...steaming, flaxen waxen hair!”
Those of a certain age will recognize these words from the blockbuster musical of many years ago-—“Hair.” Hair was a major issue in those years, as in men who grew theirs long to rebel against the status quo. IMO, all that hullabaloo had little to do with women and if you look back, that supposedly rebellious musical is amazingly quaint in its male oriented POV.
But still not much has changed in our culture regarding the fact that human’s are built for vanity, as in our “husk” defines us in so many ways, maybe never more so than now in these days of instagram.
Yes, Alopecia is a problem that women suffer from more than men. Men have long been excused for their baldness, women not so much. It’s not a small thing for a woman to lose her hair. It’s huge. The way our culture defines women, hair is a large part of it. Not having it is very stressful and uncomfortable for a woman, to say the least.
So I just want to say, as best I can, I understand Jada Smith’s discomfort at being the butt of a really weak joke over her struggles with this. And I really wish more people would understand how this disease effects women in our hyper cosmetic culture--our crazy and unending expectation of women to continue to be “hot” or be discounted. Yeah that is still a thing. A really big, huge thing. Particularly in Hollywood, where men age with elegance and women rarely get that chance---and that along with the rest of the media is in so many ways the stencil that guides how women everywhere feel about themselves.
I’m hoping that we can see how two things can be true at the same time. One thing is that a man felt a need to defend his wife. OK. Understood to a point. The other thing is that he could have done it so much better---for his wife and all women.
Like, imagine endless scenarios where he used his HUGE PLATFORM and power, to speak out against what Chris Rock made a bad joke of. Oh man, he could have owned the morning shows for days with interviews about Alopecia and what his wife has suffered. IOW, it could have actually been about his wife, rather that his own needs.
But no. For me, what Will Smith did felt so patriarchal, so---I dunno, John Wayne. Like the little woman needs me to speak up for her. Honestly, I would have freaking loved it if Jada had walked up on that stage herself and told Chris Rock a thing or two.
SIGH. Instead, we are left with the old fashioned idea that a man must protect his woman. And I’m not saying this is what Jada asked for, but fact is, her husband made that decision for her. Oh man, Jada and I may part ways here, but I’d have been so freaking pissed off if my husband made that decision for me—like I was some kind of bauble who couldn’t look after or speak for myself.
Because here’s what. No good was done by what he did. He subtracted not only from his own significant accomplishments, but also from the whole rest of the affair which is now lost in the fog of Will Smith assaulting Chris Rock on national TV.
And who’s left to speak of the trauma of a woman losing her hair in this culture, No one who can be heard above the fray.
And I guess, we could all put our noses in the air and say, puleeeeeze, there are more important things to deal with. And yes, that is true. But OTOH, IMO, perhaps we could all ask the men in our lives to listen to us, support us, but please, let us speak for ourselves.