Two days ago, Tucker Carlson, the Fish Stick Prince of Bel-Air, directed one of his all-time most depraved tirades at Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. As part of conservatives’ ongoing campaign to turn Donald Trump’s Jan. 6 Bumblefuck Putsch into either a peaceful, pro-Trump love-in or a violent riot instigated by secret FBI, BLM, and antifa operatives, Carlson dismissed Ocasio-Cortez’s wholly legitimate fears about being sexually assaulted during the insurrection.
In an interview with CNN’s Dana Bash, Ocasio-Cortez said, “There’s a lot of sexualizing of that violence, and I didn’t think that I was just going to be killed, I thought other things were going to happen to me as well.” After Bash said it sounded like Ocasio-Cortez was worried about being raped, not just dying, AOC responded, “Yeah, yeah. I thought I was.”
Luckily, no human being would ever think of mocking a woman who’d endured a credible threat of violent sexual assault, and that’s where Carlson comes in. The pusillanimous pugilist has no compunction about garishly displaying his reptilian bona fides, and so he showed his arse like the cold cockwomble he is:
“Sexualizing? Get a therapist, honey. This is crazy. These people were mad because they thought the election wasn’t fair. Now you may disagree with that, but it wasn’t about you—surprise, surprise. [Assumes mocking tone.] ‘Sexualizing violence, I was gonna be raped by Ashli Babbitt.’”
While it’s nice to see Carlson taking a break from essentially murdering people via pro-COVID-19 propaganda, this isn’t exactly what we had in mind. And given that the mob made it abundantly clear that they wanted to murder Trump’s own vice president, I’d say AOC—whom conservatives both despise and are weirdly obsessed with—had plenty to be concerned about. Trump’s unruly orc horde wasn’t simply “mad because they thought the election wasn’t fair.” They were out for blood. That was pretty obvious if you watched the events unfold for more than 10 seconds from anywhere other than Donald Trump’s sigmoid colon.
Of course, Carlson would have handled the situation much more gracefully than AOC, because he’s the manly Hungry-Man frozen dinner of silver-spoon twerps, and he never met a mob he couldn’t repel with his imperious, gimlet-eyed gaze and matchless wit.
Or so you’d think:
For the nontweeters:
More than one DC cop has told me Tucker Carlson has called the DC police multiple times for peaceful protests outside his house. As one cop put it, “he once called because a hippy was banging a tambourine.” [snowflake icon]
“A hippy was banging a tambourine.” Yeah, that’s nearly the same thing as Viking cosplayers firing bear spray at cops, whipping fire extinguishers into crowds, bashing heads with flagpoles, and trying to rush the House chamber to disrupt the peaceful transfer of power for the first time in our venerable republic’s history.
I can see calling the cops if William Shatner were outside doing whatever this is in this video, but come on. How much more snowflake-y can you get, Tucks? Hippies and tambourines? Did you think you were going to be conscripted into the Hare Krishnas?
They say there are no atheists in foxholes. Well, there are also no Fox News hosts in foxholes—because they think hippies with tambourines (and maybe Hacky Sacks, too!) are a clear and present danger.
I can just about guarantee that if Carlson had faced what AOC did on Jan. 6, his mom would still be scrubbing his Underoos. Seriously, fuck this gelatinous ape turd. How does he still have a job?
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