Before you read the second entry on my series on mental health, I highly recommend you read the previous entry called “Not Afraid” — May is Mental Health Awareness Month. That will give you the background that will explain the stylistic choices I made for this particular series.
Do know that this entry was the FIRST one I ever wrote. The previous one was a preface I added on after the fact.
It’s time to go into the movie Frozen, and to the second song in particular. It explains bipolar disorder to children like nothing else can. How? Listen to the song first, and then read my Facebook story below. It was the first time I had reached out to other people in over a YEAR.
I am not ready to tell all of my personal story yet. However, do know that I have the perfect song to explain today for me, and the conflicting emotions that I am feeling.
I have been tortured by Frozen too many times in my life to enjoy it, but I need to put that aside in the interests of self-help. If you look at Frozen as a whole like I now do and merge Anna and Elsa into one character, Frozen is an adventure of a person with bipolar who has a happy ending.
It's time for the first educational lesson about me and make myself vulnerable. "Tell the guards to open up the gates!"
"For The First Time In Forever" explains bipolar disorder as I live it TO THE LETTER. Especially today! It should be the bipolar intro anthem!
I am Anna today. Anna is my insecure manic phase. Anna usually looks to undo the damage caused by depressive self-isolation, meet new people, try new things, jump around from subject to subject, buy and notice the '8,000 salad plates', and build relationships. [NOTE: When I post here more often, I am more manic.]
The thing is, she is inexperienced because of so much self-isolation and she doesn't really know how to fix herself. She is vulnerable to a Hans type character - more on that in later posts.
Usually, when I am Anna, I could be one of the most brilliant people you can meet and 'at least I've got a chance'! When I was Anna, I was an effective teacher. The kids LOVED me. My brilliance and creativity shone through, and I am the dream teacher. Bosses love workers that are bipolar in a manic phase.
For the last year, I have been Elsa. Elsa is my depressive perfectionist phase.
She hides her emotions and tries to hide behind the façade. She wants nothing more than to self-isolate and hide her gifts and be invulnerable.
Elsa will NEVER reach out to you. If it weren't for my mom telling me to reach out to bipolar and Long Covid support groups and old friends as her Christmas present, I'd still be an Elsa because of 'don't let them know'. And that's in the middle of an Anna mania! [NOTE: When I disappear from here, I am more depressive.]
For [Arizona] folks, I was Elsa for the last 2 years there for most people who I never let in during an Anna manic phase. I will explain why I cut you off in the next few lessons.
For the [Michigan] folks, you've never seen my Elsa phase. You don't even know about it, because Elsa was hiding in the background (the duet near the end) the entire time and only let you see Anna. I knew. When I'd disappear as a sub when you wanted me, I was in my Elsa self-isolation phase and didn't want you to see it. "Don't let them in, Don't let them see". I didn't have that option [in Arizona] so I flopped badly.
There's definitely an undercurrent of Elsa today. I HATE 'opening up the gates'! You must help me defeat Elsa in this song. Make me the Elsa at the end of the film who has come to terms with everything. Be like Olaf, Kristoff, and Sven later in the movie.
And the thing about bipolar is you don't know when the switch will flip. "I know it all (could) ends tomorrow, so it HAS to be today". Keep me accountable here. Don't let me be an Elsa to all of you wonderful people ever again.
- me, Christmas 2020
Now that the gates are opened, it is time to explain bipolar disorder in a much more scholarly way. This short video is a good primer to explain the clinical definition of this mental health disorder.
Here are some bipolar terms you should know:
depression: a mood disorder that is marked by varying degrees of sadness, despair, and loneliness and that is typically accompanied by inactivity, guilt, loss of concentration, social withdrawal, sleep disturbances, and sometimes suicidal tendencies
mania: excitement manifested by mental and physical hyperactivity, disorganization of behavior, and elevation of mood
hypomania: a milder version of mania as defined above
bipolar disorder: any of several psychological disorders of mood characterized usually by alternating episodes of depression and mania
mixed episode: Mixed episode refers to the presence of high and low symptoms occurring at the same time, or as part of a single episode, in people experiencing an episode of mania or depression. These are amongst the most dangerous times for people with bipolar disorder.
What is the difference between bipolar 1 and bipolar 2?
One major difference between BP-I and BP-II is the intensity of manic episodes. BP-I involves periods of severe mania whereas BP-II involves periods of less severe hypomania.[4]
Mania and hypomania are both marked by persisting elevated, expansive or irritable mood that is uncharacteristic of the person at baseline. These periods may also involve abnormally elevated self-esteem, decreased need for sleep, increased talkativeness, flight of ideas or racing thoughts, abnormal distractibility, increased energy or goal-directed activity and abnormally risky behaviors.[5]
Mania lasts for at least one week and is considered a medical emergency, often requiring psychiatric hospitalization.[6] Its effects on one’s personal life and ability to work are debilitating.[7] Hypomania lasts for at least four days.[8] It does not cause impairment in functioning, require hospitalization, or have psychotic features.[9]
Another notable difference between BP-I and BP-II is the prevalence of major depressive episodes. A BP-II diagnosis requires a patient to experience at least one major depressive episode. While those with BP-I may also experience major depressive episodes, a major depressive episode is not a diagnostic requirement.
Major depressive episodes involve persisting depressed mood or anhedonia (the inability to feel pleasure) for at least two weeks. These periods may also involve an increase or decrease in appetite or body weight, persisting insomnia or hypersomnia, persisting fatigue or energy loss, psychomotor agitation (fidgeting or restlessness) or slowing, feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt, problems concentrating or making decisions and recurring thoughts of death or suicide.[10]
I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2, which seems like an advantage in that I avoid the dangerous highs of mania. However, it means that most of my life is spent in a deep and dark depressive place. I am Elsa most of the time, and Anna very rarely comes to the surface. That’s a shame, because Anna is definitely the more creative part of me and I miss that portion most of the time. Alas, that is the price I have to pay!
I hope this sheds a little bit of light on what bipolar disorder is. I know I have barely started my personal mental health journey yet, but it will begin next time I post, which will be Sunday at 9AM. Look for the title of “Do You Want to Build a Snowman?” — How Trauma Works.
Until next time!