Let’s Check the Tote Board
It’s been a couple of weeks since we checked in on the Daily Kos relief fund for Ukraine. As of this morning, you’ve generously donated a whopping...
$2,489,934.08
I’m making a commitment to donate something every week, both out of off-the-charts respect I have for how Ukraine is collectively smashing Putin’s tinfoil tanks, and also empathy for how their civilians are still suffering at the hands of the Russian orcs.
If you'd like to add to the total for the five chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, the International Rescue Committee, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will help you take care of the rest. Many thanks.
We now return you to the Russkis’ latest bridge-building disaster probably already in progress.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 17, 2022
Note: I just signed up for AAA. They're running a special now where you get free Bufonidae service at no extra charge. It's perfect for anyone who wants to prepared in case they ever need their toad towed.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Obi-Wan Kenobi drops on Disney+: 10
Days 'til the annual Kentucky Sheep & Fiber Festival in Lexington: 4
Percent of Americans in a new NBC News poll who say Roe v. Wade should not be overturned by the Supreme Court (a new high for this poll), including 84% of Dems and 63% of independents: 63%
Joe Biden's approval rating in the same poll: 39%
Number of votes for Ukrainian band Kalush Orchestra, which won the Eurovision Song Contest last weekend: 631
Estimated ratio for how much aroma matters more to a dog than taste when it comes to food, according to Mary Roach’s book Gulp: 70/30
Estimated aroma/taste ratio for a cat: 50/50
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Puppy Pic of the Day: "Hello kitty…"
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CHEERS to primary fevuh! It's on. Oh, yeah, it's on. A teeny tiny trickle of eligible voters will make their voices heard today when they choose the candidates who'll be the candidates who'll be chosen or not chosen in November by a slightly-larger trickle of eligible voters. Here's the rundown in excruciating detail:
Idaho What the hell do I know about Idaho politics? Ask the Daily Kos Elections team, they're the experts.
Oregon See Idaho except replace Idaho with Oregon and never forget that Portland, Maine is the first and original Portland in all the world so stop acting like the real one is the one in Oregon, ooooooooooh we get so mad about that over here in the land of the Original 13.
Kentucky See Oregon except add a line of praise for Kentucky's excellent strains of marijuana, now fresh for the pickin' behind most Walmart stores in the Bluegrass State.
North Carolina Ooh! Ooh! I know something about this state! Republicans will decide today if they want Madison Cawthorn, the famous bra-wearing producer of a Master Class video on how to violently make your male cousin gargle your balls in bed while making wild grunting noises, to continue for another term as the member of congress who represents their viewpoints and proclivities. (Spoiler alert: they probably do.)
Pennsylvania: Does anyone think progressive John Fetterman's mild stroke will hurt his chances of being the Democratic Senate candidate instead of decent-but-connivingly-conservative congressman Conor Lamb? I doubt it, but we'll see. Fair warning, though: if Lamb becomes a senator, he'll be joined at the hip with Joe Manchin and find reasons to block President Biden's agenda up, down, and sideways.
The Trump cult is also fielding a trio of candidates in their Pennsylvania Senate primary, all three gaslighting slimeballs and the likely winner will be a—[checks notes]—Turkish citizen who lives in New Jersey and whose fame was launched by Oprah. What can we say? Politics is weird.
CHEERS to knocking on the clubhouse door. Russian weakman Vladimir Putin, frail and gaunt from losing his war on Ukraine and cancer, ordered a lackey to throw an extra chair across the room last weekend when he heard that Finland and Sweden—two badass Scandinavian countries who don't take no shit from nobody (with certain exceptions for ABBA)—want to join the North Atlantic Treaty Organization:
The decisions stand as a major rebuke to Russian President Vladimir Putin, who sent troops into Ukraine in February in part to prevent NATO's enlargement.
"This is a historic day," said Finnish President Sauli Niinisto, who made the announcement at a joint news conference Sunday with Prime Minister Sanna Marin. "A new era begins."
The Finnish Parliament is expected to endorse the decision in coming days, but it is considered a formality. Sweden's ruling Social Democrats said on Sunday they backed joining NATO. That creates a large parliamentary majority in favor of the move. Both countries are expected to make formal applications within days.
I say let 'em in. The process is amazingly simple. Just pinky swear "All for one and one for all," then sign here…and here…and here…and initial here and here and here, then once again below all the signatures and initials. The committee will take the application under advisement, which could take six to twelve weeks and oh who am I kidding, come on in and get your sash, membership card, holy hand grenade, and 25% off coupon at any Dunkin in the greater Poughkeepsie area. Fearless prediction: Sweden will help engage Putin’s army in the most nefarious form of psychological warfare ever: dropping Ikea furniture kits behind enemy lines without the L wrench.
CHEERS to today's Kum By Yah Moment. Sixty-eight years ago, the U.S. Supreme Court, back when it had a shred of legitimacy, handed down its 9-0 opinion in Brown vs. Board of Education, ending racial segregation in public schools:
The U.S. Supreme Court decision in Brown v. Board of Education (1954) is one of the most pivotal opinions ever rendered by that body. This landmark decision highlights the U.S. Supreme Court’s role in affecting changes in national and social policy. […]
In December, 1952, the U.S. Supreme Court had on its docket cases from Kansas, Delaware, the District of Columbia, South Carolina, and Virginia, all of which challenged the constitutionality of racial segregation in public schools.
The U.S. Supreme Court had consolidated these five cases under one name, Oliver Brown et al. v. the Board of Education of Topeka. One of the justices later explained that the U.S. Supreme Court felt it was better to have representative cases from different parts of the country. They decided to put Brown first “so that the whole question would not smack of being a purely Southern one.”
I'd like to say it was smooth sailing since, but unfortunately today we're dealing with a problem just as bad: Republicans vs. all the Boards of Education.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to Captain Blabbermouth. Remember all those years we used to tease Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas for never saying anything? And remember how he just kept on not saying anything, as if he was a stupid idiot who had somehow been convinced to super-glue his lips together on a dare from Ruth Bader Ginsburg? And remember how his silence was deafening? And then remember when he finally decided to say words out loud and they were the most disgusting, self-absorbed diatribes of self-pity the civilized world had ever heard? Yeah, me too. And I believe I speak on behalf of all of us when I say I can't wait 'til the day when I can ask if you remember how happy you were when he decided to never say anything again.
CHEERS to International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia, and Biphobia 2022. Since our previous president had no intention of devoting even a millisecond to this occasion, it's a little jarring to come face to face with a reminder of what it looks like when a compassionate, equality-minded grownup occupies the most powerful office in the world:
One smart thing the Obama administration did was release this 2015 White House fact sheet on actions taken by the Executive Branch on behalf of the LGBT community. The Trumpbots wasted no time trying to un-do as many of them as they could, but at least we have a blueprint for un-un-doing it, and Joe Biden's doing his best. Just don't forget to turn on the right lights in 15 days when Pride Month starts, Mr. President...
Hell, they look so purty you should just leave ‘em on all the time.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 17, 2012
CHEERS and JEERS to letting nature take its course. Evil Hobbit Ron Paul is leaving the campaign trail. Bad news: he'll never run for president again, denying Democrats much hilarity and Republicans much embarrassment. Good news: his grassroots operation will continue to try and rack up delegates, so he'll still be a thorn in Mitt Romney's side. Best news: wide open availability as a rent-a-leprechaun for next year's St. Patrick's Day parties.
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And just one more…
JEERS to a whole lot of nuthin'. I think it's important to follow up on the made-up scandals Republicans tried to lay on Democrats when they controlled their various committee gavels. If nothing else, it reminds us of just how pettily and irresponsibly they wield power when they're in the majority. Two years ago, political angler Lindsey Graham, who chaired the Senate Judiciary Committee, went on a fishing expedition to reel in all of then-candidate Joe Biden's criminal doings. What did he know about Michael Flynn and when did he know it? Who did he "unmask" and how? And what about Burisma??? And Hillary's child sex ring in that pizza parlor??? And Benghazi??? And Obamagate??? And who really shot J.R.??? Lindsey demanded answers and he demanded them immediately...
“We must determine if these requests were legitimate,” Graham said, referring to requests by top Obama administration officials to “unmask” Flynn’s name. Biden’s name was revealed Wednesday on a list of officials who reportedly unmasked Flynn’s identity in redacted intelligence documents related to special prosecutor Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation.
Such “unmasking” requests are common, including during Trump’s administration.
Trump has been saying that “Obamagate” is the “biggest political crime” in American history—but has yet to explain what crime he’s talking about.
Spoiler alert: Lindsey reeled in no guilty Democratic fish and quietly paddled back home to Pawpatch County to drown his bitterness in a Shirley Temple as America kicked his party back to minority status. (Not even the smell of jasmine wafting on the breeze brought him comfort.) And convicted crook Michael Flynn had to be pardoned by Trump to keep his crimey hiney out of prison. So there…now you’re up to date. Have a doughnut.
And have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
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