Ah Staten Island, the bastion of Trumpism in the otherwise boroughs of blue metro that is beautiful New York City. Where Freedumb reigns and the local Sbarro and its cheesish substance on top of its stoplight red sauce will definitely not be denied to the denizens of defiance. And this past Saturday, because nothing says standing up for your rights like upsetting a 16 year-old Chik-Fil-A cashier, we bring you the story of the gang that thought to themselves, “Selves, what America really needs is to have us protest somewhere that serves sketchy food that takes mall discounts. Let’s go!”
"Everybody go get food and eat. That is what we're here to do!" one woman said to the group, according to a video from freelance journalist Oliya Scootercaster. "We're going to meet over there and go into the food court area and sit our butts down and stay as long as we like!" Videos posted to social media show the protesters marching into Staten Island Mall in defiance of the city's indoor dining vaccination mandate. Although people are not required to show proof of vaccination or wear masks inside the mall, they do need to show proof of immunization to eat at the food court. Some chanted, "My body, my choice," while others recited the Pledge of Allegiance.
Pause and allow me to clean up my Kroger brand (but still pretty good) Cocoa Krispies I just snort-laughed onto my kitchen table. There. Better. Nope, still laughing my ass off. The pledge of allegiance? Really? So we are doing this as a nation now? Going to a mall food court to recite a pledge which rather than scaring the workforce, which probably is made up of some teens, will probably just remind them to do their homework.
And how about the jaw dropping over their heads irony of “My Body, My Choice.” Because the entire female community in the state of Texas might have a different take on that one.
Scootercaster, who was at the scene, wrote on Twitter that the dozens who entered Staten Island Mall were not asked to show vaccination cards, despite a sign at the entrance stating that it is required.
No Scootercaster, malls probably don’t invest in Vax-Cops at the door. You know this is the part where a polite and civil society respects and follows the advice of medical professionals, so it isn’t really something we can expect at your average retail establishment.
“Come back here you Vaxhole!”
So now we reflect on actions taken by those who believe the magic sky cloth will freedom only if A. Their hand is on their heart while singing the national anthem or reciting the pledge of allegiance, and B. Their right to clog their arteries with something that at one point may have come from a box with a skull and crossbones adorning its cover is unencumbered by such affronts as efforts to avoid long term organ damage and keep people from dropping dead.
But don’t worry, the protesters behaved in a dignified manner that reflects well on our nation. Ok sorry, there go the Cocoa Krispies again. I couldn’t even type that with a straight face.
Clips posted to Twitter show demonstrators expressing support for Trump and using expletives to denounce President Joe Biden. A male protester wielding a large American flag said he opposed mask mandates for children in schools and vaccine requirements, and falsely claimed that the vaccines have not been tested. Health agencies have repeatedly said the vaccines have been thoroughly tested, and the Food and Drug Administration gave full approval to the Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine last month.
That protester even said, “I don’t like experiments.” K. That is how we learn, that is how we come up with approved methods to fight diseases and improve lives, but hey, he doesn’t like experiments.
Because eating horse paste, and nebulizing peroxide, and gargling betadine, does not count as experiments.
Right…….
But I digress and I should have explained this-what is going around Facebook is a rumor that the CDC took a recipe for salad dressing, vinagrette I believe with just a touch of raspberry, and decided what the heck, let’s strap an invisible microchip into this baby, throw it into a syringe, and call it a day. These people believe no testing was done, although one could surmise a shift in pH levels from the vinegar.
So they say what we are really doing is walking around with off-brand Newman’s Own in our veins, and who knows what the garlic will do once it interacts with our immune system, which by the way, didn’t ya know, needs to be exposed to the worst diseases imaginable so that it can be strengthened naturally, like weightlifting.
So the next time you go to a Sbarro’s remember when you get whatever neon red covered packing material they call pizza, that a lot of brave Staten Islanders had to stomp, and cuss, and yell, and lick handrail snot to bulid up their immunity for you to safely eat without the burden of you having to actually make an attempt to protect yourself or others.
And if you start to worry about your risk of Covid, ask for salad dressing. Lots and lots of salad dressing.
I got that tip from Michael Flynn himself!
-ROC
I am weak, dealing with a stretch of fatigue I have been unable to pinpoint. We continue to monitor for cancer recurrence. This is the only living my health allows me to earn and I appreciate you. My newsletter is unaffected. Sign up here to subscribe! It publishes every Wednesday and is full of original reporting, laughs, and fun!
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-ROC