In the past, I'd ask my parents for some fun, expensive gadget for Christmas. This year, I asked them simply to help pay my bills and make sure I didn't freeze to death.
Five years ago, I had no real idea what it was like to be poor, and I suppose I still don't. I had a comfortable upper-middle-class upbringing. My parents were immigrants and not wealthy, but they worked extremely hard, and tried to make sure that my siblings and I were happy, healthy, and well-educated. I had the luxury of going to college and having it paid for, simply because my parents sacrificed so much to make sure that was possible.
For the first few years of my career, things were good. As a young professional, expensive trinkets and outings were just an everyday thing. My idea of "poor" a few years ago was having to apply for food stamps if you needed to, and having a few very poor people out on the streets. I took for granted simple things like going to the doctor if I needed to.
Unfortunately, the macabre effects of depression took their hold a few years ago. I haven't been able to work; I might qualify for disability, but I don't want to do that, and that's not the point of this diary anyways. I think I'll be able to work again in the next year or so. I'm not sure what I'll do if I can't, but I don't see the point in worrying about that just yet.
The real point of this diary is coming to terms with and understanding what it DOES mean to be poor. I'm very lucky that my parents have still been able to help me, even as an adult, until I get back on my feet, and that I saved up a decent amount of money when I was working. Most people don't have EITHER of those luxuries.
Now, I don't have health insurance for the first time in my life. I simply can't afford it, since until pre-existing condition limitations kick in, the moderately-expensive medications I need to take aren't covered, nor are any of my doctor's visits. So it's cheaper to just hope I don't get into an accident or develop any serious condition. (I'm waiting for the six-month clock to tick down on the pre-existing condition plan right now, since that would reduce my overall costs; I foolishly took out temporary insurance for a couple months that reset the clock on that.)
I look back on things like spending $50 on dinner without any thought, and wish I could just have that money in my pocket instead. Now, when I go to the grocery store, I spend far more time looking at what I need and what I want, and trying to figure out what I can buy that's healthy and within my budget. Having severe depression makes that more difficult, since it's hard to even just cook many days. So I need to buy stupid stuff like frozen meals, for the days when I can barely get out of bed.
Paying utilities incenses me, in the form of the late fees and instant-payment fees they require to avoid disconnections. They're all geared against the poor; I couldn't pay my electric and gas bills for a couple months, so I racked up a bunch of late fees, and I'm sure there are many people in the same situation. I "avoided" a late fee by paying $4.95 for last month on my gas bill so that I could charge it to a credit card; of course, I now have to pay off that credit card, but it was better than having my heat shut off.
It's been an interesting journey. In the past, I wouldn't have thought twice about spending a few hundred bucks on a new iPad or whatever. Now I'd rather just have that money to try to buy some healthy food.
So, I'm curious, are there any other folks who've fallen from a comfortable life into veritable suckitude, and have any stories to share? I suppose I'm looking for some advice and a bit of a helping hand on the matter, but mainly, I just wanted to put my story out there.
We all know our social security net is disintegrating. And when someone like me, who has had very-well-paying jobs in the past, and parents who can still support me, can't get by...I fear even more for the truly poor in our country.
I'm certainly not the truly poor. I have no idea what I'd do if I didn't have some savings from my previous jobs and parents to help out. That scares me even more for those who have neither of those.
And for the first time in my life, I'm scared of what's to come. Not just for myself, but for the others in my position. The others who really don't have anything to fall back on other than government aid that they may or may not get, and which is dwindling these days.
I guess that as much as the past few years have sucked, I've learned a lot. I've learned what it's like to squeak by on a tight budget, as my savings dwindle. I've learned how hard it is to feed myself when I can't just pile whatever into my cart. I'm finally at the point where I qualify for various public assistance, and that depresses me further.
And to conclude, I suppose I feel humbled. I lived a pretty decent lifestyle when I could, and I'm now "poor" but STILL living a better lifestyle than much of our country is. It scares me that there are so many people with far less resources than I have, and it's hard enough for me at the moment. It scares me that we're even considering yanking one penny away from those folks.
Why do we do this to our poor? When someone like myself can't get by due to a hopefully-temporary illness, even with resources to fall back on...what hope is there for the millions of even-less-fortunate?
Read More
