Senator Tommy Tuberville continued his embargo on Military promotions today by placing an indefinite hold on Cap’n Crunch in the Senate Dining room. Citing a long association between the Cap’n and people who recently became “woke,” Tuberville brushed off concerns about politicising the most important meal of the day.
Democrats in the Senate point out that without access to niacin, thiamin, and riboflavin, Senators would suffer potential mental deficits, and cite Senator Tuberville as an example of what a malnourished brain looks like.
Meanwhile, House Republicans continue their search for their own asses, but are hampered by their determination to use only one hand.