They Went That-Away…
As so often happens, The Daily Show was first to tap into the mindset of the voters just moments after they cast their ballots...
Take note, political scientists. That accumulated data’s pure gold.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, November 10, 2022
Note: Please fill out and send in your absentee ballot for the 2023 elections now so we can bank those votes. Together, we can do it! Again! —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til Thanksgiving: 2
Days 'til the Lansing Model Train Show in Michigan: 4
Percent of U.S. households that buy a car during a typical year: 40%
Number of new signups at Twitter alternative Mastodon over the last two weeks: 500,000
Percent of all 2022 movie box office receipts that will be attributable to Top Gun: Maverick: 12%
Number of winning tickets for the $2 billion Powerball jackpot: 1
Number of runners who took part in Sunday's New York City Marathon, including C&J splasher Maudlin: 50,000
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Speaking of what the rest of the world thinks of us, the [2004 election result] was nicely summed up by Britain's Daily Mirror with its classic tabloid headline, "How Can 59,054,087 People Be So DUMB?"
The Guardian just put a tiny, white-on-black headline: "Oh God."
I realize the "liberal elites" are not allowed to even quote the word "dumb" lest we be accused of "cultural condescension" toward our salt-of-the-earth red-state compatriots.
Since I'm a populist happily living in the midst of a quite red state (some of my best friends are named Bubba), I never pay any attention to such horse poop. But I do resent it when the people running the country think we're so dumb they can rip us off and then tell us to pray.
—November 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Yes, yes they are...
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CHEERS to wonderful wonderfulness in the Wolverine State. My first full-time job after graduating from college in Ohio involved packing my junk in a U-Haul and moving to Saginaw, Michigan, where I parked my hiney for seven strange but tolerable years. (Radio station gig.) After moving to Maine in 1993, I watched from afar as Republicans grabbed the levers of power there, ripped them out of the ground, and threw them into Lake Huron. From sending dictatorial "city managers" to hijack local governments in Black-majority towns, to poisoning Flint's drinking water, to rigging legislature rules against Democrats, Michigan sank like a stone into the sea of fascism. But in a textbook example of the adage "Don’t give up the ship," Democrats dug in their heels, developed a plan, worked their butts off, and turned out to vote. This is the result as of Tuesday night:
Democratic governor
Democratic attorney general
Democratic secretary of state
Democratic majority in the state Senate
Democratic majority in the state House
Democratic majority on the state Supreme Court
That Democratic majority in the state legislature was 40 years in the making. Now that they'll be in complete control, they damn well better prepare to tackle their long-stifled agenda while the corks from the champagne bottles are still airborne. Tonight on the C&J dinnerplate: fresh walleye from Lake Huron with sugar beet slices from Bay City, fried chicken from Zehnder's, and keep it comin'.
CHEERS to Big Big John. The voters in Pennsylvania have spoken. This Democrat will replace the retiring Republican in the United States Senate:
I've been a fan of John's ever since he was mayor of Braddock and attended Netroots Nation conventions. He's six feet, nine inches of blue collar whupass, and I'll tell you this right now: voters chose him over that New Jersey dog killer because—well, first of all, because he's from Pennsylvania and he doesn't kill dogs, but also because his appearance at that debate, awkward though it was at times due to his stroke recovery, was a demonstration of Fetterman's courage, tenacity, and dedication to communicating with the people even if the words don’t always come out perfect. I look forward to watching him loom over the runts of the Senate like Rand Paul and Marco Rubio. And to the media who worked overtime to try and humiliate him after that debate, I say this with all due respect: fuck you 'til the cows come home. And your little cocktail parties, too.
JEERS to stupid damn wars. It was during this week in 1982 that the Vietnam Veterans Memorial—a vee shape which points accusingly at the State Department—was dedicated. What, do you suppose, the Bush-era Iraq War memorial will be shaped like? Yeah, of course...a W.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the software revolution. On November 10, 1983, back when I was still banging out term papers on my REALLY LOUD Smith Corona electric typewriter, Microsoft introduced Version 1.0 of its Windows operating system. It wouldn’t actually be released until 1985, but the spark was...um...sparked. Wanna see something hilarious? Here's over-caffeinated former CEO Steve Ballmer selling Windows 1.0 (the last line is priceless):
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To mark the occasion, today the C&J cafeteria will be dishing out our famous Fatal Error Casserole served at exactly 404 degrees.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 10, 2012
CHEERS to Sean Hannity: looney libtard??? After getting a massive bucket of general-election ice water dumped on their heads Tuesday, conservatives seem to be dividing into two camps: those who think their salvation lies further to the ideological right, and those who are coming to the horrifying realization that their relevance requires moving left. Among the latter, apparently, is none other than Sean Hannity. The guy who once wanted illegals deported back to Mexico in boxcars now says:
"You create a pathway for those people that are here—you don’t say you’ve got to go home. And that is a position that I’ve evolved on."
Amazing! I can't believe it! Hannity believes in evolution now, too? Someone alert the FAA—there might be some pigs in the commercial flight path above his house tonight. [11/10/22 Update: Of course we know now that Hannity only evolves in whatever direction leads to the highest ratings, nothing more. And just like with Rush Limbaugh, when Sean’s finally dead and buried no one will remember a thing he said or did. The only evidence of his existence will be the noxious gases he emitted that’ll be trapped in the atmosphere for centuries. Heckuva legacy.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to U.S. Mint'y freshness. The new American Women Quarter is here! The new American Women Quarter is here! Yes indeed, the latest in the series of U.S. quarters celebrating accomplished American women was released late last month, and this one comes to you live frooooooooom...Hollywood!
Anna May Wong was the first Chinese American film star in Hollywood.
Her career spanned motion pictures, television, and theater. She appeared in more than 60 movies, including silent films and one of the first movies made in Technicolor. Wong also became the first Asian American lead actor in a U.S. television show for her role in “The Gallery of Madame Liu-Tsong” (1951).
After facing constant discrimination in Hollywood, Wong traveled to Europe and worked in English, German, and French films. She also appeared in productions on the London and New York stages. … She died on February 3, 1961. She is remembered as an international film star, fashion icon, television trailblazer, and a champion for greater representation of Asian Americans in film.
This is the last graduate of the Class of '22. C&J will keep the world posted on next year's honorees ahead of their arrivals. It'll give normal people time to learn more about these trailblazing women, and misogynists time to take their heart medication.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
”Littered with truths, untruths, and amusing whoppers, this might be the most fun of any Cheers and Jeers this year—on paper.”
—Roger Moore
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