Let’s Check the Tote Board
Yikes. It’s already been a few of weeks since we last checked in on the Daily Kos relief fund for the Ukrainian civilians affected by dying Russian dictator Vladimir Putin’s last futile stab at glory. As of this morning, we see that another $150k+ has been added to the total:
$2,644,350.05
If you'd like to support the five chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, the International Rescue Committee, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will help you take care of the rest. Many thanks.
Meanwhile, the Republican party has canceled its toilet paper drive on behalf of Moscow because they remembered that sharing is communism and that, of course, leads straight to bamboo fibers in election ballots. Good catch, guys.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, June 21, 2022
Note: Don’t forget that you can follow me on Twitter at @BillinPortland. You'll find news, sports, weather, and tons of hilarity. In other people's feeds. But please follow mine, too.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til National Coconut Day: 5
Days 'til the Key Lime Festival in Key West: 9
Number of states now experiencing record-low unemployment: 15
Number of states (NJ, OR) where you can't pump your own gas: 2
Number of years Joe and Jill Biden have been married as of last Friday: 45
Number of retail workers employed by Apple: 65,000
Years journalist/pundit Mark Shields was a regular on PBS NewsHour before he died over the weekend at 85: 33
Date on which I created my very first blockquote in C&J: 6/21/05
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Pucker up…
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CHEERS to a Herculean clash of teammates. In 140 days, Democrats and Republicans are going to beat each other's brains out in the midterm elections. But first we've got to get through the season whereby Democrats beat Democrats' brains out and Republicans beat Republicans' brains out. To that end, here's C&J’s EXCLUSIVE rundown of today's hot primary action:
Alabama: Voters will choose the candidates they believe are most adept at balancing a banjo on their knee. At this hour it's not looking good for the Republican candidate for dog catcher in Conecuh County, as all he owns is a tuba.
Arkansas: Voters will decide via referendum whether or not to make swamp gas the official state vegetable. Many Kansasarkans support the move, but election watchers believe they'll wait to award that distinction to soon-to-be-governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Georgia: I don’t know who's going to win the races here, but I can tell you one thing for sure: tonight Georgia is going to be on my mind…wait for it…y'all.
Virginia: Welcome to Virginia—an enigma wrapped in a riddle inside a naval shipyard. Virginia is an odd place these days—a blue state in which a MAGA extremist was just elected governor instead of the Democrat who had a sterling track record from his first term as governor, all because of shit that the MAGAt said was happening in the state that wasn't really happening at all. Fair warning, Arkansas: this is what happens when you make swamp gas your official vegetable.
Saskatchewan: Oh, didn’t we tell you? President Biden ordered an invasion of Saskatchewan last night and they immediately surrendered. But then Joe did takesie-backsies about ten minutes ago and said it was all in fun. He and Justin had a good chuckle over it. Really, people, you need to start paying closer attention to the news cycle.
Keep an eye on the Daily Kos Elections Team tonight as they crunch the numbers and bring you the results in simple, concise, and timely updates. Clearly I'm overqualified for that job.
JEERS to another day getting an undeserved paycheck. Today the members of the Uvalde, Texas police department will put on their uniforms, pin their badge to their chest, strap their weapon to their waist, and go to work as usual. Why? Beats me. They should be locked up in a special prison for the biggest, stupidest cowards in the world for this, via Daily Beast:
Police officers responding to last month’s mass shooting at an Uvalde, Texas, elementary school never even tried to open the door to the classroom where young children were trapped with the gunman, according to a new report. … Nineteen children and two teachers were killed during that time.
[T]he law enforcement source told the Express-News that the gunman, Salvador Ramos, could not have locked the classroom door from the inside, and investigators believe it may have been open the whole time. In addition, the source said, a forcible entry tool called a halligan bar was available to officers throughout the siege, which would have allowed them to open even a locked door. The police response to the deadly attack is currently under investigation by the Texas Rangers and the FBI.
To be fair, no one should be surprised by the actions of a police department whose motto—"To Eat Doughnuts While Sitting Around With Our Thumbs Up Our Butts"—is clearly posted in their break room.
CHEERS to great moments in agriculture! On this date in 1834, Cyrus McCormick got his patent approved for the first reaping machine. Eh, sow what?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to Day 4. After last week's bombshells that have swung public opinion waaay in favor of arresting chief conspirator Donald Trump and putting him on trial for seditious treasony evildoer stuff, co-chairs Bennie Thompson and Liz Cheney will be back in their seats this afternoon (1pm eastern) to continue revealing the lengths to which the Republican party went to destroy America last year. Click here to get caught up on what you may have missed thus far via the committee's Twitter account. Like this:
Today's hearings, starring Georgia's Republican Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger, will focus on how Trump tried to pressure state and local officials to help him steal his way to a second term. In lieu of popcorn, we’ll be noshing on peaches. (In cling syrup no less. We’re just fancy schmancy that way.)
CHEERS to making it safe to eat Butterballs. 240 years ago, Congress approved the bald eagle over the turkey as the U.S. symbol. It was a tough decision, but in the end they decided it just didn't taste as good with mashed taters and cranberry sauce.
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 21, 2012
CHEERS or JEERS to moving our money. The Fed is going to announce it's going to do something BIG today! Feel the Bernankementum…
One option would be an effort to drive long-term interest rates even lower to try to spur borrowing and spending. A more modest step would be for the Fed to stress its readiness to do more should the economy weaken further. Or the Fed might do or promise nothing further—not for now, anyway.
We'll be watching with…great interest! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!! That always slays 'em down at Smith Barney.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the thawing season. Summer arrived this morning at 5:14 ET. Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster, we can feel our toes up here again.
Two months (here, anyway—unlike our summer, yours may include September) of peace, tranquility, and boring news cycles. Right? Right? If only. But for Maine it does bring 60 glorious days of heat after months of shutting ourselves inside, closing all the windows and cranking the furnace up to 70. First item on our agenda as summer gets its solstice on: shutting ourselves inside, closing all the windows, and cranking the AC down to 70.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. In honor of his 90th birthday, here's film and TV composing legend Lalo Schifrin to play us out:
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This blog post will self-destruct in 5 seconds. Floor's open... What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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