Remember the time Donald Trump chided hurricane-weary Puerto Ricans about the devastating storm that had recently thrown “our budget a little out of whack”? Or the time he blamed Californians for losing their homes to wildfires, while at the same time threatening to withhold funds from the state that contributes more to our federal coffers than any other? Or the time he told four duly elected blue-state congresswomen of color that they should “go back” to “the crime-infested places from which they came”? How about that time he lied to the American people about the election he’d lost, thereby ensuring we’d face a long, weary slog through hectares of unhappy horseshit before we could even think about uniting the country again?
I sure do! Republicans, though? They fondly recall only those halcyon days—before Joe Biden ruined everything—when Americans of every race, creed, and color stood on verdant hillsides, hand-in-hand, singing eternal hosannas to their beloved benevolent suzerain, Donald Trump.
And now they’re up in arms because our current president pointed out that undermining democracy and the rule of law in order to prop up the purpling corpse of a cult of personality is maybe not such a great idea.
Whatever you think of President Biden’s Thursday night speech calling out MAGA over its threats to our republic, one thing that’s surely difficult to swallow is the criticism it received from MAGA Republicans, who’ve been telling us to fuck our feelings for something like seven years now.
First up, Tickle Me Nosferatu:
Hmm, I didn’t hear any attack on “America.” I did hear an attack on people who are denying legitimate election results, fanboying racist proto-fascists like Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán, and unconditionally supporting a former president who wants to pardon and apologize to literal insurrectionists and traitors. You know, people like Fiddle Drawers Rudy G.
Next in line, Fistpump McRunpants:
Nice screen grab there, Joshie. Though I’m sure I could round up about 10,000 far more menacing photos of Trump simply by Googling “feral orange weirdo” + “annual White House egg roll.” Seriously, I could scour the Getty photo archives for a fortnight and be hard-pressed to find a single photo of Trump where it doesn’t look like he’s fixing to unhinge his jaw and swallow Jim Acosta. And what exactly was “erratic” about Biden’s speech? Did he say windmills cause cancer, claim disinfectant is a panacea for COVID-19, or endlessly brag about passing a dementia test? Because that would truly be worrying.
And, of course, Leningrad Lindsey had to get his licks in:
While it’s easy to criticize Lindsey, he does make a good point about out-of-control crime. Imagine the message criminals are getting these days. It’s almost as if a former president stole highly classified documents and stored them in a desk drawer with his Eva Braun bobblehead and a tin of linty Altoids, knowing he could count on at least a third of the country to look the other way. Imagine the message that would send—if it weren’t all just a ploy to make Republicans look bad.
Next up, the amoral sack of moldering Fiddle Faddle, affectionately known as The Zodiac:
I see Ted picked out the same photo of Our Illustrious Overlord Dark Brandon as Hawley did. Though, to be frank, it kind of makes Biden look badass. Might be kind of hard to go back to painting him as a doddering Mr. Green Jeans who putters around his garden shed vainly searching for the stash of Werther’s Originals he hides from Jill, but I’m sure they’ll try.
Of course, none of these esteemed Republicans dared address the crux of Biden’s speech—namely, that their own actions are undermining democracy and the rule of law. That’s a case that Biden—and historians—have forcefully and credibly made for some time now.
But as an apparent sop to these willfully ignorant MAGA mites, Biden helped out his benighted former Senate colleagues with a short summary of his remarks after Fox News asked him about his view of Trump supporters.
For the nontweeters:
Q: “Do you consider all Trump supporters to be a threat to the country?”
Biden: “I did not make that case. I don't consider any Trump supporter a threat to the country. I do think anyone who calls for the use of violence, fails to condemn violence, refuses to acknowledge when an election has been won, insists upon changing the way in which the rules you count votes—that is a threat to democracy … and everything we stand for. Everything we stand [for] rests on the platform of democracy. When people voted for Donald Trump and support him now, they weren’t voting for attacking the Capitol. They weren’t voting for overruling the election. They were voting for the philosophy he put forward. So I am not talking about anything other than it is inappropriate and is not only happening here, but other parts of the world, where there’s a failure to recognize and condemn violence whenever it’s used for political purposes. Failure to condemn the attempt to manipulate electoral outcomes, failure to acknowledge when elections were won or lost.”
Oh, my God! The hate! It burns!
Now, contrast that scathing attack on Trump’s American patriots with this soothing cuppa Kenny G:
Transcript!
TRUMP: “But they want to have open borders. They want to have sanctuary cities. The radical Democrats have never been more extreme than they are right now. They are stone-cold crazy. … They’re bad politicians and they have horrible policies, but what they do, they stick together and they’re vicious. They’re vicious, horrible people. I didn’t used to say that. They’re horrible people. What they do to people is a disgrace, but they stick together.”
Wait, I’m a Democrat. Does that make me a vicious, horrible person? Apparently so. What say you, Don Jr.?
Sadly, we don’t have to imagine it. We fucking lived it, son.
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