During her first broadcast after taking over as host of NBC’s venerable Sunday gab show “Meet the Press,” enemy of democracy Kristen Welker interviewed Donald Trump for some inane reason and asked him if he worries about going to prison when he lies in bed at night. And if new reports are accurate, like nearly every other answer he gave during that interview, his signature “sir story” response was a lie.
“I don't even think about it,” Trump replied. “I'm built a little differently I guess, because I have had people come up to me and say, 'How do you do it, sir? How do you do it?' I don't even think about it.”
How does he do it? Well, chances are he doesn’t. As one media fact-checker long ago noted, “a ‘sir’ is a flashing red light that [Trump] is speaking from his imagination rather than his memory.” (And another notes that if Trump relates “a story in which an unnamed person calls him ‘sir,’ it’s probably invented.“)
Now there’s even more support that “sir” lied to Welker—beyond the definitive “Trump’s lips were moving, and he was neither eating a canned ham on the veranda with one hand like a Bosc pear, nor blithely admitting he’d hoped Mike Pence would be hanged.”
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According to new reporting from Rolling Stone, Trump is not only worried about going to prison, he’s been fretting about it for months, asking his attorneys and “friends” (read: cynical hangers-on) what a prison sentence might actually entail.
As the criminal cases against him have piled up, the former president and 2024 GOP frontrunner has wondered aloud in recent months about what life would be like if he’s convicted, and if appeals fail. While Trump publicly professes confidence, privately, three sources familiar with his comments say, he’s been asking lawyers and other people close to him what a prison sentence would look like for a former American president.
Would he be sent to a “club fed” style prison — a place that’s relatively comfortable, as far these things go — or a “bad” prison? Would he serve out a sentence in a plush home confinement? Would government officials try to strip him of his lifetime Secret Service protections? What would they make him wear, if his enemies actually did ever get him in a cell — an unprecedented set of consequences for a former leader of the free world.
Yes. What would they make him wear? Trump has asked his inner circle, according to Rolling Stone: “Would the authorities make him wear ‘one of those jumpsuits’ in prison?”
Well, that would be awful, wouldn’t it? Especially if it’s orange. It would clash horribly with his face. Then again, he’d likely be forced to remove his “bronzer” on his first day—which should be utterly horrifying to his Mongol horde, who know him only by his natural earth tones.
Of course, being an abject coward who, among other things, runs away from elderly men with severe head injuries, Trump is no doubt unusually vexed about the prospect of being thrown in stir.
Even before he faced criminal charges, Trump showed at least a distant concern about looming criminal liability. As Rolling Stone reported in 2022, the former president told associates that he was looking forward to running for president again at least in part because the office would afford him at least temporary immunity from prosecution. He and his legal team have also grasped at exotic legal theories in seemingly desperate attempts to shut down the cases against him in Fulton County and New York City.
In other words, Trump is so afraid of going to prison, he’s running for president to avoid it. Which is an extraordinary campaign platform when you really think about it. Then again, even MAGA voters aren’t single-issue voters. After all, they love America and care as much about keeping Trump out of prison as they do about helping him establish a Thousand-Year Reich that rains unholy hellfire down on his enemies. See? Two issues.
Rolling Stone also cited sources close to Trump as indicating “the gravity of his mounting legal peril is getting to Trump, regardless of whether the former president can admit to it in public.”
Meanwhile, at least two of Trump’s opponents think he’s whistling past the graveyard and/or federal supermax prison.
Former Texas Rep. Will Hurd, who’s running for president as a (relatively) sensible person in the Silly Party, was lustily booed at a Republican event in late July for flatly stating “Donald Trump is running to stay out of prison.” Which he clearly is, of course. Oh, and he’s clearly afraid, too, as rare Republican truth-teller Chris Christie has noted.
The Hill, July 11:
Christie, the former governor of New Jersey, said based on the indictment, he believes Trump would be convicted and ultimately face jail time if he went to trial. During an interview on MSNBC’s “Morning Joe,” he said that to avoid going to jail, Trump may consider taking a plea deal instead of going to trial, despite his claims that he is not “afraid.”
“Because part of what the Department of Justice has always done, under all of the attorneys general that I’ve seen in my lifetime, is if we offer you a plea — which I’m certain they will — and you turn it down and you take us to trial and you’re convicted, that judge is sending you to jail,” said Christie, who has been outspoken in criticizing Trump on the presidential trail.
“And I’m telling you, no matter what he says, no matter how he’s bragging and going on and on about him not being afraid, he goes to bed every night thinking about the sound of that jail cell door closing behind them,” he said.
In that same “Morning Joe” interview, Christie also gave us hope that Trump might ultimately understand not being in prison for the rest of his life is preferable to throwing millions of hapless Americans into a mental and emotional gulag for another four years.
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“So the point of all that, really is to say, when push comes to shove, I’m not so sure [Trump] won’t take a plea. Because if that’s the only way he knows he can avoid prison, I think he just may,” Christie said.
Would the plea contain an admission that he’s an awful person (i.e., insurrectionist, traitor, confirmed rapist) who deserves to be president again sometime after they rename the Lincoln Memorial after Jefferson Davis?
Probably not, but we can at least hope it would finally and forever end his political career—and, by extension, the ghastly donkey-slaughterhouse noises that disgorge from his yawping maw even when he’s telling the truth.
Which, to reiterate, sir, is nearly never.
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