Threatening Traditions - Part III.a: Traditional Sexuality and Choice

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Tuesday July 15, 2014 · 4:30 PM PDT

2014/07/15 · 16:30

Conservatives are crazy, but never quite as crazy as when they talk about sex, particularly homosexuality. Consider the conservative theory of human sexuality, which, as best as I can figure, amounts to this:

Sexual orientation is something that is biologically innate, or else it is something that is freely chosen. Sexual orientation is "natural" or it is "chosen."

When conservatives want to yell at gays and lesbians (i.e., marginalize them and deny them civil rights) they reveal their heterosexist colors by denying that homosexuality is "natural" and insisting that it is a (bad) "choice."

As in my last two diaries, I want to examine the rhetorical strategy used by the Right to build in an advantage for itself and put the Left on the defensive. The problem here is that the conservative theory of human sexuality is such a ginormous steaming pile of fuck-all that I barely know where to begin. It is so pernicious it might have been created by Satan, and I'm an atheist so you know I'm serious about that.

Lest the task seem insurmountable, I've decided to take it a shovelful at a time. In other words, I won't try to say everything in one diary, because no one has that kind of endurance. Below the squiggle, I begin this Sisyphean task by formulating a question. I doubt there is a single "right answer" to the question, so, as much as anything, I'm soliciting informed opinions and feedback.

Poll

178 votes Show Results

Do you think that sexual orientation is a given biological fact? Or is the story more complicated?

I am a lesbian and I think it's a given biological fact.

I am a lesbian and I think the story is more complicated.

I am a gay man and I think it's a given biological fact.

I am a gay man and I think the story is more complicated.

I am a straight woman and I think it's a given biological fact.

I am a straight woman and I think the story is more complicated.

I am a straight man and I think it's a given biological fact.

I am a straight man and I think the story is more complicated.

I am a bisexual and feel doubly blessed by nature.

I am a bisexual and nature's got little to do with it.

I am asexual, and that complicates things in ways we should think about.

I am convinced the best PIE is baked on the Hard Rock Candy Mountain.

This poll is the best of all possible polls.

178 votes Vote Now!

Do you think that sexual orientation is a given biological fact? Or is the story more complicated?

I am a lesbian and I think it's a given biological fact.

6 votes

I am a lesbian and I think the story is more complicated.

8 votes

I am a gay man and I think it's a given biological fact.

21 votes

I am a gay man and I think the story is more complicated.

15 votes

I am a straight woman and I think it's a given biological fact.

16 votes

I am a straight woman and I think the story is more complicated.

30 votes

I am a straight man and I think it's a given biological fact.

13 votes

I am a straight man and I think the story is more complicated.

22 votes

I am a bisexual and feel doubly blessed by nature.

18 votes

I am a bisexual and nature's got little to do with it.

10 votes

I am asexual, and that complicates things in ways we should think about.

7 votes

I am convinced the best PIE is baked on the Hard Rock Candy Mountain.

6 votes

This poll is the best of all possible polls.

6 votes

Threatening Traditions - Part II: Traditional Masculinity

Silencio

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Sunday July 06, 2014 · 4:30 PM PDT

2014/07/06 · 16:30

I'm a straight man. Let me tell you what I hear, as a straight man, when I'm told, "Don't worry! Homosexuality is no threat to masculinity..."

I hear that masculinity is something normal, natural, unproblematic. There's no important history to inquire into, nothing interesting to learn, nothing to account for. I hear that, and I feel comforted. As masculine, as a Man, my humanity is affirmed without hesitation. In fact, when told that not only do gay men not threaten my masculinity but that some are masculine themselves, I feel even better about myself. I feel special. Not only is my humanity merely assumed, it turns out that masculinity is a type of status that other people recognize, respect, and aspire to. As masculine, I'm a norm, a standard of humanity.

What's not to like?

Silencio

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Wednesday July 02, 2014 · 4:30 PM PDT

2014/07/02 · 16:30

Marriage equality is a struggle for civil rights, a matter of equal treatment and justice. I think most on this site agree about that. I think most of us also agree that opposition to marriage equality is motivated by fear, whether it is fear arising from the "ick" factor, a baseless and mean-spirited fear about the "welfare of children," or some obscure fear that -- in ways we cannot yet imagine -- social relations will be very different should marriage equality become universal.

Opponents of marriage equality commonly express this fear in terms of a threat: marriage equality threatens traditional marriage. There is an immediate problem with that maneuver. A simple appeal to tradition is a fallacy. Just because a social practice has been around for a while does not justify continuing the practice. (Think of slavery, child labor, denying women the vote.) If a tradition is worth preserving, you need to give reasons to show that it is. If the traditional family is what defenders say it is, those reasons should be readily available and persuasive.

Yet we continue to hear that marriage equality threatens the traditional family. Proponents of marriage equality, for their part, deny any such threat. Marriage equality is about just that: equal rights. Nothing is taken away from straight couples; nothing is devalued. There is no threat. On the contrary, marriage equality will expand equality and justice. Democracy is the winner.

That's true In fact, it's truer than usually recognized. But, below the squiggle, I'm going to raise a critical point that sometimes gets overlooked in the rush to reassure conservatives that there is no threat to traditional marriage. There is a threat, and it is a justified threat to the traditional family. I wonder whether it would be a good rhetorical strategy (or perhaps counterproductive) to acknowledge and spell out the nature of that threat, so that it is clear what conservatives are actually defending?

Silencio

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Thursday June 26, 2014 · 4:30 PM PDT

2014/06/26 · 16:30

In a recent Walking on Eggshells diary, CroneWit made a valuable observation about how men talk (and often do not talk) about their familiarity with feminism.

[W]e need men who understand this to speak and tell their own stories of how they allowed themselves to be changed when they began to listen to women's expressions, even (and especially) when those expressions made them uncomfortable.
...what confronted them and made them, for the first time, question that cultural 'given'...and how they changed their behavior after these realizations.

Yet, in the various diaries/thread I've read so far on these issues, those stories are absent. I've seen a number of men refer to this change-process as something that happened, in the past...These men give the summary, but do not tell the story...

Even if men sincerely try, it can be hard for us to "get" feminism, in part because of how we go about it. We often "lead with our head" -- we learn arguments and principles; we remind ourselves "to listen" (to what, Odin only knows); and we ask (usually a woman) "What is to be done?"

That's why CroneWit's call for "stories of how [men] allowed themselves to be changed" resonated with me. Sometimes "getting it" is less a matter of decision than of allowing oneself to be touched, moved, changed. Storytelling can occasion insight in that way. Below the squiggle, I'll talk about some experiences that, over time, primed me to take feminist themes seriously.

Poll

50 votes Show Results

Does storytelling help you better understand yourself and others?

50 votes Vote Now!

Does storytelling help you better understand yourself and others?

I'm not a member of Daily Kos. But I'll read and listen.

3 votes

I'm a man. I'm not a member of Daily Kos. But I'm going to join so I can comment.

0 votes

I'm a woman. I'm not a member of Daily Kos. But I'm going to join so I can comment.

0 votes

I'm a man and a member of Daily Kos. I have a story to tell, but today I think I'll just listen.

7 votes

I'm a woman and a member of Daily Kos. I have a story to tell, but today I think I'll just listen.

26 votes

I'm a man. I'll share my story in the comments below.

4 votes

I'm a woman. I'll share my story in the comments below.

5 votes

I want to comment but I can't. A hobo is stealing my pie.

4 votes

Ordinarily I would comment. But this poll has numbed me.

1 vote

MAD MEN: A diary about (and for) men who are mad about stuff

Silencio

Community (This content is not subject to review by Daily Kos staff prior to publication.)

Wednesday June 18, 2014 · 4:30 PM PDT

2014/06/18 · 16:30

No, I'm not talking about the TV show. (Except I am, sorta.)

I'm talking about (and to) men who are mad. Mad like Howard Beale was mad. Mad at (or about) women. Women who talk about women-stuff. And women who talk about men. Also, too, women who don't talk about men. In short, I'm addressing men who get mad, indignant, or defensive when women sometimes presume to speak as women. Women who claim authority to speak as members of a particular social group.

After the squiggle, I propose that you -- man who gets mad when women speak about women, or speak about men, or don't speak about men -- you can learn something from your anger. I mean that. And women -- by making you impatient, arousing your indignation or making you squirm -- women can teach you something.

Socrates (the Greek dude) compared himself to a "gadfly" that "stung" his fellow citizens into thinking about things they didn't want to think about. Nobody likes that. So they yelled at him and said, "Leave us alone!" Socrates said, "I'm not going to leave you alone!" So they convicted him of heresy and corrupting the youth and sentenced him to death. Socrates took it all in stride. But he told them: "You guys are pissed at me [and they were all guys -- only men were citizens] but what you don't realize is that I'm your benefactor. Not only should you not be mad at me -- you should be thanking me!"

Any man who gets mad when women speak as women about women's concerns and interests (which are neither identical to nor in conflict with men's concerns), that man should pause and consider whether his anger isn't misplaced. When we, we men, least want to hear something is perhaps when we most ought to listen.

Poll

230 votes Show Results

Do you think there's "a grain of truth" to what de Becker says? Or does it sound like "crazy talk"?

230 votes Vote Now!

Do you think there's "a grain of truth" to what de Becker says? Or does it sound like "crazy talk"?

I am a woman and I think there's "a grain of truth to it."

147 votes

I am a woman and I think it sounds like "crazy talk."

2 votes

I am a man and I think there's "a grain of truth to it."

50 votes

I am a man and I think it sounds like "crazy talk."

11 votes

Don't talk about your neighbor when there is pie in your own eye.

6 votes

Aw, Jiminy Cricket...Another poll!?

13 votes

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Threatening Traditions - Part III.a: Traditional Sexuality and Choice

Threatening Traditions - Part II: Traditional Masculinity

Threatening Traditions - Part I: Traditional Marriage

How an ordinary father's son stumbled onto feminism

MAD MEN: A diary about (and for) men who are mad about stuff