It Could be Worse!
We could be on Venus. Over to you, NASA...
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Have a sunshine day.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, July 27, 2023
Note: Today is Take Your Houseplants For A Walk Day. For maximum enjoyment, we recommend you first celebrate Smoke Your Special Homegrown Houseplant That Sits Under The Purple Grow Light Day before you leave the house. And don’t forget to hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til President Biden visits Auburn, Maine to promote the economy and the rise in U.S. manufacturing: 1
Days 'til the Pear Fair in Courtland, California: 3
Ocean water temperature recorded in Manatee Bay, Florida Monday: 101 F
Number of search warrants and affidavits filed in connection with the federal case involving former president Trump's mishandling of classified documents: 8
Portion of tenured miners in central Appalachia who suffer from black lung disease: 1-in-5
Percent chance that Millennial voters are not following the usual pattern of becoming more conservative as they get older, according to a Financial Times analysis: 100%
Percent chance that Keith Richards sang for Queen Elizabeth II as part of a boys choir in the 1950s: 100%
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Tom Friedman, columnist for The New York Times, recently wrote that “liberals” no longer want to talk about the war because we were against it to start with and probably hope it ends in disaster. Jesus God Almighty, who does he think we are?
Does this man who has a column for The New York Times, one of the most prestigious jobs in American journalism, actually think we are out here cheering every time another American is killed? Mr. Friedman, real, actual, honest-to-God American liberals are out here in the heartland and we know the kids who are dying in Iraq. They are from our hometowns. We know their parents. That’s why we hate this war. That’s why we tried to tell everybody else it was a ghastly idea. We are not sitting here gloating because it is the horrible FUBAR we said it would be. We are in agony because it is as bad as we said it would be. Cassandra took no joy in the fall of Troy.
I have said from the beginning that if this thing worked out the way Rumsfeld and Wolfowitz and Cheney all said it would, I would be perfectly happy to get down on my knees and kiss George Bush’s feet. I do literally mean that.
—July 2005
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Dreamus interruptus…
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CHEERS to Christmas in July. Team Biden has been working mighty hard to right the economy and get America moving again after the disastrous Previous Guy years. And despite being a country with one of the largest populations of whiners on the planet, We The People have decided we can no longer deny it—Joe has made life better in these United States:
A key measurement of consumer confidence just shot up to a level not seen since July2021.
The Conference Board’s monthly Consumer Confidence Index hit 117 in July, rising from 110.1the month before, according to new data released Tuesday. The index increased for the third consecutive month, bounding even higher after a sharp swing upward in June. Economists were expecting the index to climb to 111.8,according to consensus estimates on Refinitiv.
A strong labor market and cooling inflation are helping to keep Americans upbeat about both the current and near-term prospects of the economy, according to the report. Said Dana Peterson, chief economist at the Conference Board, in a statement Tuesday: “Greater confidence was evident across all age groups, and among consumers earning incomes less than $50,000 and those making more than$100,000."
Democrats hailed the news as proof that Joe's anti-trickle-down policies are working. Republicans called for the immediate impeachment of consumer confidence.
CHEERS to keeping the wheels of commerce a' turning. Speaking of happy people, here's reason to breathe a big sigh of relief this morning: the looming strike by UPS employees has been averted, thanks to some quiet diplomacy by President Biden, but mostly by the brains and brawn of the Teamsters union, which extracted well-earned benefit upgrades for over 340,000 employees:
“UPS has put $30 billion in new money on the table as a direct result of these negotiations,” Teamsters President Sean O’Brien said in a statement Tuesday. “This contract sets a new standard in the labor movement and raises the bar for all workers.” […]
Under the new deal, 22.4 drivers would be reclassified as regular drivers and have their pay adjusted accordingly. UPS would also be prevented from requiring drivers to work overtime on their scheduled days off.
The five-year contract deal also includes what the union called “historic” wage increases. Current full- and part-time union workers are guaranteed a $2.75 hourly pay increase this year, the Teamsters said, amounting to a $7.50 hourly increase through the duration of the contract.
Pay for existing and starting part-time workers—which UPS and Teamsters leaders described as the last hurdle for a contract—would be raised to at least $21 per hour immediately, advancing to $23 per hour.
Sadly, my suggestion to change their normal arrival-alerting horn "toot-toot" to "La Cucaracha" was tabled until the next contract negotiations. Killjoys.
CHEERS to the end of the end. It was all over for Tricky Dick 49 years ago today, thanks to a 27-11 vote by the House Judiciary Committee to adopt the first of three articles of impeachment against President Nixon who, said ABC News's Tom Jarrell at the time, was "presumably still in his swim trunks" while on vacation in California when he heard the news. Meanwhile, then-VP Gerald Ford just couldn’t help but play a little game of up-is-downism:
Ford: It's interesting that every Democrat on the committee—north and south—voted for the article. ... It tends to make it a partisan issue.
Reporter: Even if one-third of Republicans voted for it?
Ford: Well, the fact that every one of the Democrats voted for it, I think, uh, lends credence that it's a partisan issue, even though some Republicans have deviated.
...said the Republican who later unilaterally exonerated the Republican crook. But, hey, what's a little hypocrisy among friends?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to hounding the wrong guy. Here’s a reminder that assholes can, and do, sometimes pee in the pool during the fun. Twenty-seven years ago today, domestic right-wing terrorist nut Eric Rudolph—now serving four life sentences in a Colorado prison—detonated a pipe bomb at the ‘96 Summer Olympic games in Atlanta.
The blast killed one person and injured over a hundred more, but it could've been worse if security guard Richard Jewell hadn’t found the bomb and tried to move people out of harm's way. The hero was later pilloried in the press and by the late-night gaggle (Leno called him the "Una-doofus") when it became known that the FBI considered him a suspect. Then, when his name was officially cleared, they moved on and dumped his reputation by the side of the road like a rodent carcass. Wikipedia reminds us of what the media should've learned:
Jewell's case became an example of the damage that can be done by reporting based on unreliable or incomplete information...
Mr. Lesson From The Past, meet Mr. ADD.
JEERS to this week's edition of Indictment Watch. It's been a week since special counsel Jack Smith issued a "target letter" to the infamous leader of the MAGA cult indicating that his arrest and indictment were imminent on charges stemming his planning of the January 6, 2021 insurrection. To keep you informed down to the tiniest detail of the investigation's current status, we sat down for a texting session with our blue-ribbon, $5,000-an-hour rent-a-panel of legal experts to provide answers to the most commonly asked questions:
Has Donald J. Trump been indicted on January 6 charges yet?
No.
How about now?
No.
Over the course of the asking and answering of the previous question, have any indictments come down?
No.
Do you know when the indictments will drop?
No.
Do you know why the indictments are taking so long?
No.
Would right now, this very moment, be the time at which he's indicted?
No.
How about now?
No.
Anything yet?
No.
Since nothing's happening, can I have my $5,000 back?
No.
Do you guys ever go to Clarence Thomas's house to watch porn with him?
[This session has been terminated.]
Conclusions: 1) No indictments yet. 2) I need to get a better blue-ribbon panel.
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 27, 2013
CHEERS to a #44 with a #45, hold the mayo. President Obama had Hillary Clinton over to the White House to look over paint swatches for the Oval Office…er, um, to have lunch yesterday. Naturally, the media made it all about them:
The two Democrats and former rivals met for lunch Monday in a private dining room at the White House, spawning a frenzy of predictable media speculation about whether they might be putting their heads together about Clinton’s much-rumored 2016 run.
And—adding to that speculation—Clinton is now also scheduled to have breakfast [today] with Vice President Joe Biden, considered a top potential rival for the Democratic nomination.
After lunch Obama and Clinton played lawn darts in front of the press pool. Doctors say Chuck Todd won’t be able to sit down for a week.
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And just one more…
JEERS to today’s weather. Here’s today’s weather, brought to you by Exxon Mobil, BP, Shell, Chevron, Occidental, and their political sycophants:
For tomorrow’s weather, see today’s weather.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial
Allison Jones, a casting director for the “Barbie” movie, told Vanity Fair recently that a few beloved celebs narrowly missed playing Kens in Greta Gerwig’s box office smash. Jones said that “Saturday Night Live” star Bowen Yang, “Schitt’s Creek” alum Dan Levy and “Cheers and Jeers” kiddie pool splasher Bill in Portland Maine almost made it into Barbieland as variations on the hunky male doll.
—HuffPost
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