When RJ and I met 12 years ago, he was spending his spare time putting the finishing touches on the house he’d been building from the ground up for 10 years. I was spending mine protesting police militarization and advocating for the inclusion of Black history in the public school curricula. Those were the first facts we learned about each other.
RJ and I worked at the same large hospital and often would see each other outside walking during our break times. For months we would smile and wave and go on about our business. Then one day I saw him sitting on a bench and went up and introduced myself. During that conversation, we disclosed the aforementioned facts about ourselves.
Have you ever met someone that you just totally clicked with? That’s what happened that day. He was interested to learn that I was a white woman with an engineering background and knew a thing or two about design and construction principles even though certain professors and others had told me that women couldn’t be engineers. I was interested to learn that he was a Black man who’d managed to make it into management in a Florida institution where that was a rarity, to say the least, and knew a thing or two about surviving and thriving in a system designed to hold him down.
That was 12 years ago, and over those past 12 years we’ve gotten to know each other well. Turns out we’re roughly the same age, our siblings are roughly the same age, our kids are roughly the same age, our parents are roughly the same age. We both came up in the South through the public school system and a culture that was more likely to tell us why we couldn’t do things rather than why we could. We both defied that common wisdom and pursued our paths anyway, persisting and making course adjustments to accomodate plenty of hard knocks along the way. in short, we have lots and lots in common, and we’re still discovering that.
RJ has become my best friend and I have become his. He is the kind of person that was taking apart toys and radios and just about anything he could get his hands on and figuring out how they worked before he could even read. I’m the kind of person that was reading and asking why about all the big questions in life before I could even use a a screwdriver. We’ve learned a ton from each other.
The house that RJ built over 10 years was his pride and joy. While my side of our conversations have largely been details about politics and culture and philosophy, his have been about details of the latest construction project he’s got going and the tools and methods he’s gonna use to achieve it. The house he built is his life’s work and the creative expression of his essence.
Two days ago, RJ’s house burnt to the ground. He has lost everything. He was out of town when it happened and didn’t get back to see it until 2:00 yesterday morning. Obviously he’s still in the early stages of reality sinking in, but there’s a few things I know. No one was injured. The fire department is not sure how it started, but they have ruled out arson. The fire burned so hot that all that’s left of the refrigerator is a melted pile of stuff in what used to be the kitchen. The house was framed in steel, and that still stands, but there is nothing left on the inside.
It’s a massive shock, a terrible tragedy. What do you do when your best friend loses everything?
Well, here’s what I want to do. RJ has insurance and he’ll eventually be able to rebuild. But that’s a long process. As of today he’s got two pairs of pants, three shirts, and two pairs of shoes, socks and underwear. That’s it. No toothbrush, no deodorant, no shaver. No bed linens, no towels or washcloths, no toilet paper. No dinnerware, no soap, no batteries, no pens or paper. You get the picture. I want to help him get the essentials he needs so that he doesn’t have to spend all his energy thinking about survival and can focus on what he’s good at, rebuilding.
So, my DK friends, I’m asking for your help. I want to go buy him the essentials he needs while he’s doing the hard work of finding a place to live and meeting with the various entities he’ll have to meet with in order to solidify a plan for rebuilding. And he’ll have to do all that while still holding down his day job. I can afford to pitch in $100, but his immediate needs are far greater than that. If you can chip in, I would be super grateful. I know RJ would be, too. He’s very aware of the DK community because I read him almost every diary I write on here as well as many that I consume. While he’s not a card-carrying member, he is what I would describe as a strong ally and kindred spirit.
If you’re willing and able to help, contributions can be sent to my Paypal, jones.nancy@outlook.com, or to my CashApp, $nancyhjones. I’ll be seeing RJ tomorrow and will pass on to him whatever is given. Every bit helps! Also, if you can’t give money at this time, absolutely no worries. Even a rec to this diary is a contribution in itself as it will help the word spread. As always, thanks for your generosity!