They say only two things can survive a full-scale nuclear war—the common American cockroach and Mike Lindell’s hale-and-hearty mustache. So as crass as it may seem to proffer a Pillow Man update during this fraught moment in world history, Lindell’s antics seem at least tangentially connected to the current zeitgeist.
I’d largely lost interest in Lindell over the past several weeks—mainly because all the supposedly incontrovertible election fraud evidence he keeps serving up seems nothing if not controvertible. And, well, anyone who remains determined to return Vladimir Putin’s BFF to the White House in spite of all that’s happened over the past few news cycles appears to lack both common sense and perspective.
That said, Lindell has been particularly barmy in the past several days, and as Daily Kos’ unofficial Pillow Man beat reporter, I felt a brief update was overdue.
Issue 1! Lindell now says he’s spent $35 million trying to overturn the results of the 2020 election.
Back in December, Lindell claimed he’d spent $25 million trying to prove that Trump is still our rightful president. Well, both his brain and his bank account must have sprung new leaks, because as of Saturday, that figure is now a gobsmacking $35 million:
On Saturday, the pro-Trump businessman attended a rally for the former president at the Michigan Stars Sports Center in Washington Township, Michigan. Ahead of Trump's speech, Lindell spoke to Right Side Broadcasting Network (RSBN) about his ongoing efforts to prove Biden isn't the legitimate president.
"The evidence we came out with 10 days ago—it's over. It's just a matter of getting it out there," he claimed.
"I've spent about $35 million," the MyPillow founder told RSBN. The interviewer looked shocked, turning her head and looking at the ground as she kept the mic on Lindell.
I can tell I’ve been shirking my Pillow Man duties, because I have no clue what evidence he’s talking about. I’d check, but trying to make sense of Lindell’s “evidence” is like poring over the raw transcript of Randy Quaid farting into Google Translate for two hours.
Seriously, though—$35 million? Imagine if he’d spent that money on something more useful—like, say, a 75-cent newspaper that could have alerted him to Georgia’s hand recount of every last ballot cast in the state in 2020.
Issue 2! If Trump doesn’t return, Jesus definitely will.
KUSA-TV anchor and reporter Kyle Clark flagged this from Lindell’s Monday night appearance in Grand Junction, Colorado:
For the nontweeters:
NEW: Election denier Mike Lindell, set to headline a noon rally at the Colorado Capitol alongside GOP candidates, said in Grand Junction last night that the fight against election rigging is linked to the biblical apocalypse. #copolitics
"If I'm wrong and we don't get our country back, all of us believers go to Heaven. We win either way, you know? It's end times then," Lindell said, drawing applause from the crowd.
Okay then! So do we have to wait for the Hale-Bopp comet to swing back around, or is it gonna be one of those Kirk Cameron-style raptures? And when the rapture does come, will Lindell be giving mustache rides to heaven, or is that reserved for his FrankSpeech premium members?
Issue 3! Colorado has legalized infanticide, according to the guy who spent $35 million trying to prove a claim that was thoroughly debunked by his local morning newspaper.
Wut?
For the nontweeters:
NEW: MyPillow guy Mike Lindell, headlining a rally of GOP candidates at the Capitol, departs from election rigging claims to say Colorado just passed a law allowing newborns to be killed a month after birth. That claim, in technical terms, is complete horse excrement. #copolitics
I don’t presume to understand Lindell’s thought process, but I can only assume his brain does a hard reboot every time a MyPillow intern microwaves a Hot Pocket. Who told him this? Jesus? If so, he should look for at least two more independent sources, and neither one can be an absinthe fairy.
Issue 4! Lindell says TV stations won’t run his ads anymore if he’s in them.
Yeah, this is just sad:
MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell said he was barred from appearing in some of his company's commercials.
"I had 12 TV stations just the other day now say that I couldn't be in the commercials. I can only say 'MyPillow.' I cannot personally be in them," Lindell said during an interview with Right Side Broadcasting Network on Saturday.
Lindell did not specify which stations had stopped him from appearing but said they were "smaller" networks.
You’d think if your own face had become too offensive to show on a pillow ad, you might redirect your efforts toward selling more pillows. Or something. Just a thought.
Lindell added, “They want my voice stopped. Believe me, they cancel, they will never get to sell my product again.” Well, that’s probably true. Unless Dominion Voting Systems takes over the company, of course—which could very well happen in the not-too-distant future.
Issue 5! Whatever this is …
(second tweet)
For the nontweeters:
And just before Mike Lindell makes his way to the State Capitol steps, he gets served with a lawsuit. Details to follow. #copolitics
Hmm. Very interesting.
Stay tuned …
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