I had a long festive lunch with an old friend on Monday. We sat outside the cafe in the sun. It had been some time since we met at this particular restaurant and watching the people around us was for the most part quite interesting. Years ago, I would have recognized at least a handful of people having lunch there or walking through the plaza. Monday everyone was a stranger.
My friend wrote me an email last night, saying “I so appreciate your friendship and your presence, during these difficult times the whole world is experiencing. I love that you let me ramble and wander and chatter away. I hope you enjoy the break from reality, also. It's a gift.” The email made think about the gift of conversation and realize wonder if perhaps my own communication skills needed a tune-up.
It’s not that I didn’t contribute anything to Monday’s conversation. I shared about my yoga classes, my writing, my holiday plans. She asked about my daughter, whom she’s known for over 30 years. But for the most part, it was her chatting. Perhaps she has cultivated the art of conversation?
Psychology Today notes:
Conversation is a lot like art. It is one of those uniquely human experiences that distills so much complexity and exhibits such infinite variety that it verges on the indefinable. Unlike art, however, conversation is not a virtuoso endeavor. It is not only inherently an ensemble enterprise, it’s also how we share what we know, date and mate, and find security. Conversation has extraordinary powers to excite, our neurons being so sensitive to face-to-face engagement that they rapidly activate reward systems in our brains. Yet surveys show that it’s losing ground to texting and other asynchronous forms of communication that, at best, provide some pale illusion of satisfaction.
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“Having a good chat is one of daily life’s most rewarding experiences, and yet people are often hesitant to set aside significant amounts of time for conversation because they are concerned that they will run out of things to talk about and that their conversation will grow dull or awkward,” says Michael Kardas of Northwestern University.
My Generative AI tool on Google about having meaningful conversations and it came up with the following tips:
- Be authentic: Be genuine with yourself and think about the other person.
- Be an active listener: Listen closely to what the other person is saying and ask questions.
- Ask open-ended questions: Asking open-ended questions can help you learn more about the other person's perspectives and experiences.
Avoid closed-ended questions like "yes" or "no".
- Make the conversation personal: Start with a friendly greeting and make eye contact. Smile and use small talk to share more about yourself.
- Avoid controversial topics: Create a safe space for communication.
- Have an intention: Consider finding mutual interests and similarities.
- Ask for recommendations: People like sharing their opinion and feeling like their thoughts are valued
In other news from the days of my life, went to yoga this morning, followed by getting my nails done and lunch with another friend at a nearby restaurant. Decked out for Christmas. We had our usual, protein smoothies and oatmeal and talked about how we never have problems finding things to talk about. When I got home, the huge box from the National Tree Company was on my front porch. I decided this year to get an artificial Christmas tree. It’s 7 feet tall with white lights. The kids are coming over on Sunday to decorate. A friend is stopping by tomorrow to help me unpackage it.
Yoga today was just fabulous. I’ve gone to yoga every day except last Sunday. I’m feeling expansive. More flexible. Less stressed. More hopeful.
What’s going on in your lives, Kibitzers?
Kitchen Table Kibitzing is a community series for those who wish to share a virtual kitchen table with other readers of Daily Kos who aren’t throwing pies at one another. Drop by to talk about music, your weather, your garden, or what you cooked for supper…. Newcomers may notice that many who post in this series already know one another to some degree, but we welcome guests at our kitchen table and hope to make some new friends as well.