The 2024 election is the first time that a former White House resident returned for a third run as the leader of a national party since 1892. Grover Cleveland’s return bid was still in the time when the national conventions selected the party’s vice-presidential candidate, and Cleveland got a new running mate when it came to his third try for the presidency.
However, it’s easy to see that no smoke-filled room is going to be required to convince Donald Trump to pick a new VP candidate. Not only did Mike Pence fail to clear the will-coup-for-you bar, it’s not even clear that Pence is all that interested in literally putting his neck on the line.
No worries. Trump has developed a VP short list that includes plenty of potential sycophants who would never dream of crossing the boss.
During a “town hall” helpfully arranged to give Trump additional free airtime on Fox News, an even half-dozen candidates were confirmed to be on the list: Florida Rep. Byron Donalds, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, professional troll and former Hawaii Rep. Tulsi Gabbard, South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, biotech dude Vivek Ramaswamy, and South Carolina Sen. Tim Scott.
A couple of these names can probably be dropped right away.
It’s not going to be DeSantis. First, Trump seems to have just too much fun ridiculing the guy who the media had picked to be Trump’s replacement in that brief period following the Jan. 6, 2021, insurrection, when the press was desperately fishing for someone else who was willing to say racist, misogynist, and abysmally stupid things for the daily news cycle.
Even though he departed the primary season with an endorsement of Trump, DeSantis has since earned the ire of Trump’s campaign team by setting foot in South Carolina. Team Trump recently rewarded him with a fresh round of absolutely scathing comments. He’s not the guy—even though he has a perfect handle on what it takes to be on this short version of the short list.
Not that DeSantis wants the job. “People were mentioning me [as a potential vice president],” he said Wednesday in audio obtained by the New York Post. “I am not doing that.”
It’s also surely not going to be Tulsi Gabbard. Gabbard, handy as she is for Fox News to prop behind a sign that reads “Democrat,” is a nobody. Her utter lack of personal morality, dignity, or principles is no doubt appealing to Trump, and she can still net a speaking spot before the faithful at CPAC, but she’s always demonstrated the innate charisma of a wig stand.
Outside of people who stay glued to Fox News, no one gives a damn about Gabbard. “Was a representative three years ago” is way down there on the list of political capital, and Gabbard brings with her exactly zero people who weren’t already going to vote for Trump. Or maybe for Kodos. Gabbard’s odds are miles better than DeSantis, but they’re still close enough to zero that it doesn’t matter.
Of those who remain, Donalds and Noem … exist. Sort of. Noem at least had the temporary cachet of being willing to crap all over the health of her constituents to demonstrate her love for Trump. Also she recently dispatched South Dakota’s National Guard to what she calls the “warzone” along the border, even though she sent them a month after border crossings plunged. Noem also benefits from the fact that she was so certain Trump would win from the outset that she shelved her own White House ambitions. It’s not a very good case for her nomination, but it’s a case.
Donalds … wait. Does he exist? That’s only slightly harsh because while Fox gives Donalds airtime, his whole shtick is just “Biden is bad.” No one else seems to pay much attention. But hey, Donalds did show up at CPAC to claim that “more people have died from wind turbines than nuclear power.” Trump will like that line.
Donald and Donalds. Would Trump find that fun or just confusing? Would he forget which one he is? Anyway, not Donalds.
That leaves the short part of the long short list: Ramaswamy and Scott.
You have to hand this much to Scott: He wants it. Oh, precious, he wants it so bad. Bad enough to give what may be the most embarrassing performance in a year of deeply embarrassing politics.
This moment came during Trump’s New Hampshire victory speech, and it’s unclear if his uncomfortableness in this moment comes from a level of sycophancy that exceeded even his wildest expectations, or if he just forgot for a moment that a Black man was standing behind him. But lord … this is awful on so many levels.
The bad news for Scott here is that Trump remembers he was appointed by former South Carolina Gov. Nikki Haley, and Trump remembers that Scott turned around and stabbed Haley in the back. That’s not the kind of behavior that makes the king comfortable, Tim.
Then there is Ramaswamy. Yes, he did join in the Republican presidential primary, but unlike anyone else who stepped onto that stage, there never seemed to be any doubt that he was doing it for any purpose other than raising his profile with Trump.
Ramaswamy has been out there doing his Trump homework, while other people are just hoping to get noticed. He’s been attacking New York Attorney General Letitia James and preaching the gospel of vengeance. And he doesn’t neglect the MAGA base that is still waiting for that next message from Q. That includes him saying that Michelle Obama is a man, and a promise to give Vladimir Putin just about everything he wants in Ukraine.
Ramaswamy delivers his conspiracy theories and lies with the kind of intensity and confidence that shows Trump that he is all in. He has to be at the top of Trump’s list. Though watching Ramaswamy watch Trump, and Trump watch Ramaswamy, to see which of them will throw the other under the bus first could be good sport as the polls start to head south.
So that’s everyone. Except, hold on a second, Rep. Elise Stefanik has stepped into the ring. Stefanik has been doing her level best to get a pat on the head, confirming that she would have gone right along with Trump's 2020 coup.
Trashing Pence, doubling down on Jan. 6, and expressing her willingness to take another swing at ending the republic. Ramaswamy might have a fight on his hands.
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Democratic voters know Joe Biden is old and MAGA voters like to pretend that Trump isn't just as long in the tooth. Both men were old the last time we did this and the only thing that’s changed is Biden is now a successful incumbent, while Trump is busy juggling trials and indictments.
