Thank You...Again!
As of a week ago, the Daily Kos community had donated $1.1 million for agencies helping with the humanitarian crisis in Ukraine. Let's check the tote board and see where we are this morning:
$1,624,598.92
That’s pretty darn Дивовижні кулі, which my handy Google translator says is Ukrainian for “amazeballs.” That’s some serious generosity right there. If you'd like to add to the total for the four chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, the International Rescue Committee, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will help you take care of the rest. And for each five dollars you donate, Vladimir Putin and/or one of his oligarchs will develop one mystery rash.
We now return you to our regularly-scheduled Ukrainian grandmothers capturing Russian tanks and missile batteries with nothing but canned vegetables and righteous fury.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, March 15, 2022
Note: Today is the Ides of March. I seem to have misplaced my dagger, so I'll have to assassinate you with this toothpick instead. [Poink! Poink! Poink! Poink! Poink! Poink!] Sorry, this might take awhile. While you’re waiting to shuffle off your mortal coil, please help yourself to a muffin.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til "Play ball!" now that the baseball lockout is over: 23
Days 'til the Wild Chicken Festival in Fitzgerald, Georgia: 3
Amount approved last week for aid to Ukraine: $13.6 billion
Amount the Cyber Ninjas are getting fined by a Maricopa County, AZ judge for failing to release public records: $50,000 per day
Amount that the Cyber Ninjas have already racked up, which is why they're now shopping for a judge who will nullify the previous judge’s ruling: $3 million
Year during which NASA's Artemis moon mission is scheduled to send humans back to the Moon: 2025
Years the NCAA March Madness tournament has been around: 84
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Beagledini’s amazing disappearing act…
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JEERS to morning in America. As we meet the dawn and wipe the sleepies out of our eyes, here's a quick recap of yesterday's top story and also a preview of today's:
Gas Gas Gas Gas Gas
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Gas Caution: Flammable Gas
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It’s in the shape of a gas can, see? And that’s why you come to C&J every day. We bring the news to life.
JEERS to the looooong wait. Don’t you dare say “Happy Equal Pay Day” or you’ll get a frying pan to the face and rightly so. Yes, today is Equal Pay Day, symbolizing how women have to work roughly 16 months to earn what men earned during the twelve months of 2021. CNBC reports that employers are aware of the issue, and many promise they're working on it. But many aren't, and for that you can look to the Republican party to see why. For your entertainment, we present our annual single reference to the late Phyllis Schlafly, who once donned her finest antebellum hoop skirt and belched:
"Suppose the pay gap between men and women were magically eliminated. If that happened, simple arithmetic suggests that half of women would be unable to find what they regard as a suitable mate. … The best way to improve economic prospects for women is to improve job prospects for the men in their lives, even if that means increasing the so-called pay gap."
She’s dead and buried now. Sadly, someone forgot to toss the GOP in with her.
CHEERS to the GREAT STATE OF MAINE!!! We told Massachusetts to kiss our hineys (well, the proclamation specifically says “kisseth our hineyeths”) 202 years ago today, after which we declared our independence and became America’s 23rd state, though not under the best of circumstances:
Mainers had begun campaigning for statehood in the years following the Revolution.
The Massachusetts legislature finally consented in 1819. What no one in either Massachusetts or Maine foresaw, however, was that Maine's quest for statehood would become entangled in the most divisive issue in American history—slavery.
Most Mainers supported abolition. They were dismayed that their admission to the Union was linked to the admission of Missouri as a slave state. This controversial "Missouri Compromise" preserved—for a few more decades—the delicate balance between pro- and anti-slavery forces in the U.S. Congress.
We've got a lot going for us, if I do say so myself. We're governed by a liberal Democrat (the first woman guv in the Blaine House, and she's done an admirable job handling the coronavirus crisis up here). We're the first state in the country to approve marriage equality by a citizen vote independent of the legislature, our scenery will lower your stress level in mere minutes, our lobster melts in your mouth, we're a national leader in voter turnout (and voting rights), we have a popular new national monument thanks to former President Obama, and our energy is getting greener by the day, as is our marijuana industry. So, if it's okay with the rest of you in the lower 48, we'd like to stay attached to the republic for a little while longer. At least until Canada makes us a better offer.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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"BLECCH" to #7. Today is President Andrew "Old Hickory Farms Smoked Sausage" Jackson's 255th birthday—born March 15, 1767 in Waxhaw, North Carolina. In many ways he was certifiably nuts (beating people with his cane, dueling, the Seminole genocide, believing the earth was flat, I could go on and on but historians have already done that for me), and in others he was a bit of a visionary, like when he faced off against John Quincy Adams in 1828 and crushed him 187 electoral votes to 83. Part of his secret: he followed the Howard Dean strategy. From Anything for A Vote by Joseph Cummins:
Jackson had the immediate edge because he understood the need for party organizations in each state. ("You must avail yourself of the physical force of an organized body of men," he told supporters.) Soon "Friends of Jackson" in all parts of the country were pushing for Old Hickory, the Hero of New Orleans.
These "Hurra Boys" wrote political songs, printed pamphlets and attacked Adams with a vengeance.
If you feel so moved, pay your respects here. But if you opt to spit on the grave instead, you won’t hear me complain.
JEERS to Barack's Obamicron. While everyone else in America was enjoying another quiet, stable weekend under the leadership of Joe Biden, our 44th president—Joe's old boss—was joining Club Covid:
Former President Barack Obama announced Sunday that he has tested positive for COVID-19 but is generally “feeling fine.”
“I’ve had a scratchy throat for a couple days, but am feeling fine otherwise. Michelle and I are grateful to be vaccinated and boosted, and she has tested negative,” he posted on Twitter.
Damn. What are the odds a fully-vaccinated and booster'ed former president with platinum-plated health care would contract Covid as cases of the latest variant are dropping like a rock? Gosh, I'd say no higher than the probability that, say, Tom Brady would return to pro football after retiring just two months ago. And in other news, Tom Brady is returning to pro football after retiring just two months ago. And I think I'll go back to bed now.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 15, 2012
JEERS to red meat for morons. See, this is the problem with reciting far-right talking points robotically. When your brain is switched to autopilot, your mouth has a mind of its own. Here's Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards with the details of gaffe #3,434:
Unbelievable. While campaigning in Missouri yesterday, Mitt Romney laid out his priorities if he becomes president. And he came right out and said what he and so many other anti-choice, anti-women's health politicians want to eliminate: "Planned Parenthood—we're going to get rid of that." What really got me…was how casually he said it. As if it doesn't matter that eliminating Planned Parenthood would mean cutting millions off from what is for many their only source of health care.
As if one in five American women hasn't relied on a Planned Parenthood health center at one point or another. As if we won't rise up, speak out, and stand strong to defend women’s health and the women, men, and teens who count on Planned Parenthood.
I'm trying to think if there are any groups that Romney hasn't marginalized or flat-out threatened with punitive action if he ends up toting his suitcase full of magic underwear to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Stay vigilant, left-handers—I hear Romney thinks southpaws are socialists!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars Star Wars!!!!
Sorry. Reflex. Happens whenever a new official trailer comes out. This time it’s Obi Wan Kenobi getting his own series on Disney Plus, with Hayden Christensen returning as Darth Vader, new evil imperial baddies (Hisssss!!!), some kid as Luke Skywalker, and John Williams writing the main theme YES I SAID JOHN WILLIAMS OMG OMG OMG!!!
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May the Force be with it in 71 days.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Spending just 30 to 60 minutes each week in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool can not only make you stronger, but also likely add years to your life, new research suggests.
—USA Today
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