Oh, what fun it is to see Donald Trump rage against the machine. And, for once, it’s not because his last quarter rolled underneath it, and he no longer has enough for the jumbo bag of Funyuns. In case you missed it, Trump has been indicted for his role in a hush-money scheme to silence a porn star who slept with him for just $130,000—a sum that still can't come close to covering her therapy bills. (She can’t even do psychedelic mushroom therapy because mushrooms are now horribly traumatizing for her.)
Predictably, Republican politicians from sea to shining sea are overcome with the vapors. Sen. Lindsey Graham—who’s roughly 10 years away from jumping on top of Trump's casket at his burial like a grieving spouse before desperately clutching onto it like Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear—pleaded with Sean Hannity’s viewers on Thursday night to give Trump more money. “But you need to help this man, Donald J. Trump,” Graham squeaked. “They’re trying to drain him dry. He spent more money on lawyers than most people spend on campaigns. They’re trying to bleed him dry.”
Hey, remember back in 2015 when Trump said he didn’t need any donors because he was filthy rich and could easily self-fund his entire campaign? That was a fun summer.
Conspicuously absent in the wake of this announcement, however, is a Jan. 6-style groundswell of support from the MAGA rank-and-file. Oh, they’re no doubt angry and disappointed, but so far, they appear more interested in storming their beer coolers than the hallowed halls of Congress.
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Take, for instance, this account from a Washington Post story on the early fallout from the indictment:
The causeway that leads to Mar-a-Lago has long been a rally spot for Trump supporters, especially during his presidency, when they would regularly gather to cheer on his motorcade.
But as the sun set along the causeway Thursday, more people were fishing for sand perch and croaker than had shown up to the support the former president. Shortly before 8 p.m., only a half dozen Trump supporters had amassed in their usual spot.
Meanwhile, here was the scene outside the Manhattan DA’s office following the news of Trump’s indictment:
For the nontweeters:
UPDATE: I’m back at the Manhattan DA’s office the morning after Trump’s indictment. There’s still no sight of protesters or Trump supporters. It is just me, police, the media, & a few pedestrians. Not quite the crowd size Donald Trump was hoping for probably.
And here was the scene yesterday as the shit was going down:
And if that’s too unexciting for you, here are 10 hours of cricket noises:
I’ve encountered these muted reactions personally, too. One eight-person text thread I’m a part of—which for some reason includes a Trumpy—was revealing. The best our resident Trump fan could manage in the wake of this news was “hush money payments are not illegal” and “it’s time for new candidates in both parties. These old geezers need to move on.” Okay, sure. But speak for yourself. Joe Biden may be getting on in years, but he remains conspicuously—checks notes—unindicted.
Regardless, “hush money payments are not illegal” is a far cry from “four more years!” Is Trump finally starting to lose control of his Borg hive?
Judging by the “protests” that followed his Mar. 18 call to arms—during which he incorrectly predicted he’d be arrested last Tuesday—the answer is yes. It really does look that way.
The Associated Press, via PBS:
Former President Donald Trump’s calls for protests ahead of his anticipated indictment in New York have generated mostly muted reactions from supporters, with even some of his most ardent loyalists dismissing the idea as a waste of time or a law enforcement trap.
The ambivalence raises questions about whether Trump, though a leading Republican contender in the 2024 presidential race who retains a devoted following, still has the power to mobilize far-right supporters the way he did more than two years ago before the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. It also suggests that the hundreds of arrests that followed the Capitol riot, not to mention the convictions and long prison sentences, may have dampened the desire for repeat mass unrest.
And that muted response came after Trump took to Goof Social to urgently call for protests. He used all-caps and everything:
“IT’S TIME!!! WE JUST CAN’T ALLOW THIS ANYMORE. THEY’RE KILLING OUR NATION AS WE SIT BACK & WATCH. WE MUST SAVE AMERICA! PROTEST, PROTEST, PROTEST!!!”
Oh, I see his mistake. He’s still using three exclamation points. MAGA will now only respond to five exclamation points or more. Still, it’s sad that so many Trump fans are willing to just sit back and watch America die. I was under the impression that they were the biggest patriots ever.
Of course, it’s still possible that these huge, organic protests will begin to materialize—but so far, bupkis. His window for overthrowing the U.S. government looks to have closed, and even the Proud Boys appear to have lost the appetite for forcing it open and crawling through it with bear spray and zip-ties.
Next up for America: A prison dunking booth, starring an ex-POTUS being repeatedly plunged into a surging pool of his own flop sweat. Let’s just say a buck a throw. We’ll pay off that national debt in no time.
Trump reportedly caught off guard by news of indictments
Joe Biden really, really isn't going to comment on Donald Trump's indictment
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