Accomplished. Heroic. Beloved. Whoever He is.
Via The Daily Show, the congressman from Long Island gets lovins’ from back home:
I should thank him, too. Because of his trailblazing campaign, I’m thinking of running for Congress in Maine’s 1st District. Now I’m just trying to figure out if I should run as General Joshua Chamberlain, Stephen King, or Margaret Chase Smith.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, January 26, 2023
Note: A quick heads-up that C&J will be nothing but a figment of your imagination on Monday. Back Tuesday with the kiddie pool totally rewired for stereo. Gonna be great. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Carrot Cake Day: 8
Days 'til the 20th annual Gourd Festival in Casa Grande, Arizona: 8
Number of states with unemployment rates below 4%: 38
Size of the national sales tax House MAGA members want to impose on the American people: 30%
New minimum wage announced by Walmart, up from the current $12/hr.: $14/hr.
Oscar nominations for Everything Everywhere All At Once, the most of any 2022 movie: 11
Number of times composer John Williams has been nominated for an Oscar (with 5 wins), the first in 1968 for scoring Valley of the Dolls and the latest for scoring The Fabelmans: 53
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Over at attorney general, we find Greg Abbott—a guy opposed to abortion even in cases of rape, incest and to save the life of the mother.
The former state supreme court justice is also the author of a notable opinion saying it is legal to fire an employee injured on the job for seeking legal redress for his injuries if the employer does not subscribe to workers' comp.
Not only a friend of women, but of the workingman, as well! How can you not love Texas politics? You pick up the paper in the morning and it's kind of like finding Fidel Castro in the refrigerator
—January, 2003
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Sliding home…
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JEERS to God's little thief. This is tyranny. This is heresy. This is blasphemy. This is baloney. But most of all…this is grand larceny. And the culprit is a hypocritical Republican wolf in double-starched sheep's clothing who has brought shame and dishonor on a party already dripping with both. Prepare to be shocked, shocked...
Classified documents have been found in the home of former Vice President Mike Pence and turned over to the FBI for review, multiple sources familiar with the matter tell ABC News.
A lawyer for Pence conducted the search of Pence's home in Indiana last week and found around a dozen documents marked as classified, sources said. … The Pence documents are undergoing a review by the Department of Justice's National Security Division and the FBI, the sources said.
The top-secret documents, which could lead to the destruction of the planet if they were to fall into the wrong hands, were allegedly discovered in Pence’s garage under the 12-pound bible he keeps on the dashboard of his Studebaker. Pence's wife, Mother Pence, assures us no further disciplinary action is needed, as she already punished him by denying him his favorite pulse-pounding Saturday night activity: watching the paint dry on a wall. Harsh, but fair.
CHEERS to sending in the big guns. The thing you have to know about tanks is this: The United States' Abrams and Germany's Leopards can do to Russia's military hardware what a pit bull can do to a sofa cushion. Which leads us to this week's big development in Putin's terrorist attack on Ukraine: the big dogs are finally being unleashed…
The German government said Wednesday it would quickly provide 14 Leopard 2 tanks as a "first step" and would allow other European nations to send their own Leopard tanks soon.
The training of Ukrainian soldiers in using them will begin quickly, Germany said, alongside the provision of maintenance and ammunition. […]
The news comes after U.S. officials told NBC News on Tuesday that President Joe Biden was preparing to send dozens of American Abrams tanks to Ukraine, in a reversal. […]
President Volodymyr Zelenskyy led Ukrainian officials in celebrating the announcement and thanking Scholz for what he called an "important & timely" move.
One day in the near future, when Russia is little more than a smoldering and desolate former empire, we'll look back on this moment and say: "Tanks for the memories."
JEERS to the cringe heard around the world. On January 26, 1998, President Clinton spoke the immortal words: "I want to say one thing to the American people: I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." He was, of course, lying like a bearskin rug on which one might have sexual relations. But in fairness, Ken Starr's investigation clearly showed that the Oval Office blow jobs were official business. Clinton was just practicing for his upcoming budget negotiations with Congress.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to old soldiers. Today is General Douglas MacArthur's 143rd birthday. After destroying the Japanese forces during World War II, he gained their respect as Military Governor of Japan, but then he became too much of a loose cannon over Korea and got fired by President Truman. Afterward...
There was an unsuccessful attempt by Republicans to have him run for President in 1952, but he deferred, and the nomination went to General of the Army Dwight D. Eisenhower.
After retirement, he became Chairman of the Board for the Remington Rand Corporation, and spent his remaining years in NYC, speaking out on public issues.
His final address, in January 1962, to the graduating class at West Point is considered one of his finest speeches.
Pay your respects here. In his farewell address to Congress, MacArthur said that old soldiers never die, they just fade away. Thanks to the size of his ego, he'll finish fading sometime during the next ice age.
CHEERS to a fortunate lack of self-awareness. Now I'm starting to wonder if she's not a secret Democratic plant:
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Ga., is angling to be Donald Trump's running mate in 2024, according to two people who have spoken to the firebrand second-term congresswoman about her ambitions.
Repeating our top story: Marjorie Taylor Greene is angling to hand Joe Biden a landslide victory in 2024. Confetti and balloons at 11.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 26, 2013
JEERS to "continuing to get nothing done…but faster." That's how Rachel Maddow described the Senate's (non)-filibuster reform yesterday. Even Sherrod Brown admitted to her that the "votes were never there"…even though we'd been told categorically that the 51 votes needed to make significant---and necessary to the function of our republic---changes were there. Plus this:
Harry Reid 2010: "This has to change. It's wrong what they're doing, because it's never happened before. ... The Republicans, just this time, have abused the system, and it's going to have to change. We'll have to look at ways to change that, because there should not be 60 votes in the Senate.
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Harry Reid Yesterday: "I'm not personally, at this stage, ready to get rid of the 60-vote threshold."
No way to sugar-coat it: this is a flat-out betrayal of pre-January 24 Harry Reid by January 24 Harry Reid. To sum up: The House is in Republican hands. The Senate is in Republican obstructionist hands. And I hope President Obama plans to play a lot of golf during his second term, because he's gonna have plenty of time for it. [1/26/23 Update: Yet another decade passes without change. Join us for our next checkup in 2033. But don’t hold your breath.]
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the land down under. Hit it…
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Happy Australia Day 2023. But if you come near me with anything resembling vegemite, I'm calling in a drone to drop a loogie on your opera house.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Booby Magazines Discovered in Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool. Haha JK It Was Classified Documents
—Wonkette
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