Republicans appear to think the Keystone XL pipeline is a vast series of intertubes that was all set to rush fairy wishes and enchanted unicorn farts to the doorsteps of every American before the evil wizard Joe Biden canceled it—along with every child’s dream for a world where Hillary Clinton stops coming round on alternate Wednesdays to siphon their blood like sweet, sweet Vermont maple tree sap.
The world Republicans live in is simply unrecognizable to anyone who doesn’t have the secret decoder ring. I’m starting to think Ben Carson left thousands of surgical sponges in the heads of GOP candidates who never asked him to operate on them. If I didn’t know better, I’d think Republicans are getting all their talking points from their bath salts dealers. Wait, I don’t know better. In fact, that’s as plausible an explanation as any for the following exchange from a recent GOP debate between candidates vying for Arizona’s 2nd Congressional District seat.
Here, Ron Watkins (who, by the way, is likely one of the original authors of the QAnon conspiracy) and Rep. Walter Blackman, who currently represents the Arizona House’s 6th District, match witlessness as they struggle to blame President Biden for things.
Watch:
MODERATOR: “Military aid to Ukraine. What do you think, Ron?”
WATKINS: “I support military aid to Ukraine, but I want to say that we would not even be in Ukraine if President Biden did not shut down the Keystone pipeline on the first day. Because now that that’s shut down, we have to get our oil, and we’re getting it from Russia, and we’re getting all these problems through the Ukraine, and that would not have happened if Biden had not shut down ...”
MODERATOR: “You’re saying … the pipeline helped prompt Russia to invade Ukraine.”
WATKINS: “Yes sir, because we’ve got all of this oil coming from Russia to the United States, and they want the better route to bring the oil through.”
Sweet Tina Yothers, what the fuck did I just type? I’m not even sure where to start with that one. Even blaming cancer on windmills is just a hop, skip, and a jump from point A to point B. I can’t begin to suss out how Vladimir Putin could have been this triggered by a foreign head of state canceling an oil pipeline in his own country.
Listen to a breakdown of the May primaries on Daily Kos Elections’ The Downballot podcast with David Nir and David Beard
Thankfully, Blackman had removed the railroad spike from his head a bit more recently than Watkins had, and so he had a somewhat more reality-based explanation for Putin’s aggression.
BLACKMAN: “Can I clarify? This is what I’m talking about. That’s not why they went into Ukraine. They went into Ukraine because Ukraine didn’t [sic] want to be part of NATO. Listen, you're trying to work on a national stage and you don’t even know why the war started in Ukraine? It had nothing to do with the Keystone pipeline. The Keystone pipeline caused the inflation and the increase in our gas prices. The reason why they went into Ukraine is because Russia wanted Ukraine as they had them pre-World War II, and Ukraine wanted to be part of NATO.”
MODERATOR: “Response, please?”
WATKINS: “He’s right. I made a mistake.”
Jesus H. Christ on a Sweet Basil Triscuit, kill me now.
No, the Keystone pipeline cancelation hasn’t caused high gas prices, either.
From an AP fact check:
This persistent narrative has been spreading on social media since the early days of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, along with false claims that all other U.S. oil pipelines have also been shut down. That is not the case. Experts tell The Associated Press that the Keystone XL pipeline cancellation isn’t affecting what’s happening in the oil market today. It was never operational when it was shut down, and was not slated to go into service until 2023, according to a press release from TC Energy, the company constructing the project.
And if that’s not clear enough for you, there’s this as well:
Even if the Keystone XL pipeline had been completed, the amount of oil it was designed to transport would have been a drop in the bucket for U.S. demand, experts noted. The U.S. used nearly 20 million barrels of oil a day last year, while global consumption of oil was near 100 million barrels. The pipeline would have contributed less than 1% to the world supply of oil, according to AP reporting.
So, no, neither of these guys has their facts straight. One is just way more embarrassingly wrong than the other.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to belong to a political party where you can say whatever you want and trust it will be believed by millions of people. Unfortunately for me, I’m not a sociopath. Fortunately for the world, there are still a few non-sociopaths left.
Hey, now there’s a campaign slogan for you: “Don’t be a sociopath. Vote blue in ‘22.”
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