Top 6 Reasons to Sign Up for Health Insurance at healthcare.gov Today
6. You only have eight days left to sign up for coverage starting January 1st.
5. Did somebody say excellent benefits? Like no denial for pre-existing conditions? Like keeping dependents on your plan until age 26? Like a bunch of free preventive care services? Like no lifetime caps? And in many cases premiums are lower than usual because of the expanded premium support? Why yes. Yes, I did.
Continued...
4. Your insurance card doubles as a convenient windshield scraper in winter and, when flapped back and forth, a gentle cooling fan in the summer.
3. I can’t tell you what #3 is. You’ll just have to trust me.
2. Because enrolling means you’re, like, a responsible adult and stuff.
And the #1 reason, courtesy of Daily Kos’s brainwrap (aka Charles Gaba) at ACASignups.net, who keeps track of the numbers like no one else:
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Again: 8 days for coverage starting January 1.
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, December 7, 2022
Note: The great thing about C&J’s notes during the holidays is that when one lett r goes out the rest stay lit. That’s quality you can depend on.
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By the Numbers:
Weeks 'til winter: 2
Days 'til Christmas on the Farm in Troy, New Hampshire: 11
Amount spent by Herschel Walker's senatorial campaign and outside groups during the runoff election period: $27 million
Amount spent by Raphael Warnock's campaign and outside groups during the runoff election period: $57 million
Expected number of Americans who will die of Covid-19 in 2022, its third year: 150,000
Per-barrel price cap on Russian oil agreed to by the G-7 and European Union: $60
Cost to buy the 12 gifts of Christmas this year, according to the annual PNC Christmas Price Index: $45,237
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 186 (including 3 False Christs and 1 naughty tin soldier voyeur). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Big ol' feetsies…
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CHEERS to victory in the Peach State. History was made last night when the Reverend Raphael Warnock became the first Black American to be voted to a full term in the U.S. Senate representing the state of Georgia. Or as we'd like to report it:
Georgia Vampire Defeats Texas Werewolf
Ironically, No Silver Bullet For Walker
Republican Loses His “Erection”
Ketchup Cleanup Crew Dispatched To Mar-A-Lago
I guess that means we can drink now. Congratulations, #51.
CHEERS to America the Resilient. Today marks the 81st anniversary of the “day that will live in infamy”—the surprise and surreal Japanese air attack on the U.S. base at Pearl Harbor that killed 2,403. As a nation, we snapped out of it in the blink of an eye and it was all downhill for Yamamoto and Tojo after that. Needless to say, the number of veterans who were there on Dec. 7, 1941 is fast dwindling. Only a few will make the trek this year, but Lou Conter will be watching the memorial service from home in California:
"I'm going on 102 now. It's kind of hard to mess around," Conter said.
Conter's autobiography "The Lou Conter Story" recounts how one of the Japanese bombs penetrated five steel decks on the Arizona and ignited more than 1 million pounds of gunpowder and thousands of pounds of ammunition. "The ship was consumed in a giant fireball that looked as if it engulfed everything from the mainmast forward," he wrote.
He joined other survivors who were tending to the injured, many of whom were blinded and badly burned. The sailors only abandoned ship when their senior surviving officer was sure they had rescued all those still alive.
The Arizona's 1,177 dead account for nearly half the servicemen killed in the bombing.
Mr. Conter and the rest of the survivors would appreciate it if we young'uns would kindly never forget that day or those who were there. Happy to oblige.
JEERS to previews of really shitty coming attractions. The Georgia runoff election will hoover up most of the oxygen in the internet-o-sphere today. But Marc Elias, that election fraud-fighting superhero who won all those court cases in 2020, says you should sneak a peek on this out of the corner of your eye today. Via his email update:
On Wednesday, Dec. 7 at 10 a.m. EST, the U.S. Supreme Court will hold oral argument in Moore v. Harper, a landmark case out of North Carolina that gives the Court the opportunity to review the fringe independent state legislature (ISL) theory.
Earlier this year, the North Carolina Supreme Court overturned the congressional map drawn by the state Legislature for being a partisan gerrymander that violated the state constitution. North Carolina Republican legislators appealed this decision to the U.S. Supreme Court, arguing that under the ISL theory the state Legislature can’t be constrained by the state constitution when regulating federal elections.
The Court could let North Carolina Republicans get away with unfair gerrymanders—and possibly give state legislatures unchecked authority over federal elections at the same time.
This case could have devastating ramifications for American democracy.
But the six SCOTUS Puritans better think carefully—a hard lift, I know. But as Markos points out, if they release state legislatures to their own unconstrained whims, California could, for example, gerrymander their congressional district maps to guarantee 48 Democratic members of Congress (up from the current 40) and only 4 Republicans (down from 12). Same with New York and other blue states. So, really, this case isn’t about the law. It's about whether or not Republicans are as stupid as they look. (Spoiler alert: we know Thomas is.)
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to great inventions. The microwave oven, invented by Dr. Percy LeBaron Spencer (from the great state of Maine), was patented on this date in 1945. We were going to use this as an opportunity to give a lecture on proper microwave usage and safety, but here in C&J “Danger” is our middle name and it’s too much hassle and paperwork to change it so…
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And in case you’re wondering: our last name is “Call 911.”
CHEERS to our newest employee. We've been noticing all the well-deserved ink and clicks and likes and adulation that Daily Kos's Ukraine War analysts—Kos, Mark Sumner, Annieli, et al—have been getting. And it got us thinking: maybe C&J should grab a slice of that pie by hiring our own EXCLUSIVE correspondent to study the maps, plot the movements, and generally keep an ear to the chatterverse for the benefit of our loyal readers. Thankfully, we coaxed Lt. Colonel Li'l Red (Ret.) out of the nursing home, and he brings us today's first report in scintillating detail:
My god. The armchair strategists will be poring over that for days.
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Ten years ago in C&J: December 7, 2012
CHEERS to warrin' Warren. Nobody ever refers to the Senate Banking Committee as just "The Senate Banking Committee." No, no, no. It's always referred to as "The POWERFUL Senate Banking Committee," followed by a window-rattling crack of thunder. Yesterday we learned that Senator-elect Elizabeth Warren was given a seat on the—say it with me—POWERFUL Senate Banking Committee. Wall Street CEOs are so upset this morning that they dropped a martini olive in their eggs Benny. The horror.
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And just one more…
JEERS to perilous playthings. I probably should've mentioned this item a couple weeks ago before the entire country shopped for toys over the Thanksgiving holiday. The Public Interest Research Group is out with their annual Trouble in Toyland report (pdf), and the good news is that, on the whole, toys are safer. As usual, toys whose chemical levels are too big, noise levels are too loud, or whose parts are too small topped the list, along with perilous counterfeit or recalled toys that are still being sold. Meanwhile, the Cheers and Jeers Public Safety Commission and Unlicensed Liquor Institute has a few additions that the PIRG missed:
The Li'l Warrior Happy 57E6 Surface to Air Missile Could pose a choking hazard to children under 5 and/or Russian conscripts in Ukraine; may also be detrimental to flowerbeds and recalcitrant nations who choose to give us attitude instead of extortion money.
Tickle Me Matt Gaetz Doll May warp the minds of impressionable, underdeveloped adult brains. May also lead to sex trafficking lawsuits in federal court.
Trump 2024 Constitution Terminator If activated, could result in your family being rounded up, thrown in a boxcar, and shipped off to a gulag in northern Alaska for the rest of your life. Also: emits smell of rotting cheeseburgers.
Playskool's Big Box of Republican Covid Cures Contains landfill dirt, syringes full of bleach, horse de-worming pills, UV light suppository, fish tank water, a "Jesus is my vaccine" button, and a coupon for 10 percent off your funeral expenses.
Baby's First Papa John's Pizza Bake Set Considered dangerous because the end product is Papa John's pizza. [See also: Baby's First Godfather's Pizza Bake Set]
Mike Pence Gives A Speech Play Set May cause children to die of boredom. Adults, too. And pets. And many in the immediate Pence family.
"Manchin 2024" baseball cap Side effects include lower IQ, chronic gullibility, and delusions that Daddy's coal job is coming back.
Ho Ho Ho! You've been warned.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
BILL IN PORTLAND MAINE DOES NOT NEED A BABYSITTER YOU NEED A BABYSITTER
—Wonkette
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