Be warned. I preemptively apologize for being disjointed and not providing links.
I am completely overwhelmed. I went to bed last night after reading about the woman who was shot by a two year old while she was on a Zoom meeting, and about the Proud Boys openly beating and kicking people in LA while the police did little to nothing about it, and about the woman in San Antonio who rammed a parked car and then opened fire on the people who came out to see what was happening. This on top of being angry and upset about how the GOP is playing politics instead of trying actually being aware and concerned about how the Covid virus is causing havoc in our schools, in our hospitals, in our economy, in our world. The surfer guy who murdered his two babies makes more sense than the morons who believe TFG’s lies or the ones who send Jim Baker $1000 for his Miracle Blanket to heal their money woes or the ones who sacrifice their children and the entire medical system in their selfish senseless anger and delusions about vaccines and masks.
Then this morning I read about the 13 year old middle schooler in Albuquerque who was killed trying to help his friend in a school shooting. And the Taliban reached Kabul this morning.
Twenty years ago, I did not understand why everyone was focused on invading Afghanistan and Iraq when they had much less or nothing to do with Ben Laden and 9/11. I am a churchy kind of woman, so the Sunday after 9/11 I went to 3 different church services and listened to 4 sermons on the radio. Six of the seven preachers were somewhere between urging or encouraging or condoning nationalistic retaliation and dehumanizing ‘those Muslim religious fanatics.’ Only one preached restraint and reason and even compassion amid the sorrow and the horror … and he almost got fired because he did not join the fear and anger and desire to kick out at somebody, anybody. Twenty years, billions of dollars, thousands of deaths and the poor people of Afghanistan are no better, probably worse off than before.
There are 300+ people dead in Haiti after the earthquake. The western states are on fire. The smoke is making everyone sick and might actually aggravate the whole Covid situation. This is the hottest summer on record. I read that the Gulf Stream is acting weird. There is a good chance that the crazies will retake our government again in the next election.
AND I feel guilty because I am safe. I am 72, in relatively good health with enough income to have food, shelter, medical care and some extras living in a decent neighborhood. I have friends and people that love me. I have no ‘bucket list’ because I try to enjoy life as it comes and I have few regrets about the things that have happened or the choices I have made in my life. If I were to die today, my only regret/worry is how my daughter would handle the situation since I do child care, etc. for her as she is a single mom. Most of my family and friends are presently in a pretty good to decent situation.
But I feel guilty and I wonder how the hope of the Great Society that shaped and enriched my life got twisted and corrupted into the fear and anger and violence and insanity that I feel is shaping the world that my grandchildren will be living in.
I understand that much of what is happening is a result of individual choices. I have been recycling since 1967. I have tried to live a simple life. I have tried to be compassionate and understanding. I have tried to educate myself about my choices in the political arena. But I have not always been as active and outspoken as I could have been. And I feel guilty about this as well.
I am overwhelmed.