For several years I wrote professionally for a regional business magazine in the Midwest. Not as Aldous J. Pennyfarthing, of course. No, for this gig I used my real name, Wolfgang T. Gigglebottoms. One thing I learned—other than that many “serious” business minds really do believe in the Laffer swerve—is that while many businesspeople are brilliant, innovative, and conscientious when it comes to the health and well-being of their workforce, a lot of them are just gormless chodes.
The worst, though, are the self-proclaimed alpha whales who don’t know what they don’t know. You may recall that we had a president like that. And there are a lot more entrepreneurs of his ilk out there—people who lucked into generational wealth; leveraged it either through cunning, instinct, or blind luck; and think they're invincible geniuses who can bend the universe to their will whenever they want.
Elon Musk appears to be one such individual. After buying Twitter for a bloaty $44 billion, Musk seems to be going out of his way to destroy it. Who knows who’s advising him, but he could have bought a pre-destroyed company, like the Trump Org, for a lot less and had money left over for plastic surgery to complete his transformation into a Muppet shrink-wrapped in human skin.
But instead of tapping the brakes as he speeds toward a brick wall of his own making, he’s doubling down. And if Apple and Google bounce Twitter from their app stores just because it’s becoming a viper’s nest full of Nazis, MAGA mites, and other virulent racists (Musk recently opened the floodgates, letting Donald Trump and other users who previously violated Twitter’s rules back on the platform), he’s gonna make them pay. Oh, yes, he most certainly will.
Gizmodo:
This week alone, Musk polled Twitter users over whether he should provide “general amnesty” to suspended accounts and got into a public fight over whether the disgraced founder of FTX, Sam Bankman-Fried, owns a part of Twitter. On Friday, Musk was at it again, telling people that he may make an alternative phone to face off against Apple and Google.
The tech billionaire’s comments were made, naturally, in response to a tweet directed at him by conservative podcaster and former OANN host Liz Wheeler. On Friday afternoon, Wheeler tweeted that Musk should make his own phone if Apple and Google decide to kick Twitter off their app stores. Twitter’s future in Apple and Google’s app stores has been a hot topic lately, given Musk’s commitment to “free speech”—as long as it doesn’t offend him—and lax content moderation.
For the nontweeters:
If Apple & Google boot Twitter from their app stores, @elonmusk should produce his own smartphone. Half the country would happily ditch the biased, snooping iPhone & Android. The man builds rockets to Mars, a silly little smartphone should be easy, right?
Uh-huh. As everyone knows, creating your own smartphone from scratch is a doddle. There’s nothing to it. Most of us made phones as kids by taking two empty tin cans and connecting them with a piece of twine. This would be just like that, except with the potent gonad-shriveling power of 5G.
Naturally, Musk responded in a quintessentially Musk-ish fashion.
For the nontweeters:
I certainly hope it does not come to that, but, yes, if there is no other choice, I will make an alternative phone
Good to know! But as Gizmodo points out, Musk is hardly unacquainted with vaporware.
While Musk has declared his intention to build his own phone should Apple and Google cross him, it’s important to remember that this man says a lot of things that don’t end up happening. Remember the Tesla Semi, which is three years past deadline? Or the Cybertruck, which turned out not to be bulletproof in a live demonstration? Heck, the only reason he owns Twitter is because he couldn’t figure out a way to get out of the deal.
There’s always a chance Musk will pull his own fat out of the fire despite himself, but if canning everyone who makes your company great—or even viable—is the sum total of his “genius,” we may seriously need to think about redefining that word.
I won’t be buying the MuskPhone—or a Tesla, for that matter. And when it comes time to resettle on Mars, I’ll be seeking alternative transportation.
But hey, knock yourself out, Elon. Maybe you can start a Twitter employee/neo-Nazi exchange program. Every time a Twitter worker is fired or quits, you can invite one more Nazi in. Assuming they’re not all already inside your big circus tent.
Sen. Raphael Warnock is still defending his Georgia seat, and the Dec. 6 runoff is coming fast. If you can—and if you aren’t too tired from saving America on Nov. 8—please rush a donation to Team Warnock now! You can also write letters to Georgia voters with Vote Forward! Let’s finish up strong!
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
