(Hartford’s Pickle-Fingered Pistolero takes his show on the road, but faces a tough crowd.)
It was only a question of when...
When was the Mayor of Hartford, Wisconsin going to lose control of his concealed weapon...again?
Answer: On March 9th, 2022
But this time, it’s where he chose to fling his firearm that could land him in a veeerrrry different government chamber.
We’ve got a serial slinger on the loose, folks! Yup, he’s got history! Tim “Madcap” Michalek’s previous display of gun-juggling occurred on October 26th, 2021, at the City of Hartford Common Council meeting. And the incident before that one happened prior to the onset of the COVID pandemic. That “debut” was at his preferred venue, a public meeting.
Some of you keen observers are already thinking, “Wait, so the interval between gun fumbles is decreasing!?!?”
Let’s be clear, we are discussing the gun fumbles that occurred in public. These were witnessed by other elected officials, by public employees, and by private citizens.
Where, you ask, is the public outrage? Why all the enabling behavior by these witnesses? Why does an inept and dangerous gun-juggler get a pass?
Now of course, Madcap Michalek is free to fumble his firearm in the privacy of his own office, or in any restroom stall, beside any urinal, and while bending to wash his hands at any sink. He can fumble his firearm as he sits in any pew, opens the door to any restaurant, carries a casket at any funeral, lobs a ball on any playground. Because Freedumb.
And because of Freedumb, any Hartford resident wishing to avoid grievous bodily harm is advised to stay abreast of the Mayor’s whereabouts, to avoid entering the Kill Zone.
Hartford residents are wise to assume that there have been other, unreported fumbles. The guy can’t help himself. He doesn’t want to help himself. He doesn’t want to see the problem. Like a willful child, he refuses to own the problem. Mayor. Timothy. Michalek. Has. A. Problem.
Below is a summary of the Mayor’s latest firearm fiasco, as reported by the Washington County Sheriff’s Office. That alone should tell you Hartford’s Premier Heat-Packer is finally attracting the kind of attention that may make Hartford safer...no, I mean truly safer!
Posted on 3/24/2022
Date: March 24, 2022
Case: Illegal Possession of Firearm 22-8559
Authority: Detective Lieutenant Tim Kemps
The Washington County Sheriff's Office has completed a criminal investigation concerning Washington County Board Supervisor – District #17, Timothy C. Michalek. On March 22, 2022, a request for criminal charges was referred to the Washington County District Attorney's Office after an incident involving the possession of a firearm that occurred before the Washington County Board of Supervisors and Administrative Committee meetings on March 9th, 2022.
The Washington County (WI) Sheriff’s Office is requesting that misdemeanor charges for Carrying a Concealed Weapon (CCW) and Carrying a Firearm in a Public Building be filed against City of Hartford Mayor and Washington County Supervisor Timothy C. Michalak.
In a statement issued on March 24, the Washington County Sheriff’s Office stated the agency conducted an investigation after a request for charges was submitted to the Sheriff’s Office on March 22.
“It is alleged that before the start of the Administrative Service Committee meeting (on March 9), Timothy C. Michalak was talking with another county employee. During the conversation, a concealed firearm dropped from the supervisor’s waistband and fell to the floor under a table. The county employee picked it up thinking it was a cellphone, but quickly realized that it was a holstered firearm. The firearm was handed back to the supervisor who again concealed the firearm,” the Washington County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement.
Washington County Board meetings have been held at the Washington County Sheriff’s Office for several months because the normal chambers are being remodeled. While state law allow allows people with valid CCW licenses to carry firearms in government buildings, individuals are not allowed to carry firearms into public safety buildings. In addition, a person who does not have a valid CCW license cannot carry a firearm into any government building. The Washington County Sheriff’s Office said Michlak had an expired CCW permit on March 22.
“The supervisor implied to detectives that as an elected official he believed he was exempt from the law and could carry his firearm inside police departments and the sheriff’s office. Both charges are Class A misdemeanors and if charged and convicted would be punishable up to nine months in county jail, and a $10,000 fine,” the Washington County Sheriff’s Office stated.
Washington County Sheriff Martin Schulteis said, “As soon as I heard about the incident, I directed our investigators to conduct a full investigation. Typically, we do not release identifying information before formal charges are filed; however, this case involves a public official and an alleged act done while he was performing in his official capacity in a public venue. In the interest of transparency, and the public’s right to know, I have deemed releasing this information as appropriate. This is an unfortunate event, by someone with a proven track record of public service and public safety support, but the community needs to trust that public officials are also held accountable to the people and the laws of this state.”
So, Mayor Michalek took his show on the road. Not content to merely wow the locals with his hands-free feats of prestidigitation at City Council meetings, Hartford’s Super Sovereign Citizen is now performing at County Board meetings, County Fairs, and carnival side shows. “Bring your Kevlar, folks! This is one show you won’t wanna miss! Let’s just hope the Mayor misses you!!!”
Mayor Gunfumble exhibits a curious malady: he continues to carry a “concealed” handgun that is not secure, while clinging to the bizarre delusion that every new fumble will be his last. He also deludes himself that the very same sidearm that keeps attempting to escape from his waistband is keeping him safe. Huh? In what alternate reality is this rational thinking?
Every felon and would-be felon in Washington County knows that the best source for a handgun is Hartford Mayor Timothy Michalek. And you don’t even need meet him in secret, or slip an envelope full of twenty dollar bills under his door at City Hall. Just smile at him and shake his hand. “Thump!”
Remind me again about that working definition of insanity. Ah, that’s right: it’s when a person keeps repeating the same failed action again and again, expecting a different result.
“Parents, you’ll be thrilled to know that this Thursday Mayor Michlalek will be speaking to students at Central Middle School. His topic is, ‘What does a Mayor do?’ To prepare for this rare and exciting event, students will be practicing duck-and-cover drills!”
As an elected official and public servant, Timothy Michalek should be setting an example by not only knowing the law, but abiding by it, scrupulously. He has always, always, been able to consult with the Washington County DA and with Sheriff Schulteis about matters of County Law, to dispel any uncertainties, assumptions and false beliefs he may have. In deciding whether to pursue charges, the County DA might be apprised of the two similar and earlier incidents that occurred at the Hartford City Hall. Now whether or not the two previous incidents constitute illegal conduct, for the purpose of establishing a pattern of reckless behavior, knowledge of the prior incidents might influence sentencing.
If all goes well, and there is a sentence, Hartford residents and Washington County citizens might enjoy up to nine months of improved public safety. Michalek, for his part, might have up to nine months of meal planning all taken care of, paid for by the people he holds in so little regard. Let’s hope he gets more than a stern talking to and a slap on the wrist. Let’s hope his Entitlement Card is expired, and that justice is blind.
At the city government level, Hartford Aldermen with integrity and courage can say, “Enough! We will do as we did in the past: conduct the Peoples’ Business and represent their interests without the presence of firearms at our meetings! This is Hartford, Wisconsin, not some frontier flophouse in the old Wild West! And if you, Mr. Mayor, lack the courage to conduct the Peoples’ Business in person without your ridiculous and slippery sidearm, we’ll see you on Zoom!”
The Aldermen can also forward a list of qualified therapists who can help the mayor to confront his affliction. Because help is there when you need it.