Welcome to Nuts & Bolts, a guide to Democratic campaigns. I’ve helped upkeep this series for years, using information from campaign managers, finance directors, field directors, trainers, and staff, responding to questions from Daily Kos members, and addressing issues that are sent to me via kosmail through Daily Kos.
This week I’m taking on a tough subject. It is something that has a lot of disagreement and concludes with an unfortunate reality. When you decide to run for office, and when you are serving in office, you are going to face a lot of negative things being said about you, in the press, in mail pieces, and to your face. It can be very emotionally draining. While your followers and supporters don’t have to deal with it, you, as a candidate, are expected to toughen up to some extent and turn these moments around to your strength.
Don’t let the bastards grind you down
Sure, you may think of the phrase when you think The Handmaid’s Tale, or maybe the reference to several post-WWII songs. The key point is that it is very easy for someone who opposes your effort to work mental games on a campaign by making you feel under attack. Campaigns sometimes come under very personal, very direct attacks.
Did you bounce a check as a college student? Did you use marijuana? Ten years ago, did you divorce your spouse? Why did you have no kids? Why did you have too many kids? Do you have student loan debt?
In the more modern era, some candidates face even greater and more personal problems. Will an ex-boyfriend try to blackmail you with revenge porn? Did you have an abortion? How, exactly, can your opponent beat you up and demoralize you in order to distract you from working on the issues?
I hate to say this, but there is absolutely nothing your campaign can do to stop the other side from lying, using twists on the truth, or using deeply personal issues against your candidate. The only answer to this is to develop a bit of crocodile skin and steer into some of it. More people will relate to ownership. “Yes, I have student loan debt, and I’m not going to be ashamed to say I struggle with it; I will bet a lot of people in this room do too!” or “I’ve learned a lot of things since I was in my early twenties, and I hope others have, too. We are always growing.”
These kinds of attacks can be truly mentally taxing. On a site like Daily Kos, Community members would quickly work to ban users who behave in such a way by downvotes or hide rating their content. You don’t have that option in a campaign. The mail pieces and ads will keep coming. The only thing you can do is face it down.
Good things come from pain
We all work hard to avoid pain when we can. No one presses their fingers to a burning stove. We don’t go around chopping our toes off for entertainment. Absolutely no one puts an ice pick into their ear thinking it’ll be fun. Still, there are a lot of moments of great pain that bring about great moments in our lives. Running a marathon can make people feel incredible pain in their legs, sides, and lungs. Yet, running across that finish line is a joy. The first time you get kicked off of a horse can be painful; by the time you are riding it successfully, that relationship is enduring. Childbirth is most certainly a moment that is both painful and joyful.
These attacks on you in a campaign can be felt as intensely personal and painful. The more painful they are, the harder they are to endure. Toughening your skin up to attacks that you will face, knowing the joy that comes afterward can pierce through that skin is feel incredible makes it all worthwhile.
You cannot give in to your anger.
Don’t give yourself into an emotional outburst that will haunt you. It may seem almost superhuman, but the voters who hope to back you are looking for someone who can handle the taunts and the attacks and rise above it all. When you go on the attack, for the most part, it can hurt you.
There are exceptions to this rule. If the attack is not against you, personally, but against an issue or a regular citizen, your anger is just, and you will get a lot of praise for defending someone else. As an example, Beto O’Rourke can stand up and go on the attack because the attack alleged wasn’t against him, but against those who were mourning the loss of lives, children, and family members in Ulvade. That’s quite a bit different than a direct personal attack. Even in such cases, however, too much of our media will tell you to hold back on that kind of response.
The general rule of thumb is a psychological one. Don’t match someone’s anger with your own. It only spirals things. Listen. Wait. Respond in a calm way and pick their argument apart. Be better than they are, and show those around you that you aren’t flustered.
But, if I were someone looking at Beto, I would debate the response, and I’d also say that understanding you have a tough skin versus protecting the needs of those who are suffering around you are truly different things, and a hot response would seem absolutely appropriate.
Thoughts, Questions? Ask away in the comments!