The primary—and only, really—goal of former New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie’s presidential campaign should be to enfeeble Donald Trump, who is now so openly fascist he may soon start wearing his Mussolini Underoos on the outside of his pants. Otherwise, Christie’s just another lying blowhard doing lying blowhard things. Of course, at one point, it did appear that stopping Trump was the only reason Christie was running. After all, he couldn’t be trying to win, could he? Amazon sells more smallpox blankets than copies of his book.
But while Christie has rightly called out Trump over his brazen election lies, he’s cribbing straight from the big bleating meatloaf when it comes to abortion. Christie didn’t have a whole lot to say during Wednesday night’s GOP presidential debate, but he was a bubbling fount of nonsense while discussing abortion Thursday morning with Mika Brzezinski on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.”
Brzezinski wanted to clarify Christie’s remarks on so-called “late-term” abortions, and Christie felt compelled to miss the forest for the trees. And maybe he can be forgiven for that because, in this case anyway, there are no fucking trees. But there’s still a lot of scaremongering on the issue, which has been true since Republicans started using abortion as an electoral cudgel in the wake of Roe v. Wade.
Watch:
Transcript!
MIKA BRZEZINSKI: “So I just think, of all the candidates, you’ve been the most honest about Trump and election integrity, but in this one respect I have to call you out because you’re not being honest on the issue. We can debate abortion, but there isn’t abortion in the ninth month.”
CHRIS CHRISTIE: “Mika, you’re the one who’s not being honest. I did not say there was abortion in the ninth month. What I said was that the law in New Jersey and New York and Illinois and California permits it, and you can’t deny that that’s the truth, because it is, and so, look …”
BRZEZINSKI: “It doesn’t happen, Chris.”
CHRISTIE: “So don’t call somebody a liar …”
BRZEZINSKI: “I’m not calling you a liar. It’s not honest.”
CHRISTIE: “By the way … no, no, no, Mika, nor did I say it did. The law permits it.”
BRZEZINSKI: “That’s not an honest discussion about the issue.”
CHRISTIE: “Well, let’s have an honest discussion about the issue.”
BRZEZINSKI: ”But it doesn’t happen!”
CHRISTIE: “Why don’t you answer my question? Does the law permit it in those states? Well, that’s all I said, so I don’t understand what your problem is with that. In the end, if that’s what the law permits, that’s what the people who passed those laws said is okay, is legally permissible. That’s the point I’m making.”
BRZEZINSKI: “Because, Chris, you’re painting a picture about the issue of abortion that is not honest, and this is a health issue for women. And there are women who are in extreme situations who need health care and they should get it. We can debate that, but there are not women in the state of New Jersey trouncing into doctor’s offices asking for abortions in the ninth month. It doesn’t happen.”
CHRISTIE: “And by the way, you can continue to set up that straw man for yourself to knock it down, because you’re mischaracterizing what I say. I am giving you the state of the law, and the state of the law in those states are that you could go into a doctor’s office and do it, and that’s all I said. But look, this is something that you want to emphasize. I get it. I understand the politics of it, and that’s fine. But it’s not going to change my analysis as a lawyer and as a political leader.”
We’re pausing here to let you truly soak in that “straw man” comment. A male Republican is accusing a woman with literally decades of uterus experience of using a straw man argument when it comes to the issue of purported “late-term” abortions. He’s gone from putting irony in a headlock and giving it a few Marty McFly noogies to curb-stomping it to death in the parking lot of a fake crisis pregnancy center that used to be a Pizza Hut. Really, dude? A straw man? You’re really going there? Have you focus-grouped this talking point with actual women?
BRZEZINSKI: “But no, it’s not politics, it’s really personal actually for women. And you’re the one who’s going to lose on this issue if you’re not honest about it. I mean, listen, you can go ahead and do that if you want, but ...”
CHRISTIE: “Mika, point out to me where I wasn’t honest. I said what the state of the law is. Now, you want to deny that because you know it’s miserably unpopular for the state of the law to be in that position. But that’s what the state of the law is. Now, you can argue about how many people are going to take advantage of it or not. I think it’s wrong for anybody to be able to take advantage of an abortion in the ninth month of pregnancy, and I think it’s wrong for the law to be there. But these are the kind of debates I would love to have on the stage with Donald Trump and others, and if your viewers this morning go to ChrisChristie.com and donate a dollar, I’ll be on the stage again in December in Alabama, and then maybe we can even get you up there and we can debate the state of the law on this issue, but don’t mess with me on the law, Mika. I know that.”
BRZEZINSKI: “Yeah, don’t mess with me on how women feel about using the ninth month argument on the issue of abortion. We can disagree.”
Of course, the law technically allows us to do lots things no one would ever do. It would literally make more sense to pass a law barring Fabio from riding roller coasters because of the one time he killed a goose with his face. At least that law would address a real-world concern.
Then again, what Brzezinski is saying here is just common sense. Who’s going to stroll into a clinic at the tail end of their pregnancy and ask for an elective abortion because they’ve suddenly changed their mind about having kids? No one, that’s who. It’s not a thing. Why would it be?
But because abortion has become such a toxic issue for forced-birther Republicans, all they’re left with are bonkers lies. This lie, of course, has long been popularized by Trump, whose fibs about the election are a bridge too far for Christie, but whose lies about reproductive freedom are barely distinguishable from his own.
RELATED STORY: Republicans have never been this panicked over their abortion debacle—never
But hey, don't take my word for it. In October 2016, as Trump was fixing to vaporize Roe v. Wade, Dr. Jen Gunter, an OB-GYN writing for Vox, called out his meretricious bunk about so-called “late-term” abortions—fantasy procedures wherein, according to Trump, doctors “rip the baby out of the womb in the ninth month, on the final day.”
Yeah, uh, that’s not a thing.
I’m a doctor who was trained to do late-term abortions. I did them for five years in residency and for 10 years in practice and I have no idea what Trump is talking about. I have even practiced in states with no gestational age limit for abortions. So while I no longer perform abortions, I know much more about this subject than Donald Trump or any of his advisers can ever hope to know.
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The only type of abortion that does happen after 24 weeks is for fetal anomalies. Most abortions for fetal anomalies happen before 24 weeks, but a very small percentage happen later than that. The abortions that take place later do so because it takes time to do the ultrasounds and genetic testing. Sometimes a fetal MRI may even be needed.
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I’ve counseled women about later term abortions. I’ve met with them, listened to their heartbreak, and used every ounce of my being to hold back my tears. I’ve comforted women and their partners sobbing about the fact their baby has no brain or can never breathe as their lungs have not developed. I’ve helped women figure out how to get the body of what had been a wanted pregnancy back home for burial. I’ve cared for women ravaged with infection at 22 or 23 weeks and sat worried by their bedside in the intensive care unit hoping that I did the abortion in time to save their life.
So, sure, we could put further restrictions on abortions, but all that would do is handcuff doctors who are simply trying to do what’s best for their grieving patients—patients who wanted to carry their fetuses to term but were ultimately stymied by God’s mysterious plan for them. Forcing would-be parents to be extra-traumatized—while saving exactly zero lives in the process—is about as cruel and pointless as it gets.
In other words, it’s the perfect platform plank for today’s Republican Party.
But, whatever. It’s looking more and more like Trump will be the GOP nominee in 2024. That means the Republican standard-bearer for the foreseeable future will be a pig-ignorant oaf who continually brags about overturning Roe and makes up outlandish abortion lies that are deeply offensive to the vast majority of women. Good luck with that, Republicans.
RELATED STORY: Fox News looks for abortion compromise because what’s ‘most important’ is ‘Republicans taking over'
Meanwhile, as viable presidential candidates go, Christie is a bit like finding a mouse in your Fresca. It turns your stomach and all you want to do is look away, but hey, it’s also your big chance to sue the Fresca people. Then again, if you can’t sue Fresca—i.e, if Trump is on a glide path to the nomination anyway—what, really, is the point of Chris Christie?
Clearly, no one knows. Not even the former governor himself, apparently.
Check out Aldous J. Pennyfarthing’s four-volume Trump-trashing compendium, including the finale, Goodbye, Asshat: 101 Farewell Letters to Donald Trump, at this link. Or, if you prefer a test drive, you can download the epilogue to Goodbye, Asshat for the low, low price of FREE.
