Military veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars are probably already familiar with what a “technical” is. For those who are not familiar, a technical is a civilian vehicle that is pressed into a combat role and is armed with some sort of crew-served weapon (machinegun, mortar, etc.). Most commonly, a technical will be a civilian flatbed truck with a machinegun mounted in the back. This contraption is highly popular amongst the combatants of 3rd World countries if they cannot afford dedicated military vehicles. The Toyota Hilux pickup truck is apparently a favorite of technical connoisseurs.
Toyota should start advertising their trucks as literal proven combat machines — it’d be a fantastic marketing pitch that Chevy could never compete with. I mean, just imagine a slow motion montage of grizzled fighters driving their Hilux through sand and mud firing a machinegun then having a caption that says: “Proven in battle. Toyota.” Tell me that macho men that listen to country music about trucks would not spend all their money on Toyotas after watching that.
Here’s a video that provides some discussion and background information on technicals:
Now, what does this have to do with Russia in Ukraine today? Well, Russia is now using technicals to fight in Ukraine. Yeah. The “super” power that’s supposed to have the worlds 2nd best military is using civilian trucks that have machineguns bolted to the back. Forget about hypersonic missiles. Behold, Russia’s fleet of superweapons that will smash Ukrainian resistance:
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I have no words to describe how dumbfounded I am. Now to be fair, as the video on the history of technicals mentions, Russians in WWI actually came up with the “tachanka” which was a horse drawn wagon with a machinegun in the back of the wagon. In WWI it was supposedly an effective means of ambushing troops and quickly running away (I have my doubts about that considering Soviet propaganda). In fact, the tachanka was mythicized by the Soviets in 1937 when they composed a song describing the heroics of a lone gunner riding a tachanka into battle against the White Army. It’s a catchy tune. The Soviets even drew a little cartoon to go with the song (imagine this being played in the Soviet Union around the same time as Disney made Snow White and Pinocchio). Have a listen:
Now, in 2022 I think anyone can safely say that having a machinegun bolted to a civilian car is a terrible idea — especially for a country that supposedly spends ~$65 billion a year on its military. A soldier with a rifle could kill everyone riding on a technical, which I’m afraid some of the veterans here could attest to. This is why real military powers (like the US) have built Humvees. It’s the same concept as a technical or a tachanka, but a Humvee is at least armored to protect the riders from small arms fire. From the clip above, you can see that the Russians haven’t even bothered to bolt on armor plating to protect the driver.
Maybe Putin or Shoigu listened to “Tachanka” and thought “hey, that’s a good idea!” Maybe they were inspired by the Soviet energy in the song. Or, perhaps, the Russian military is on its last legs and is desperately trying to throw something into their invasion. It should be worth recalling that Russian factories can no longer produce tanks because Russia lacks the capacity to manufacture its own ball-bearings or modern computer chips. These technicals are the result of our sanctions in addition to their own incompetence. We hit them where it hurts and it truly shows. To the individuals who are still holding out that Russia will “inevitably defeat Ukraine militarily,” I want to know how that’s the case in light of this madness.
