Sorry for the short diary folks, but I had to call this out. I grew up in rural red state, voted for Bush Sr., then Clinton twice, then Nader, learned my lesson and am Team Blue now, but let me say, I know these "red state" folks, I grew up with them. They are my mom, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, and old childhood friends. They are people, and they can be won over, but the reason we are not is this letter (with my response after the fold):
"Dear Red States
We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've
decided we're leaving.
We in California intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren't aware that includes New York, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of
the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America
(E.S.A).
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas , Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of
America 's venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama .
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92%
of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite , thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death
penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
A Citizen of the Enlightened States of America"
Why this is so wrong after the jump.
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