’s spine out of his throat, and garrote him to death with it, then there’s zero chance an afterlife exists. Sorry to break it to you, kids.
By the way, here’s the tweet Hannity was freaking out about:
And here’s the text, for the nontweeters:
The New York Times ran a column this week about how Fox News pundit Tucker Carlson – who made his name railing against the mainstream media, calling them "animals… not worthy of respect" – is actually a massive gossip and a regular anonymous source for many media stories about Trump, Fox and even himself.
Keen to protect his colleague's honour, Sean Hannity rushed to attack the piece on air, trashing the NYT in time-honoured Fox News fashion. But Hannity might not have been quite so quick to jump to his defence if he knew how Tucker spoke about him in those off-the-record gossip sessions.
"Any brothers-in-arms, comrades-in-crusade spirit between the two appears to only flow one way. Turns out one of Tucker's favourite topics to chuckle about with his MSM mates is how much of a cringing Trump sycophant Sean is.
Ouchies.
I expect a knife fight over the last cheesy bagel in the Fox commissary any day now. If it’s a fight to the death, well, I hope someone at Fox has the Star Trek fight music cued up, or it won’t be nearly as epic as I’d imagined and hoped.
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