Ever since Jared Kushner convinced Donald Trump to fire FBI Director James Comey—which was only marginally more difficult than convincing him to stick his tongue to a frozen flagpole—it’s been clear that Vanky’s fourth-favorite dildo is in it for himself.
But while Kushner argued at the time that Democrats would be happy if Trump fired Comey given his role in Hillary Clinton’s 2016 electoral defeat, he may have had an ulterior motive. As journalist Vicky Ward noted in her March 2019 book Kushner, Inc., the timing was suspicious, with the firing occurring “right around the time that the press had learned that he'd been meeting with [a] Russian banker and Russian diplomat, and he had failed to put any of this on his security clearance form.”
So is it so hard to believe that the dude who left the White House as much as $640 million richer, and who secured $2 billion in financing from Prince Bone Saws & Crew shortly after becoming a private citizen, may have ratted out his father-in-law and former boss?
That’s the speculation, anyway—and it seems that much more credible after Brittle Lord Fauntleroy himself, on Megyn Kelly’s podcast, said it’s “absolutely not true, categorically in every way.” Oh, so totally, 100% true, in other words? According to Insider:
Commentators like the former president's niece, Mary Trump, and Michael Cohen, his former attorney, both raised the possibility that the supposed informer could be Kushner.
Trump's former acting White House chief of staff Mick Mulvaney also said it would have had to be one of "six to eight people" in his inner circle, a grouping that would include Kushner.
A recent report by the Guardian said sources around Trump suspected it was a family member because FBI agents know exactly what to look for, including a specific leather case.
Okay, so that’s no surprise. If you stare deep into Kushner’s eyes, you won’t find a glimmer of a soul, but you may see an infinite regression of Jared Kushners arrayed like Russian nesting dolls, each dutifully fellating the next derpity-derp in line. Indeed, Kushner seems like the kind of guy who’s fiercely loyal right up to the point where it becomes mildly inconvenient for him. (His self-serving memoir should be evidence enough of his serial self-servitude.)
As for Mary Trump’s and Michael Cohen’s speculation that this raid has Kushner’s regal fingerprints all over it, Boy Kush was predictably dismissive: “The more outlandish of an accusation you make, especially if it includes me, the media will write about it and create headlines,” he said. “Mary and Michael figured it out.”
Of course, while Kushner’s almost preternatural lack of charisma certainly doesn’t dissuade journalists from writing about him—I mean, the guy would be almost impossible not to push into a locker; I think that actually may be one of Newton’s lesser-known laws of motion—the fact that he allegedly decided it was okay to sacrifice blue state voters to COVID-19 because they don’t support Trump could be motivating as well. (For the record, as someone who had his books spilled almost daily during high school, I do not endorse shoving anyone into a locker. Unless they’re forced into said fate by a federal judge hewing strictly to standard sentencing guidelines and broadly accepted constitutional norms.)
Now, if Kushner is the rat, he’s not tipping his hand. He’s just as outraged as the rest of MAGA that the government would retrieve 300 highly sensitive classified documents from his father-in-law’s basement after subpoenaing them and repeatedly asking for their return. “It just seems like they keep trying to find new things to get [Trump] on, and I'm sure if this one doesn't work they'll try to fine him for jaywalking, or a traffic ticket, but they're being very aggressive to do it,” said Kushner.
Well, if Trump gets a speeding ticket while driving to the Saudi embassy with a trunkful of enriched uranium and Robert Oppenheimer’s notebooks, Kushner might actually be right for once. But this whole mess seems just a bit more serious than a traffic ticket.
Then again, given Tuesday night’s election results—particularly the surprise Democratic win in New York’s District 19—it’s starting to look like MAGA may just die at the altar of Roe v. Wade. But it’s weird to think that Trump’s political career might ultimately be undone by abortion—and not one he secretly paid for.
Of course, it probably doesn’t matter whether Kushner actually ratted out his father-in-lawlessness. It’s enough that Trump thinks he might have. That should be enough to open up an unbridgeable chasm between these two upper-class twits.
Grab some popcorn. And if you happen to have $2 billion in Saudi blood money squirreled away in your basement, buy popcorn futures. This could get weird.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.