C&J Annual Fundraiser: Day 3
Sorry to pull out the big persuasion gun, but this morning I feel it's necessary to play the country song card in the hopes that it'll help keep this column and my meager passbook savings account afloat for another year. So here goes. I hope this works: "I'm beggin' ya darlin’, please."
Kos set up PayPal accounts for both one-time donations and recurring monthly donations. The monthly subscriptions are hugely helpful for minimizing the total needed during our annual C&J pledge week:
One time contribution: click here.
$5 monthly contribution: click here
$10 monthly contribution: click here
$20 monthly contribution: click here
Snail mail and thrilling conclusion below the fold...
To send a donation via snail mail, the address is:
Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.
If you're already a C&J monthly subscriber through PayPal
You don’t have to do anything but make sure your card is still active
and then feel good about your excellent investment.
A few brief points as we near the end of our 2022 plea for cash and jewels and/or fine artwork:
1) 100% of your donations go toward vital food, medicine and sagebrush clearing.
2) I have never taken money from Super PACs, and if they ever offer me any I would certainly turn them down. [Uncrosses fingers]
3) Spreading your wealth around to someone like me would be socialism, which I guarantee will drive the Republican snowflakes bonkers. So it's a unique opportunity to "own the cons." Do it! The more you give, the angrier they’ll get.
Thanks again for supporting America’s longest-running kiddie pool-based blog post. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled stuff you were doing before reading this.
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, June 15, 2022
Note: Ladies and gentleman, the captain has turned on the Okay, I’m Done Fucking Around Here sign. Please fasten your seat belts and grab your armrests until your knuckles turn white, as this is the first time it’s ever been used on a commercial flight and we’re not exactly sure what happens now. Thank you. —Your Flight Crew
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Juneteenth: 4
Days 'til the Bixby Green Corn Festival in Oklahoma: 8
Number of ideas Republicans have proposed that would effectively lower inflation: 0
Percent chance that scientists now believe climate change won’t affect Maine's lobster industry, thanks to our "unique oceanographic features" and ongoing conservation efforts: 100%
Number of major cryptocurrency collapses in the last two months: 2
Number of representatives of the medical and legal field in Germany who will conduct hearings in anticipation of the country legalizing marijuana: 200
Factor by which you divide the seconds between a lightning strike and a thunderclap to determine how far away, in miles, the storm is: 5
Stanley Cup Update
Colorado Avalanche ??? Tampa Bay Lightning ???
Game 1 is tonight
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 188 (including 5 wild weather events and 1 gown-wearing child groomer). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Is potato…???
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JEERS to Judgment Day…denied. Drama! Intrigue! Skullduggery? Dems in disarray? My god, it's enough to make your head spin thinking about why the House Jan. 6 Subcommittee abruptly CANCELED today's hearings. That's right—no lights, no cameras, no jaw-dropping revelations, no Liz Cheney eye lasers burning holes through the furniture. It’s CANCEL CULTURE RUN AMOK! And why was today's hearing CANCELED, you ask? Well, after dangling an NBC News reporter upside down by the ankles from the roof of 30 Rock, I successfully procured the URL to the story which, yes, I suppose I could've googled from home, but where's the fun in that? Anyway…
Rep. Zoe Lofgren, D-Calif., a member of the panel, told reporters Tuesday that the postponement was due to "technical issues" stemming from "overwhelming" demand on staff to produce videos.
"We're trying to give them a little room," Lofgren said.
Tomorrow's hearing will proceed as scheduled, focusing on Trump's attempt to get his vice president to either prevent the election results from being certified or hang from the gallows. But just to be safe, I'll keep dangling this reporter from the roof in case anything changes.
CHEERS to Civic Duty Tuesday. Do you people have any idea what yesterday was? No, seriously, I’m asking because I was in suspended animation from a cheesecake-induced coma. Wait, wait…it’s coming back to me. Yes! Yesterday was primary day in the GREAT STATE OF MAINE and the fair-to-middlin’ states of South Carolina, North Dakota, and Nevada (make sure you pronounce it properly—NAY-vee-AHH-day—or they’ll get very upset). Here's C&J's exclusive report that you won’t find anywhere else because it’s EXCLUSIVE in ALL CAPS:
✔ There was no gun violence because the polling places had doors.
✔ Paper ballot voters were offered a choice of “Bamboo Fiber” or “Non-Bamboo Fiber” options.
✔ The mail-in ballots were sorted, processed, and counted efficiently.
✔ Many assholes won their primary races, as did many non-assholes. The race between the dork with the clown shoes and the goober with the inflatable flamingo is still too close to call.
✔ Some of the weather was really nice, some of it was not so nice, but no haboobs were reported.
✔ The "I Voted" stickers were plentiful and many voters complimented the manufacturer on how they were adhesive enough to stay on, but not so adhesive that they were difficult to remove.
✔ America continues its inevitable slide into an apocalyptic Republican-run police state, but at least for now it’s still a slow-motion slide into an apocalyptic Republican-run police state.
Next Tuesday: contests in Alabama, Virginia, Arkansas, and Georgia. And you'll find that C&J is, as always, your best resource for linking to the people who know what they’re doing, namely the Daily Kos Elections Team. That’s why I win all the Pulitzers, folks.
CHEERS to Things That Bounce for $400, please. On June 15, 1844, Charles Goodyear got a patent for better rubber, which would prove wildly successful in the production of tires. When asked last week if the company could patent a similar substance that would give Marjorie Taylor-Greene something even slightly resembling an I.Q. bounce, a company spokesman said, "Hey, we're chemists, not miracle workers."
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the Natural State (which we assume means everyone runs around naked there). On this date in 1836, Arkansas became our 25th state. Current population: 3 million. Birthplace of President William Jefferson Clinton. State mammal: white tailed deer. State fruit and blossom: South Arkansas vine ripe pink tomato. State instrument: the fiddle. And, of course, the official asshole: Senator Tom Cotton.
CHEERS to today's edition of Uh, Yeah…That's How Summer Works. Headline courtesy of our local ABC affiliate:
The summer forecast is in, and it looks warm for Maine
This has been today's edition of Uh, Yeah…That's How Summer Works.
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 15, 2012
JEERS to the banality of evil. Have you seen those pretty ads for the Michigan tourism industry? Golly, they make the state look swell. But I wonder if people would be as inclined to visit if they knew the state was in the grip of a dictator governor who gets his jollies from taking control of and then destroying communities dominated by minorities. It's truly bizarre to see the kind of stuff Rick Snyder and his Republican Orcs in the legislature are getting away with:
In Michigan, stands of towering trees on a woodsy 22-acre patch of parkland were knocked down so three holes of a privately owned golf course could be built—extending right to the crest of sand dunes overlooking Lake Michigan. The town, Benton Harbor, the poorest in the state, is predominantly African-American. In exchange, residents are getting a system of hiking trails connecting smaller chunks of inland acreage. The replacement land was located around old industrial areas and contained lead, benzopyrene and about 20 other chemicals, according to a report prepared for the developer.
Stay tuned for the unveiling of the state's new slogan: "Come to Michigan—We Only Poison Our Peasants!"
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And just one more…
CHEERS to staying in touch. Needless to say, following the Biden administration on Twitter is a helluva lot more informative, honest, and optimistic than the gaggle of gaslighters who sold their souls to the previous guy (who is currently getting a national drubbing by the Jan. 6 committee). A year ago I posted a list of some of the accounts attached to Team Joe that I go to on a regular basis when I need a sanity break from the wrecking-ball “leadership” of Republicans at the state and federal level. If you missed it the first go-round, here’s an encore:
The White House
President Joe Biden
First Lady Dr. Jill Biden
Vice President Harris
Chief of Staff Ron Klain
Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre
Secretary of State Antony Blinken
Interior Secretary Deb Haaland
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U.N. Ambassador Linda Thomas-Greenfield
Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg
HUD Secretary Marcia Fudge
Asst. Secretary of Health Dr. Rachel Levine
Commerce Secretary Gina Raimondo
Labor Secretary Marty Walsh
Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin
Science Adviser Eric Lander
A lotta brain power right there, and worth pointing out that turnover in this administration is astonishingly low, and corruption is non-existent. It’s a reminder that, unlike the previous guy, Joe really does only hire the best people.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
The United Arab Emirates on Monday banned Cheers and Jeers from posting there after its inclusion of a kiss between Bill in Portland Maine and a squirrel.
—ABC News
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