Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump has dispatched with his Republican rivals and now must pivot to general election mode. In California, this means promising to single-handedly end the statewide drought.
“If I win, we’re going to start opening up the water so you can have your farmers survive, so that your job market will get better,” the presumptive Republican nominee said. “We’re going to get it done and we’re going to get it done quick, don’t even think about it, that’s an easy one.”
Finally, a politician with the good sense to open up the water. Previously the water was closed: he will open it. Because the drought itself, you see, does not exist.
“They don’t understand — nobody understands it,” he said, adding that, “There is no drought.”
This is some serious David Copperfield-level illusioning, it is, and if he can un-illusion away a half a decade of meager state rainfall via the triumph o’ his will it is quite likely that Donald Trump will become one of history’s greatest heroes. Fortunately, he has already been planning for that as well.
Imagine it, America: A monument in Washington D.C. worthy of Donald Trump. It would be big, obviously, and made of gold, and it would feature him and possibly Thomas Jefferson, provided Thomas Jefferson agreed to say nice things about him.