In 2000, Sam was a proud, lapel pin wearing, Log Cabin Republican in spite of the earnest efforts of his sister and me to convince him otherwise. He was convinced that his best economic interests were Republican based and that he could "work within the system" to ameliorate the social extremism exhibited by that party - and, at least with LBGT issues, the country as a whole, if the truth be told. And he was more than a little pissed at Clinton's DADT policy even though I felt it was at least a small step in the right direction.
He supported the village idiot at that time and, as far as I am concerned, the only redeeming thing to come out of dubya's first term was to shake Sam loose from his long held misconceptions about the economic viability and validity of republicanism generally as well as the "compassionate conservatism" vacuously voiced by that administration.
In 2006 Sam's long term partner, James, became seriously ill with heart and lung problems and, as a result, Sam had to resign from a very good, high paying, job in the nursing home industry. He was in charge of inspecting a large number of facilities from Florida through New Jersey to insure compliance with state and federal statutes and regulations and, as a result, was on the road about three weeks a month. Given the amount of time away from home and the serious nature of his partner's illness he really didn't have a choice.
I don't suppose he was all that sorry to have left such a stressful job. He was a gourmet cook and his significantly reduced work hours allowed him to spend time in the kitchen and putting on dinner parties for his extended network of friends and family. He loved eating good food and sharing it with others.
James was a retired professor and had health coverage but Sam was not - could not - be on his policy and was not able to afford Cobra coverage after he left his employment. He and James wanted to marry but decided that the unsettled legal environment precluded them from going to one of the few places where that was an option at the time.
James died in 2007 and Sam was never able to replicate the pay or benefits he lost the year before.
About three years ago, Sam developed some very strange physical symptoms - increasing difficulty in swallowing, intermittent pain, and a need to continually and loudly clear his throat. With his "medical" background and the help of the internet, he self diagnosed his condition as an hiatal hernia and for literally a year refused to seek a more appropriate medical evaluation - primarily because he had no health coverage.
He couldn't afford it he said; he wouldn't "sponge" off others to pay for it he said; he wouldn't be a freeloader on the system he said; he would have medicare in a few years he said; it was a condition which would resolve itself he said.
Sam died a month ago. Esophageal cancer.
He finally received a medical evaluation when we forced him to go to the emergency room in the summer of 2010 where he was evaluated, admitted, tested and a few days later, diagnosed with a three to six month terminal condition. Oh, he went through chemo and radiation treatments designed to delay the inevitable - he even went so far as to shave his head before he began so he wouldn't be embarrassed and we would be used to his new look before it became involuntary. He beat the medical prognostication by at least a full year.
Sam never smoked or used drugs. He was usually a moderate drinker. He was only slightly overweight and healthy in all other respects. His only vice, if it can be called that, was his love of food which was cruelly torn from him since he couldn't eat during his treatments and subsisted on a gruel put through a tube directly into his stomach. Finally, his esophagus destroyed, he spent the last six months of his life surviving on that mush.
Would things have been different if he had health care and sought treatment when his symptoms first appeared - who the hell knows.
But I do know that the delay and any concomitant physical problems were directly caused by his lack of health insurance and other resources. He was too proud to accept a handout but would have gone to a doctor if he had coverage.
Would he have been happier if he and James had been married - absolutely.
Sam lived long enough to see the elimination of DADT and the changing attitude toward gay marriage and the wider acceptance of LBGT people. For that I am thankful.
SO, SAM - HERE'S TO YOU. May you find peace with the loving God you so earnestly believed in. May you find the acceptance denied to you in our grievously bigoted society. May you and James get married in a better place. May you never have to worry about health issues or coverage and may your table always be full.
