For the 4th, a revised Pledge of Allegiance

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Monday July 04, 2011 · 6:37 AM PDT

2011/07/04 · 06:37

The United States and the Philippines are the only two countries on Earth which have a pledge to a flag. Ours includes mention of an all-powerful monkey that lives in the clouds, plus an extra big gooey glob of implied xenophobia just for good measure.

This pledge does not make us a better people, it makes us decidedly weird. We could do SO much better. Thus, this.

For all you non-history buffs, the "under god" part of the pledge was added in 1954 while the U.S. was beside itself about imaginary communist incursion of the U.S. government. So it's not like Jesus wrote it on a fig leaf, just for us.

Happy holiday, everyone. Now go blow yourself up like a good American.

Farleftside

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Wednesday June 29, 2011 · 12:40 PM PDT

2011/06/29 · 12:40

I got to thinking today that felines would look at religion a little differently than us primates.

Make that a lot differently.

Farleftside

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Friday June 24, 2011 · 7:21 AM PDT

2011/06/24 · 07:21

You just wanted a burger.

But that requires cows and cows require corn and corn requires phosphates and phosphates leach into the water and the water reaches the gulf and the gulf becomes a big dead zone and millions of fish die.

Or cows require pasture which requires deforestation which shrinks the rain forest which means erosion of the soil and species loss and release of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere leading eventually to climate change and droughts and floods and, ironically enough, starvation when the crops fail.

Meanwhile those cows are eliminating millions of tons of waste packed with deadly e. coli daily even though they're regularly dosed with a steady supply of human-grade antibiotics, which you eventually eat, that barely keeps them alive long enough to reach the slaughterhouse before their livers fail from being force-fed a delightful hash of corn and ground-up cow remains.

But you just wanted one little burger. No harm done, right?

Farleftside

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Thursday June 23, 2011 · 1:39 PM PDT

2011/06/23 · 13:39

If you don't follow the news then you might still be mystified at the exact intent of the labels, so see if you can guess which ravenous swine represents the criminal banking system and which obese, malicious pig represents a company whose name rhymes with "small fart".

Farleftside

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Monday June 20, 2011 · 7:45 AM PDT

2011/06/20 · 07:45

I hate to waggle the charming notion found in today's cartoon in your face but I'm getting the distinct impression that if John Boehner were a cobbler his children would be shoeless. If he were a car salesman his wife would be lurching about in an '87 Yugo. If he ran a seniors home his parents would be living in a dumpster behind an Outback Steakhouse. And if he were a congressman his constituents would have all the discrimination of wolverine poop.

To be honest, Mr. Boehner is intelligent enough to find his ass with both hands and so he's and perfectly capable of passing legislation that would create jobs in this country. He's just not going to do it. To the GOP it doesn't matter if people are eating out of dumpsters as long as it means a one-term presidency for Mr. Obama.

Bon appetit', America.

Farleftside

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Wednesday June 15, 2011 · 6:34 AM PDT

2011/06/15 · 06:34

With all of this talk of job growth I thought I'd take the opportunity to present the salient data from an historical viewpoint, president by president.

My information for this cartoon came from here but you can play with a wonderful, dynamically driven chart covering job growth here.

Farleftside

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Monday June 13, 2011 · 8:53 AM PDT

2011/06/13 · 08:53

The dairy industry is cruel to the cow, the calves and, in the long run, the planet.

Farleftside

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Friday June 10, 2011 · 7:55 AM PDT

2011/06/10 · 07:55

Just in time for the holidays it's The Miracle Worker, starring Some Guy Who Just Walked In The Door.

Cheer as this plucky political neophyte, deaf, dumb and blind to anything except campaign donations, steals your heart and the recall elections.

Farleftside

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Wednesday June 08, 2011 · 12:06 PM PDT

2011/06/08 · 12:06

Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly are not the stars of news programs. They actually offer about the same thing as the Daily Show, minus the incisive wit and minus the audience.

Can you IMAGINE what a live audience would do for all three Fox programs? It would be the awesome! We could run office pools predicting when the first projectile vomiting would occur.

Farleftside

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Monday June 06, 2011 · 7:23 AM PDT

2011/06/06 · 07:23

We used to believe that the bounty of the sea was inexhaustible. It isn't.

Farleftside

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Friday June 03, 2011 · 8:58 AM PDT

2011/06/03 · 08:58

If the world were free of religion what might it look like? My guess is it that would be about the same except with a zillion small differences.... like #3,187.

Farleftside

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Wednesday June 01, 2011 · 1:35 PM PDT

2011/06/01 · 13:35

It's clear that our Republican congressman are under a lot of stress at their job, trying desperately to accomplish something meaningful, and so they need a little relaxation. But not every legislator has time to create and upload seductive torso shots to Gawker or Craigslist. Therefore, I've taken the initiative and created a universal placeholder for all members of the GOP who are looking for that special person when they're not looking for ways to guy Medicare.

Have fun, fellahs, and keep up the good work.

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For the 4th, a revised Pledge of Allegiance

On Your Knees, Monkey Boy!

How the Chaos Theory works

Two Pigs, Two Fail

The Do-It-Yourselfer

Tackling Employment With Both Hands

The Dairy Diary

The Miracle Worker, a farce, onstage now!

The Emperor Has No Audience

Where Have All the Fishies Gone?

Why Do You Have A Fish On Your Bumper?

Prelude to an Afternoon of a Gawker