If you stare into Rep. Lauren Boebert’s eyes long enough, you’ll be inexorably drawn into an inky black abyss of primal emptiness—a pitiless void in which no light, linear thought, or glimmer of hope can find purchase. And if you stare even longer, you’ll see a meth den that used to be a Pizza Hut.
That was never more evident than on Saturday night when Boebert “debated” her Democratic opponent for Congress, Adam Frisch.
And—hoo boy—the proceedings got off to a roaring start! Right at the top, Boebert accused the debate moderator, Edie Sonn of the Colorado Behavioral Healthcare Council, of secretly being against her. Because that’s what adults do—especially when they’re running for high office.
Watch:
BOEBERT: “Before I agree to the rules I do have one request for you. Edie, can you please disclose to the audience that you publicly supported my 2020 Democrat candidate, Diane Mitsch Bush, and can you please disclose any other roles that you have had with Democrat candidates in the past?”
SONN: “I actually do not recall giving any money to Diane Mitsch Bush.”
BOEBERT: “Not money, just support.”
SONN: “Come again?”
BOEBERT: “So I believe that this is relevant because when I was invited, when I received the invitation to the Club 20 debate, Club 20, CMU, and The Daily Sentinel said that they want to provide a nonpartisan forum tonight. Now, isn’t it true that you tweeted during the 2020 election, ‘Rep. Mitsch Bush, I’ve always been a supporter of yours’?”
SONN: “And the other part of that tweet said that I took issue with something she had said relative to her position on [crosstalk]. You know what, this debate is not about me, Congresswoman Boebert.”
BOEBERT: “I believe it is relevant because I think that it’s fair to everyone here to understand that Club 20 knowingly chose you to moderate this [debate]. [boos] I don’t think it’s fair to the audience or to you.”
SONN: “Congresswoman Boebert, this is not about me tonight, this is about you and your opponent. I am here to be the traffic cop while these panelists ask questions, and I respectfully ask that you agree to the terms of this debate. If you will not do so, then we can close things down right now.”
BOEBERT: “Edie, I do agree to the rules of the debate and I am glad that everyone is aware that Club 20 has not chosen a nonpartisan moderator. Thank you.”
Okay, well that was special. But she was just getting started. You see, she’s not just eternally persecuted, she’s also deeply—almost unfathomably—ignorant!
FRISCH: “Okay, um, I’m Adam Frisch, I’m not Nancy Pelosi. Do you think we should repeal the 19th Amendment?”
BOEBERT: “Excuse me?”
FRISCH: “Do you think we should repeal the 19th Amendment of the United States Constitution?”
BOEBERT: “No.”
FRISCH: “Should there be an exception for rape, incest, or the life of the mother when it comes to women’s health care?”
BOEBERT: “Is that in relation to the 19th Amendment, or are we just going on?”
Oh, my. Of course, the 19th Amendment gave women the right to vote, not to be gormless twits or to drunkenly tote AR-15s into White Castle at 3 AM on a Wednesday. Which is why Boebert presumably doesn’t know which amendment Frisch is talking about.
But while Lauren appears to be ignorant of the finer points of history and American governance, she does know who the current speaker of the House is. And she wants to be sure to remind us. As frequently as possible. Because just mentioning Nancy Pelosi rouses her benighted Borg army like nothing else:
Whoo, that was fun, huh?
Sadly, Boebert’s congressional district is so red (with deep and abiding embarrassment, I hope) she’s almost certain to win another term. But hey, maybe she can repulse enough people in other districts to move the needle for Democrats in tighter races. Or maybe a miracle will happen. Because whether Boebert realizes it or not, women now have an inalienable right to vote. And because of that, I feel a cold Roevember chill seeping into a lot of GOP campaigns.
Now go do that voodoo that you do so well. And turn up the A/C, because it’s not nearly cold enough yet.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
