As the Worm Turns: A Mar-a-Lardo Soap Opera
Season 1. Episode 5: Releasing the Kraken!
And now we return to Florida’s most luxurious elite resort and clip joint: Mar-a-Lardo, home to the disgraced, twice-impeached, single-term former president, Donald Trump! Today is a really special day as we now take you …
Scene 1: … to Mar-a-Lardo’s Grand Ballroom, where twice-impeached one-term former president Donald Trump is hosting a fundraiser for his friend and indicted co-defendant Rudy Giuliani. The ballroom is empty except for these two good buddies …
Giuliani: It’s really great of you to throw this fund-raiser, Mr. President. I didn’t know what I was going to do, my life is in shreds. Dominion is suing my ass off, Smartmatic is suing my ass off, I can’t pay my lawyers, so my lawyers can’t pay THEIR lawyers, so my lawyers’ lawyers are suing my lawyers’ asses off, and now I gotta pay the lawyers for those two broads down South just so THEIR lawyers can sue my ass off … I’m just glad I still have good friends like you, Donald. It means the world to me.
Donald Trump: Hey no problem Rudy ... You know I didn’t actually get any answers yet from all those invites I sent out though. You’d think nobody had a hundred grand to donate to a good cause.
Giuliani: Nobody at all? … geeze.
Trump: Rudy, I’ve gotta tell you this event is costing me a lot. I expected to recoup the 20 or 30 grand this is costing me out of my 90% cut of the take, but if there is no take, you’re going to end up owing me all the costs. Friendship is a two-way street, Rudy. Just sayin. I was hoping to make something off of this deal.
Giuliani: Wait, look! There’s some folks arriving! Let’s get this show on the road! Hi, so nice of you to come! I’m Mayor Giuliani, America’s mayor, heh heh. Please take a seat at any table.
Process Server : Uh, we didn’t come for the fundraiser, Mr. Giuliani. Here, you’ve been served.
………..
Scene 2: Outside the main entrance gate to Mar-a-Lardo, the illustrious jurist Sidney Powell, sometime adviser and Krakenmeister to the twice-impeached former president, has come to plead for the ex-POTUS’s help in her hour of need.
At the gate, Sidney Powell is furiously pushing buttons on a keypad, but to no avail.
Sidney Powell: Some bastard changed the code. (pounding on the gate) LET ME IN! PLEASE, I’ve GOT to see the POTUS!
Secret Service Agent Malahide: Look, lady, he’s holding a private event, and you’re not on the guest list. So please just pick up your little tote bag and skedaddle.
Sidney: (ignores him, pounds on the gate) PRESIDENT TRUMP!! HELP ME, OBESE ONE CANOLA! YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE!
Malahide: Shit! I don’t need this aggravation. Next thing you know, the press will be here.
Agent Carstairs: You want me call the Sherriff’s Department, Mal? Let them handle it, don’t try and tangle with this crazy broad.
Malahide: Yeah, fuck it … call ‘em.
Sidney: (bashing at the lock with a stone) SO THIS IS THE THANKS I GET for all my devotion, lies, and hard work! That’s it; I’m going to RELEASE THE KRAKEN, and his terrible wrath will be upon you!
A dozen TV news trucks and vans come screeching to a stop. Two or three helicopters appear overhead.
Carstairs: Oh, shit. What a clusterfuck.
Malahide: This place has a curse on it, I swear to God.
Reporter on the ground: This is Pat Peroxide for BSNN! We are at the entrance to Mar-a-Lardo, home of former one-term President Donald Trump, where his indicted codefendant Sidney Powell is reportedly trying to crash a private fundraiser! Two Secret Service men are at the … now Sidney is starting to climb over the gate! She’s going right up that gate in high heels, this is an INCREDIBLE story. History is being made right here AS WE WATCH. No twice-impeached former President’s ex-attorney has ever tried to … Hold on, she’s reached the top of the gate, this is unbelievable! What’s she doing now … Sidney appears to be caught on something up there! She’s waving her arms, OHMYGOD she’s falling, she’s falling, she’s crashing … … oh the humanity!
……….
Scene 3: At Mar-a-Lardo’s main gate, a growing crowd of spectators has now swelled the gathering of reporters, cameramen and Secret Service agents. Sidney Powell is lying on the ground, dazed but not badly hurt.
A squad of Sherriff’s Deputies pull up.
Sherriff’s Deputy 1: All right, folks, nothing to see here! Move along now …
MAGA man: No way, dude! We heard Hillary Clinton was caught trying to break in!
MAGA woman: She was going to assassinate our blessed Savior!
MAGA man: Is that her? on the ground there?
MAGA woman: I KNOW it’s Hillary! I can tell, I always come UNHINGED in the presence of evil!
MAGA Crowd: “Lock her up! Lock her up!”
“Burn the witch!”
“Hang Hillary!”
“Stone her with stones!”
“Heavenly Father, save the Chosen One!”
“Destroy the Whore of Babylon and all her works of sin!” (Several people begin speaking in tongues)
“WE WANT TRUMP! WE WANT TRUMP!”
“Kill the pig, cut her throat, spill the blood!”
“FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!
“Four legs good, two legs baaad!”
“Lock her up!”
“IVERMECTIN NOW!!”
“WHITE GENOCIDE!”
“SIEG … HEIL! … SIEG … HEIL!”
“HER EEEEEEEEEEEEEMAILS!!!!”
“Hunter Biden’s laptop!”
“Hunter Biden’s wanger!”
“BEN-GHA-ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
Sherriff’s Deputies: All right, let’s move it on back, folks!
A SOUND like the rushing of many waters is heard. It grows louder.
Sherriff’s Deputy 1: What’s that weird sucking sound?
MAGA spectator 5: Look, something is rising up out of the lagoon!
Sherriff’s Deputy 2: What in the hell is that thing? It’s like twenty feet high!
Deputy 3: My God, it has … … tentacles.
Sidney Powell: HA HA HA HA HA! I CURSE DONALD TRUMP! I CURSE YOU ALL! YOUR DOOM IS UPON YOU!
BEHOLD THE WRATH OF … THE KRAKEN!
……….
Note: This is Episode 5 in the Mar-a-Lardo Soap Opera, As the Worm Turns. See below for previous installments:
Episode 1: “Children of a Loser God”
Episode 2: "Of Inhuman Bondage"
Episode 3: "The Fraudfather"
Episode 4: “Labor Day at Mar-a-Lardo”