Republican presidential "candidate" Marco Rubio says he's not sorry about bringing up the important national topic of Donald Trump's penis.
"Oh, no. Please," Rubio said. "I mean, Donald Trump has now spent a year doing this on a regular basis. In fact, there was not a speech or debate that Donald Trump does that he doesn't personally offend or try to offend somebody."
Besides, he said, he only made the comment "one time, to a guy who needs to be stood up to." And because it was in response to another attack from Trump, it was fair to defend himself.
Truly, an inspirational leader. A dollop of he-started-it, a dash of he-deserved-it-anyway. If Trump and Rubio were preschool-aged brothers explaining to their parents why the entire living room was now covered in flour, broken glass, and the majority of nana's ashes, Marco Rubio would be nailing this.
But let's be honest here. When it comes right down to it, every last Republican campaign boils down to the candidates comparing the relative size of their penises. National security? Mine is bigger than yours. Should we torture people? Candidate Jr. says yes we should. Deporting refugees? I bet you don't have the stones to deport women and children, but I do! America went to war in Iraq because of the primal neoconservative belief that America would only be respected if we reminded the world of our inherent manliness. Even when Republican women run for office, we have to hear about that time they castrated a hog and how that is a damn fine metaphor for what they'll do in Washington.
So Marco Rubio is not breaking new ground here, any more than Donald Trump is breaking new ground when he talks about border walls or scary Muslims or the inherent goodness of torture. Like Trump, he's just moving past the high-minded rationalizations and cutting to the chase. Sure, Donald Trump acts like a tough guy, but how do we know he's really endowed with the requirements for high office? I am very much looking forward to the Republican "post-mortem" on this one. Once they've scraped the remnants of the party off the highway, I mean.