In the last year of working before I retired, I applied for a temporary job driving a van for those with developmental disabilities. My duties were to pick up people with disabilities from homes where they spent their evenings, nights and weekends and take them to a daycare center in the mornings and return them in the evening. The van I drove would hold two wheelchairs and then had two rows of seats behind the front driver and passenger seats.
The person who trained me always kept the passengers in the back seats. When I took over the route, the first thing I did was turn around and ask if anyone would like to ride upfront with me. Everyone responded excitingly that they would. I then told them that we would take turns which seemed to make everyone happy.
As I dropped the passengers off at their different homes, the front seat would become empty when it was that person’s turn. Sometimes on the very first stop, if it happened to be their turn to sit up there. With 5 passengers that were not in wheelchairs, the passengers would have the front seat a couple of times a week. One lady, when seeing the front seat empty, would ask me if she could sit up there for the rest of the trip and I always let her as it didn’t seem to upset any of the others. They were getting their turn and they were happy.
This lady was probably about 45 to 55. I know she had reduced mental capacities because she would tell me about how she had books that she was trying to read and understand. Other than that, I didn’t know any more about her because she didn’t exhibit any other unusual actions. After about 3 or so weeks, she was the last stop of the day riding up front and when I stopped the van, she began talking to me.
“I know I shouldn’t have feelings for you. I have problems controlling my anger when I am at my home, but I never do when I am with you. I just can’t help my feelings for you!”
The people I was working with were adults. Many of them were capable of walking, talking, moving about on their own, hearing, seeing, and a lot of things that we normally take for granted. Many of the people I worked with were in wheelchairs and some had mental and physical conditions that hindered their ability to live by themselves. But some were capable of feelings and also of sexual desires. I remember one lady who was very loving and I don’t know how to exactly explain her actions, but the lady in charge of her would constantly caution her. Her actions would have made many men think that she was coming on to them.
In another home, there were some of the adults that had a higher ability to take care of themselves to the position of even holding a job. The nightly pill regime of one lady included making sure that she swallowed her birth-control pill. Two of the patients engaged in sex during a shift I was not responsible for, but it was tolerated by management.
This lady who expressed feelings for me was not in any way, that I was aware of, expressing a sexual feeling for me. She was having a moment of “falling in love” and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her feelings. I told her “It is ok to have feelings. We both know nothing else can happen, but it is ok for you to tell me.”
I was not on that route very much longer. For the time I was, we continued as we had before and she still talked to me and I to her although the subject of feelings never came up again. She had mentioned wanting books to read so she could learn more. On the last trip I had, I brought her a book I had that had a lot of pictures and overlays of the human body. I hope it brought her some happiness.
I never saw her again after that trip. I have often wondered if I responded in such a way that didn’t hurt her in any way. The experience made me understand that even those who have developmental disabilities still have feelings. We have a lot of programs that address their physical needs, but I wonder about their emotional needs. One can be awfully lonely and not one knows.
Anyway, after almost 20 years, she is still one of my lINGERING IMPRESSIONS!
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