This is my first diary. Another Kossack suggested that I cut and paste a comment I made on a different diary and to make my own diary. This is the first time anyone has suggested that I do this. So here is my story which should make the conundrum I face clear to you. Am I the 1%? Or, am I the 99%?
I am a mid-60s year old single female, an ex-pat returned from a very different European economy and social structure to that which is assumed here in the USA. I have always worked and earned my keep. During the last decade that I was over there, I was finally "successful". But here, in the USA, my European laurels are discredited... none of my European "references" (let me go so far as to say "fame," yes, I was published and respected)... stood me to any account over here. (In the last decade I spent in Spain, I was an activist against trapping parrots in the wild to fill the demands of the pet trade, with the resulting destruction of their habitats, and the fact that the captured babies would spend their lives in misery in captivity--as well as the other ramifications of the wild caught trade.) I bred birds, very successfully and we were all (me, my birds) as happy as we could be in our grim task. The market for tame, exotic birds was and is very strong. I thought it would overall be better that the new "pet" birds came from my aviaries than from robbed nests in the wild.
In 2000, I returned to the US to be with my family, finally, and at their request. Understand, I have a daughter and a son in law who, after years of eating Ramen to survive, scored big financially due to their choices and hard work that they made "way back when" and continue to this day.
For more than seven years, I looked for work, any kind of work (I have a lot of diverse experience and managerial know how in several fields, barring IT and big banking. ) I am a sensible, energetic, hard working and perceptive person. I even went back to college, in order to have some validity of my worth put down on paper for a potential future employer to see. But in this current economic climate, I guess it wasn't enough. It seemed that in the workforce, I counted for nothing. I found no job, a few call backs from resumes I submitted. I cannot get a decent job or any job for that matter. Perhaps I could get a part time gig if I waved a sign at noon time to advertise the Pizza Hut $5 buffet special. (In these later years, I now need a cane to walk any great distance)
How much I would LOVE to see a doctor. My back feels like it is on fire most of the time. I could have a doctor, as my kids care about me. But I won't ask for one as the current US health care situation is rapacious and unfair. Sorry, but I am used to a more "equitable" European "socialist" system where I paid in and got out what I needed, when I needed it, which was infrequently. In Spain, I paid about $100/mo for private medical insurance. It covered everything... doctor visits, hospital, emergencies...all with a doctor of my choice and no copay. It was great! Here, my kids get NO deductions in their taxes for helping me out. I think of Darwin often, if you know what I mean. I'm not going to sap my family's resources more!
I can't touch my accrued retirement account in Spain for another two years. And given the way things are, it is possible that the pennies I have saved over there will be worth even less when I finally can. So much for private retirement plans...
My kids bought an old house for me to live in near to them. It was sadly neglected and truly a disaster within, though it was physically sound. I myself have removed old wall paper and linoleum floors, patched and plastered, painted and varnished. I directed roofers and the house-siders, electricians and plumbers. And I am much more, like my current task of personally tiling the whole downstairs' floors (hard work). After this, I can start with the landscaping, God Willing. I do not charge my kids a "salary" because I praise God every day for my good fortune and their generosity. The work also brings me a way to "save face" as I work for the money that I need to spend for the "bare" necessities of everyday life. This is money and a presupposed security that others in the US (oops, I meant most of the world) don't have (and I have many times in the past been with them, as I was growing my businesses abroad.) This current work is physically "killing" me, often my lower back feels on fire. I hurt to tears sometimes. Really. But I don't want or take charity, not from anybody, family or any kind of state or federal welfare, nor so food stamps.
But thanks to my kids I am fed and warm (and loved), and God Believe me, I am very thankful for my luck that today they have the wherewithal and desire to keep me off the streets.
As an aside, I did my tax return for 2011, and ended up $400 something in the hole over what I had earned (the pittance paid to me from my Americorps work). No payment in and no refund. Am I a grifter? My only financial support is from my family. I only bothered to do the return because I need to show it to the financial officer at the local medical clinic where I have access to at least see a doctor's assistant or a nurse.
My attempt at higher education (paid for by my supportive kids) was made in order to get a meaningful job here in the USA, and was devoted to learning about non profits and how I could be a part of them. Oh, yes, now (without a job) I still donate clothing and food (the clothing I buy for a quarter during summer garage sales). But I cannot be a contributor or leader in the work. I am a USA born and bred citizen, but my life experience and savvy counts for naught, now. I finally left school without a degree because I could not allow my SIL to throw "good money after bad" (me) and it was so very costly. If I couldn't get work on merit of my straight A's but without US work experience resume, then.... He has enough to do for his own immediate family and kids... my grandchildren and my daughter.
I support the OWS movement with all my heart because I just, like, do. I have always been a member of the 99% and I never envied the 1%. Today, I live within the benefits of the 1% while I do not have "two beans" of my own to rub together. My own narrative is confused.
Help me define myself. I find myself in a quandary. I am in the fight for the 99%, and I think the 1% need to do their part and pay their fair share to keep this country going. But am I a traitor to my family, given their mercy to me? And if I don't fight for what is right and fair, am I a traitor to my fellow 99%-ers?
