Energize An Ally (or a Whole Bunch) Tuesday
Three weeks from today is November 8th. And I think we all know what that means: yes, it's National Cappuccino Day. Consider this your official notice to stock up on your cappuccino and cappuccino-related accessories.
It's also, my calendar tells me, something called "Election Day," during which we get to decide if we want to remain a shaky democratic republic or branch out into the exciting world of fascism, where no one is safe except conservative white men and the conservative white women who obey them.
Personally, I like living in a big melting pot of humanity, messy though it is, and so this morning I'm heaving another sack of gold coins into funding down-ballot candidates hand-picked for endorsement by the Daily Kos Elections team. Details below.
David Nir of DK Elections reiterates what we've all been saying for a long time now:
The single most powerful thing you can do to stop Trump from stealing 2024 is to elect Democrats to key positions down-ballot this year that will be crucial bulwarks against right-wing attempts to steal the election in 2024.
To that end, Daily Kos is endorsing 17 Democratic candidates for attorney general, secretary of state, and state supreme court across eight crucial states.
- Colorado: Phil Weiser (attorney general) and Jena Griswold (secretary of state)
- Georgia: Jen Jordan (attorney general) and Bee Nguyen (secretary of state)
- Michigan: Dana Nessel (attorney general), Jocelyn Benson (secretary of state), Richard Bernstein (supreme court) and Kyra Harris Bolden (supreme court)
- Minnesota: Steve Simon (secretary of state)
- Nevada: Aaron Ford (attorney general) and Cisco Aguilar (secretary of state)
- North Carolina: Sam Ervin and Lucy Inman (both for supreme court)
- Ohio: Jennifer Brunner, Terri Jamison, and Marilyn Zayas (all for supreme court)
- Wisconsin: Josh Kaul (attorney general)
The link to donate to one or more candidates is here. Personally, I heave a little scratch into all of their coffers, and I hope you’ll do the same. That way when they win we get invited to all the victory parties, many of which have tasty vittles and potent potables. Again, the link to donate is here. If you're concerned about catching Covid or the flu, you can click on this link which has been injected with bleach. But don’t click here as this is just a cheap Rickroll. Many thanks. May the best normal candidates with more than two brain cells to rub together win.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 18, 2022
Note: Tennis rules, pickleball drools.
—Paid Advertisement from the National Tennis Association
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By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til the midterm elections: 3
Days 'til the Apple Butter Stirrin' Festival in Coshocton, Ohio: 3
Percent of voters in states with the strictest abortion laws who favor exceptions for rape and incest, according to a new Kaiser Family Foundation poll: 82%
Percent of voters 65+ in the poll who say they are more likely to vote for a candidate who supports capping out-of-pocket costs for insulin or authorizing the federal government to negotiate the price of some prescription drugs for people with Medicare: 65%
Jump in Social Security benefits next year: 8.7%
Percent chance that conservative British Prime Minister Liz Truss has canceled her tax cuts for the rich and fired her treasury secretary: 100%
Minimum number of wins for the Falmouth, Maine high school Soccer team and basketball team under the coaching of Dave Halligan over the last 44 years: 500
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Off to class...
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JEERS to news from overseas. In the latest war to end all wars, the civilian population has risen up in unified opposition to the evildoers who are attempting to rain death and destruction on them without a care in the world. And while the horrible leader continues trying to recruit hapless stooges to fight back, it's all collapsing in a heap of incompetence, lack of resources, and universal condemnation. Pretty much the only question now, as mud season kicks into sloppy high gear and the opposition ramps up to deal a final death blow to the savage regime, is when the vicious-yet-hapless leader will finally get the boot as support withers and the country rapidly devolves unnecessarily into banana republic status. But enough about the British prime minister and the conservative government. Anyone know what's going on between Ukraine and Russia?
JEERS to the sound of silence. Now that the show's over, here's what's going to happen to Donald Trump in the wake of all those January 6 Committee hearings that proved—definitively and without a scintilla of doubt—that the45th president of the United States organized and launched a violent insurrection to hijack the government and overturn the fairly-conducted, counted, and audited 2020 election results:
But no matter what, we'll always share one thing in common as a result of the televised hearings: errant popcorn kernels stuck between the sofa cushions.
CHEERS to blowing this popsicle stand. 1490 years ago this week, in 532, Boniface II ended his reign as Catholic Pope, having finally saved enough money as a part-time farmhand to step down and blow this town to pursue his dream as a Fosse dancer on Broadway. No, wait, wait, wait. Sorry—on this date in 532 he actually died. That’s the last time I trust my history research to Footlooseipedia.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to good book learnin'. Forty-three years ago this week, in 1979, President Jimmy Carter signed legislation creating the Department of Education. It's one of the departments that the MAGA cult always threatens to abolish because of its communist-socialist-libtard mission to turn every school into a monolithic institution of brainwashing. Except, well, not so much….
The Department of Education does not establish schools or colleges …
Unlike the systems of most other countries, education in the United States is highly decentralized, and the federal government and Department of Education are not heavily involved in determining curricula or educational standards (with the recent exception of the No Child Left Behind Act). This has been left to state and local school districts. The quality of educational institutions and their degrees is maintained through an informal private process known as accreditation, over which the Department of Education has no direct public jurisdictional control.
Didya catch that? George W. Bush, the mighty titan of the party of "states' rights," increased the federal government’s authority over public education. What will we tell the children?
JEERS to America's deepest digger. Speaking of children... Hypocrisy, thy name is Herschel Walker. Not that this matters—Repubs gonna vote R and Dems gonna vote D, so the Georgia senate election boils down to voter turnout + suppression of Democratic votes + Republican election fraud—but for those of you following his Abortiongate scandal, here's how things have gone so far:
> I know nothing about the abortion I supposedly paid for, including the woman, the cancelled check, and the get-well card that the fake woman produced bearing my authentic signature.
> Okay, I know the woman, but I never paid for no abortion.
> Okay, my son confirmed the story, but what does he know?
> Okay, I paid for the abortion, but just that one time.
> No, I didn't encourage the same woman to get a second abortion.
> Okay, I also encouraged the woman to have a second abortion
> Nope—I didn’t pay for nothin’. Except that one time. But that was just for party hats.
> Okay, I did everything I said I didn’t do and I didn’t do everything I said I did do. I know nothing and everything. If you don’t stop accusing me of things I did or didn’t do, I'm gonna arrest you with my fake police badge.
> Okay, I never even said abortion was a bad thing. Except when I did.
> We need to move on to the issues that matter to Georgians. I have nothing more to say except have you heard the story about the three pregnant cows and the two straight bulls and the one gay bull? Have a seat...this takes about three hours to tell.
And wait'll you hear what he has to say about tort reform. (Don’t get him started!)
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Ten years ago in C&J: October 18, 2012
CHEERS to law enforcement, lawfully enforced. NABBED!!! COLLARED!!! BUSTED!!! Federal agents utterly decimated a terrorist plot to blow up the Federal Reserve's New York branch in Manhattan…
...with what he believed was a 1,000-pound bomb, officials said. Quazi Mohammad Rezwanul Ahsan Nafis was detained Wednesday after an alleged attempt to detonate the device, which was inert and part of an elaborate investigation by federal authorities and NYPD detectives. … Nafis faces charges of "attempting to use a weapon of mass destruction and attempting to provide material support to al Qaeda."
Nice try, evildoers. Once again, you've been out-witted, out-smarted and out-thunked by the FBI under the auspices of the Justice Department under the auspices of the Barack Hussein Obama administration. For someone accused of wanting to destroy America, he sure has a funny way of going about it.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to more news from across The Pond. [Beep Beep Beep Beep…Beeeep!] "We interrupt this broadcast to bring you a breaking news bulletin, old chap: today marks the 100th anniversary of the BBC, which is properly pronounced, of course, 'Beh Beh Seh.'
Since our founding we've maintained a reputation for being cool, calm, impartial, and accurate. So of course you Americans have no idea what to make of us.
Now stay tuned for The Goon Show, followed by Educating Archie and assorted ramblings from His Majesty the King during his ceremonial Spilling of the Inkwell." [Beepity Beeeeep!]
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
“I want to punch Bill in Portland Maine out. This is my moment. I’ve been waiting for this. For trespassing in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool. I want to punch him out, and I’m going to go to jail, and I’m going to be happy.”
—Speaker Nancy Pelosi
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