Today I boarded my 19 year old daughter on a flight to Berlin to study abroad for her Junior year. It was bittersweet for us both.
We left in plenty of time to get to LAX three hours before departure, as recommended for international flights. The closer we got the more I felt the queasiness of worry and uncertainty in my stomach, kind of like the giddy and frightening feeling of looking thousands of feet down from the rim into the Grand Canyon. She would be so far away, for so long. The last two years Ali had been attending the University of San Francisco, living in the dorm as a freshman and with roommates in an off-campus apartment as a sophomore. But San Francisco is only a seven hour drive from L.A., while Germany is on a different continent.
And it was not as though we hadn't been through this all before. This would be her third trip to Europe; the first to Germany with her grandparents when she was nine; the second to play soccer in the Netherlands as a People to People "ambassador" when she was twelve. It wasn't easy then. I thought it would be easier this time. It wasn't.
On the drive I started thinking of "what if scenarios." What if her money, credit card and other belongings were stolen? What if she couldn't get a bed at a hostel that first night? What if the airport were targeted by terrorists? What if the volcano in Iceland erupted? What if her plane crashed?! Good grief!--I was freaking out.
Of course I didn't let on to her I was thinking about any of this. I kept it practical and mundane. I ran through the checklist with her again. In the days leading up to her departure Ali had alternated between periods of cool headed planning and tearful meltdowns. She worried that her host family would not like her or that she would run out of money, or both.
The latter was more likely than the former. We live in the very affluent community of Claremont, but we don't have anything close to the kind of money most of her friends do. Money is always tight. I paid for her previous trip to Holland by having some of my music students pay for their lessons a year in advance. USF is an expensive private school and at about $50k/year we could not have afforded the tuition without her academic scholarship, federal grants, guaranteed student loans and some help from Grandmother and her Aunt. Fortunately except for the plane ticket, the study abroad program was included in her tuition.
The real problem will not be terrorists or volcanos, but rather her student loan debt. I came from a family of divorce and had to pay for twelve years of college by working full time and taking on about $70K of debt. I'm still making income sensitive payments. Her mom is also paying off her student debt. Our family is well educated but we have never been able to buy a home. After all is said and done Ali's bachelors degree will end up leaving her with a principal debt of about $50k. If she goes on to graduate school it will be even more.
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I just got an email from Ali as I write. She has arrived in Berlin. She met two SoCal students on the plane also studying in Berlin this semester. They are going to share their hotel with her and so she will not have to stay in a hostel. She will meet her host family tomorrow. This is good to know. She said she read the letter I wrote her on the plane. In it I told her how brave and beautiful she was; how proud I was of her. She said it made her cry a little to read it. It made me cry a little to write it.
1:45 PM PT: Thanks so much everyone for all the encouraging words and helpful suggestions. I didn't really think this kind of diary entry would make it to the Rec List.
Ali met her family and she describes them as "laid back" and "progressive." She said they took her to a nice café for coffee and then to their home "which is very nice. It's not too big and sort of laid back like our house... ya know, like all of the furniture doesn't match and they have artwork hanging up and kids toys out, I like it."